A Game Without Rules
by Atrophy-Conception
Summary: Sequel to A Promise To Be Kept. Being wed to Death is difficult enough without worrying about the dealings of the occult. The auditors have decided to expell Death for good, and reason that, he will have to be retired if he refuses to do his job. DeathXOC
1. Chapter 1

A Game Without Rules

Chapter One:

_If you could change your days, arranging them in some sweet new sequence_

_Like any new arrangement's gonna make a difference_

_Cause it's the moment that you're living in and not the one that follows_

_That makes this mess you're cleaning in your head_

_Time still drags you forward, though you keep resisting_

_You know it's what you leave behind, you'll soon start missing_

"A New Arrangement" Bright Eyes

X--X

It was a cold place, devoid of life. Nothing stirred if it was not moved by the wind itself. And even the wind droned on, unenthusiastic. It was low and seemed to whine. This was a desert of sorts. The sky was filled with stars, but the light shining off of them was cooler then it would usually be in normal circumstances.

After a moment the empty, dead landscape seemed to altar slightly, until shapes rippled in the foreground. Grey hoods, hung without substance. One of them turned to the others. They formed a circle. Because a circle is infinite.

One said; We have called this meeting for the first and last time. This world is flawed. It is time that things were put right.

It did not have a voice to speak of, and yet the words were somehow said.

Yes, said another. But we must take certain precautions. We remember our previous failures.

The figures seemed to think for a moment.

After a while one said; We must make sure that Azrael is not aware of our participation in these events. He must know only that we are watching as a matter of concern.

That, we think, will not be difficult. Azrael's attention is too large to focus on small details.

Another spoke after a moment; But what of _him_? Are we certain that this will expell him for good?

We have been thinking very carefully about this. His actions are becoming...illogical...most dangerous.

One of the auditors looked uncertain…or it was presumed this was the case. It did not technically have a face, so it didn't really have anything to be uncertain with.

We've tried to delete him before. We remember. It did not work.

This time it will be different. We will not give him a chance to fight back. We will make sure his next folly is seen and acted upon by Azriel himself.

One of the Auditors seemed to be curious.

What did we have in mind? It asked.

He has done something most unreasonable. He has married a human woman.

Most ridiculous. But not, might I point out, particularly against the rules.

No. Not yet. But it is only a matter of time. His judgment is beginning to fail.

The figure paused.

Did you just say "I?"

What? No. Certainly not. I wouldn't dare…oh…Damn!

It vanished and another indistinguishable gray shape came in its place.

As we were saying, the other continued, If for some reason he refused to take this humans life away, he would have to be retired.

Yes, but as far as we know, she will not expire for many years. Too many. We do not want to wait any longer. The auditor almost seemed impatient, although it could be said that the auditors were nothing but concentrated patience.

We will not have to. The other exclaimed with some smugness. Not if we hurry things up a bit.

XXX

Death was in his Office. Beside him, a cup of chamomile tea cooled on the surface of his desk. There was a faint hissing sound beneath his robe. It was not so much comfortable now as it was annoying. The sound frustrated him. He'd been around hourglasses for a very long time, and until now the sound of sand running did not bother him so much.

Death picked up his mug for a moment and swished the contents around before sighing and putting it back down.

There was a faint knock on the door.

COME IN ALBERT. Death said, without looking up.

Albert entered the room; he was holding another cup of tea on a rather tarnished silver tray.

"I brought you more tea, Master." He said as he crossed the room.

THANK YOU. Death replied. When Albert reached the desk he did not bother to comment on the already full cup still sitting on the desk's surface. Instead he took it and replaced it with the new tea.

"Umm…" Albert started. "Also, there's someone here to see you…he uh…let himself in." Death looked up from his desk curiously.

WHO IS IT?

"Dunno…looks like a milkman. You uh…didn't invite him did you?" Albert asked suspiciously.

NO. Death said as he stood. He walked around his desk and passed Albert without comment. Albert frowned, catching a brief glimpse of the ring, which seemed to glimmer on his master's skeletal finger.

XXX

HELLO RONNIE. Death said as he stepped into the Entryway of his house. The figure he addressed was leaning against the wall and was dressed in a white apron. He was holding what appeared to be a case of milk.

"Hello." Ronnie said as he straightened. In this realm he looked a lot less like a milkman then he might, perhaps, down in the world. "How are you, old friend? It feels like it's been a while."

IT HAS HARDLY BEEN ANY TIME AT ALL. Death responded. I SEE YOU STILL ARE IN DAIRY. I WONDER IS THIS A HOBBY, NOW OR STILL A CAREER?

"It is a career, while Kaos is a lifestyle. It seemed a shame to give it up. I have so many customers who expect their milk on time, you know." He sounded just slightly embarrassed. "And of course, there is no better place for chaos then Ankh Morpork. It has it's own unique breed of chaos. I rather enjoy it there."

INDEED. WHAT IS IT THAT BRINGS YOU HERE RONNIE? The broad smile left the large man's face and Ronnie contrived to look slightly awkward.

"Actually…um…I came by because…I heard you got married." He said after a moment.

AH.

"So it is true?" Ronnie gave Death a guilty look.

YES. Death replied. IT IS.

"Really…?"

WHY?

"Well…I guess I'm just surprised. I mean…never would have thought you'd get married." Death was silent. "And…she's human?"

SHE IS. His voice, as much as it could be called a voice, held a small note of warning. Ronnie nodded and then acquired the look of someone who has something to say, but doesn't really want to say it in case it's something that doesn't want to be heard.

WHY HAVE YOU COME RONNIE? Death asked wearily.

"It's great…I mean…congratulations…only…"

YES?

"Certain people, I myself included, inquire as to why? Particularly, why to a mortal woman?" He spoke slowly.

CERTAIN PEOPLE? WHOM?

"It isn't really important…people like us."

I DO NOT SEE HOW IT IS ANY OF THEIR BUSINESS. Death said with some annoyance.

"Well, we are slightly concerned about where this fancy of yours will lead. After that business with Time…"

I HAVE BEEN INVOLVED WITH HUMANS FOR YEARS NOW, RONNIE. WHY, SUDDENLY ARE YOU SO CONCERNED NOW?

"It isn't just me. After the catastrophe with the glass clock…this is just making people uncomfortable. Look, it isn't even the marriage that concerns us. After all, War has been married for decades. The prospect has even attracted me from time to time to tell you the truth, but…I mean…to wed a human, almost seems to beg for disaster. And it also, forgive me for saying so, seems rather pointless. I mean, you of all people must know what short life spans they have. They expire at the very best of times in a short hundred years."

I KNOW WHAT HUMANS ARE, RONNIE. Death replied with some irritation.

"Yes, I know…look I'm not here to complain or make you angry." Ronnie said quickly. "The real reason I stopped by is to warn you."

WARN ME?

"Yes. I listen to things you know...and being Kaos...I mean...I'm rather in tune with...the people who organize. Certain parties are not happy about this. You are…being watched…closely. As is she."

SHE IS BEING WATCHED?

"Yes…" He was quiet for a moment. Finally, he shook his head. "I feel as if I have been away from this business for too long. Perhaps I've lost some of my senses."

I DO NOT THINK IT IS POSSIBLE TO FORGET HOW TO BE US. Death said, while deep in thought.

"No, I suppose not. I urge you to be careful."

OF COURSE.

"Only…I feel as if something's going to go horrible wrong."

OH?

"Hopefully I'm wrong."

YES…Death replied, his mind elsewhere.

"In any case, I should be on my way."

OF COURSE.

"The milk won't deliver itself after all." Ronnie said, while watching Death with something that could have passed for concern.

NO, I IMAGINE NOT.

"You wouldn't happen to want a few bottles would you?"

NO THANK YOU. Death said, still obviously, focused on something else.

"It's supposed to make your bones strong you know?" Ronnie said hopefully.

PERHAPS ANOTHER TIME RONNIE. RIGHT NOW, I MUST SEE TO SOMETHING. Death said as he turned and headed back to his office. THANK YOU FOR STOPPING BY.

"Right, no problem, later then." Ronnie said as he vanished.

XXX

Elizabeth stopped what she was doing, panting slightly. It was too damn hot. For the last hour she had been trying to mow the lawn. Not the whole lawn…because that would take days but at least the majority of it around her house. She was beginning to feel that she should just wait for winter to come, though. Let the seasons take care of the overgrown grass.

She wiped her brow and dropped the handle of the machine she had been trying to use. Apparently it was an improvement to the old way of cutting grass, which had once been done with a sharpened blade. But it weighed almost sixty pounds and in this heat the old way sounded almost attractive.

Elizabeth sighed and, after stepping over the handle of the machine, headed back to her house.

It had been a month since she had gotten married, and now, a month later; she had to admit to herself that she had not been thinking very straight that night. Admittedly, her choices at the time had been limited, and as far as she could tell she'd made the best, but things had happened so quickly.

She didn't have any time to think about what she was doing. She'd spent fifteen years expecting to die alone in her father's house. (It hadn't been planned, just a subconscious certainty) and then suddenly she had to get married, and somehow she'd wound up being wed to a seven-foot skeleton. It had all rather been spur the moment. And she hadn't had time to consider what the downsides would be.

For instance, though she had never thought about it before, she wasn't ever going to be able to have children. This, as well as several other things had been flying through her mind continuously in the weeks after her marriage.

Elizabeth closed the door to her house and stepped into what could have been an oven. She groaned and wondered briefly when it would rain next. She fell back onto her couch and covered her eyes with her arm.

Her…husband…still a title she was not entirely comfortable with, seemed to be staying away for the most part. He had come by a couple times for one reason or another. She suspected that he had assumed that her desire to live in the world for four months doubled as time spent away from him. She had said that this wasn't the case, but it didn't seem to get through to him.

It had occurred to her just lately that liking someone was not quite good reason enough to marry them. This put her in an uncomfortable position. It had been difficult enough to accept Death as an employer. She was still trying to come to terms with the idea of being married to him. It was hard enough just grasping the idea without considering emotions.

She knew she wasn't in love with him. That one was easy, although she had never been in love before. She wasn't sure, at this point how close she could get to being in love with him. How close could any human get to loving Death? Any sane human, in any case.

_And_ _I don't know if he can feel anything at all. _She thought to herself, not for the first time. Elizabeth sighed and wiped the sweat from her brow. She eyed the metal tub hanging on the wall briefly and then stood.

XXX

Death returned to his office. Albert had already gone back to the kitchen, leaving the cup of tea to cool on his desk. Death walked around it and sat down. His sockets resting on the surface briefly.

If he could have glared at that moment he would have.

YOU NEED NOT LURK. He said to the room, which had been empty up until now.

We do not lurk, little Death. Said a robe, hanging in the thin air several feet from him.

WHAT DO YOU WANT?

We have come to inform you that because of your recent actions we must take all irregular behavior into consideration. The cowl said. It's voice, if it could be called that was dry and dull, like the pages in an ancient volume of book, which has hung on a dusty shelf for centuries.

I HAVE DONE NOTHING WRONG. Death said warily.

Not yet. We suspect it is only a matter of time. Incidentally, the human will also be kept under very careful examination.

DO NOT INVOLVE HER. Death said with what could have been anger. YOU HAVE NO AUTHORITY TO DO SO.

We are doing it because we are concerned over the order of the universe. If the Auditor had any emotions, he would currently be presenting that of smug satisfaction.

This is the reason for our existence. Being wed to a mortal is not yours.

IF YOU HARM HER, YOU WILL BE BREAKING MANY RULES. Death said, while rising from his desk and gazing at the shape rippling in the air.

You should not concern yourself over our actions, while yours are being watched so carefully. The auditor said. We will keep in touch.

It faded.

After a moment, Death headed towards the back door.

XXX

Taking a bath was a lot more work then it should have been. First, one must gather water from the well or whatever their source for finding water is. Then, they must heat it, sometimes heating each bucket separately. And if this was not enough of a tedious task, by the time the tub was full (subjectively full anyways) the water will have already begun to get cold. Elizabeth could skip a step because she had no desire to heat the water up.

After she had the tub full she removed the large filthy shirt and her oversized slacks and submerged herself in the cool water. She splashed it on her face and over her hair and then laid back against the edge of the metal tub, closing her eyes as she did.

The only sound that filled the room was the occasional drop hitting the surface of the water from her hair or skin.

I HOPE THAT I AM NOT INTERRUPTING.

Elizabeth shouted and banged her ankle against the side of the bath as she reacted in the customary manner of someone who is snuck up upon. (Particularly in the bathtub or shower.) The water in the tub rocked and a good deal of it spilled over the edge.

Death withdrew slightly, surprised by her reaction.

"What are you doing!?" She shouted, as she attempted to conceal what little she had to cover up. (Another customary reaction when being caught without clothes on.)

I APPOLOGIZE. I DID NOT KNOW THIS WAS A BAD TIME. Death answered bewilderedly.

"I thought we agreed you'd use the door!" Elizabeth replied, turning red.

I KNOW. I AM SORRY. I WAS IN A HURRY.

"Just hand me the robe beside you!" She said while pointing to a wrinkled garment hanging beside him. Death turned, and after a moment of puzzlement, took the piece of clothing carefully and handed it to her. She took it from him and pulled it around her with clumsy hurried fingers.

DO YOU NEED A HAND? Death asked cautiously.

"No!"

After she had the sash tied she stepped out of the tub, and nearly slipped on the spilt water. Death steadied her hurriedly by her shoulders. He did so awkwardly, as he was becoming increasingly nervous. Her response to seeing him had been near frenzied, and she was turning a deep red color.

She took one of his wrists and pulled him into the living room.

"Stay here while I get dressed." She demanded, and left him standing in the center of the living room in a state of bewilderment.

Elizabeth pulled on the first thing she could find, barely looking at it as she did. She wasn't sure which bothered her more, the fact that he had decided to stop by at that very moment, or the fact that he didn't seem to understand why it was a bad time to do so.

When she returned he was standing where she left him, his hands folded behind his back.

"All right." She said, trying to abate her embarrassment.

I AM SORRY TO INTRUDE. Death said, after a moment with just a hint of uncertainty.

"It's fine, just…knock next time, all right?"

I SHALL. I TRUST YOU ARE WELL? He asked.

"Yeah…fine." She said while wringing out her hair.

I AM GLAD. He seemed, for a moment to have nothing more to say. Elizabeth raised her brow.

"Would you like some tea?" She asked, trying to break the silence. Silences were disconcerting around Death.

NO, THANK YOU.

"Okay…are you here for a reason? You said you were in a hurry."

YES. I WAS.

"Okay…so what is it?"

I MERELY WISHED TO ENSURE THAT YOU WERE WELL. He said.

"Oh. I am." She frowned. "Is that all?"

NO. He continued I HAVE REASON TO BELIEVE THAT YOU ARE IN DANGER. Elizabeth blinked.

It was hard to react to him. Everything he said, he said in the same tones. His voice was always grave and impassive. Words like the ones she had just heard should be said with an edge of danger and urgency...

"What makes you think so?" She said, unable to think of anything else to say.

I HAVE MY REASONS. He said. I THINK THAT IT WOULD BE WISE IF YOU WERE IN COMPANY FROM NOW ON.

"What?" She asked, alarmed.

I CANNOT, UNFORTUNATELY BE HERE ALL OF THE TIME, AND OF COURSE, I WILL NOT ASK YOU TO STAY WITH ME WHEN YOU STILL HAVE TWO MONTHS HERE, BUT I HAVE SOME PEOPLE IN MIND WHO KNOW HOW TO DEAL WITH ABNORMAL CIRCUMSTANCES, AND ONE PERSON IN PARTICULAR.

"Sorry?" Elizabeth said, trying to wrap her thoughts around this new information.

THEY WILL NOT COME HERE, I'M AFRAID. YOU WILL HAVE TO GO TO THEM. I THOUGHT FIRST OF REFERING YOU TO OTHERS OF MY KIND, BUT I THINK IT WOULD BE BEST IF YOU STAYED WITH MORTALS INSTEAD.

Elizabeth was staring at him as if he'd said the most peculiar thing she had ever heard. When he stopped speaking, the open-mouthed expression turned to one of annoyance.

"All right…what the hell is going on?" She asked in exasperation.

IT IS COMPLICATED. Death replied solemnly.

"I don't give a damn. I'm not going to do anything until I know why I'm in danger!"

I AM NOT SURE THAT IT WOULD BE WISE TO TELL YOU.

"What?" She scowled. "Why? I thought I was the one in danger!"

YES, BUT YOU ARE HUMAN. IT WOULD BE SAFER IF YOU REMAINED IGNORANT OF THE OCCULT.

_Ignorant? I'm married to the damn occult! _She thought angrily.

"So you expect me to just…leave everything and go with some…people I don't know without knowing why I'm doing it."

YES.

"That's insane!"

IT IS NOT. I ASSURE YOU THAT IT IS FOR YOUR SAFETY.

"My safety?"

YES. THIS IS MY ONLY CONCERN.

Elizabeth sighed and went to sit down on the couch.

"How long would this be for?" She asked after a while.

I…AM NOT SURE. I WILL BE MAKING INQUIRIES. AND I WILL OF COURSE, KEEP IN TOUCH…AT THIS POINT I AM HOPING THAT I AM WRONG.

"What's the likelihood of that?" She asked wearily.

NOT GOOD. She nodded.

"And you really can't tell me what's happening?"

IT WOULD BE BEST IF I DID NOT.

"Fine." She conceded. "Can you at least tell me about these people who I shall be in company with?"

YES. THAT I CAN DO.

XXX


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two:

_All these dense distractions, so beautifully complex._

_I love life's surprises so much I don't want to know what's ahead._

_-"Education" Modest Mouse_

Elizabeth adjusted her luggage slightly as she slid off of Binky. She hadn't taken much, just enough clothes to fit into one sack. Everything else was in another, because she had a few things that were rather too large to stick in the sack with her clothes. Neither were very heavy. She eyed the scenery while Death dismounted and took a small folded note out of his cloak. He approached her.

YOU MUST WALK THE REST OF THE WAY. He said. Elizabeth turned towards him. She was trying to not be angry, but she almost couldn't help it. It was reasonable to assume that, as Death he would have many things that he could not involve her in. But she was human, and as a human and his wife, part of her didn't think that being Death was a good enough excuse.

GIVE THIS TO HER.

Elizabeth took the note from his outstretched hand without a word.

IT MAY BE BEST IF YOU DID NOT MENTION ME. THEY MAY BE LESS INCLINED TO BE SYMPATHETIC IF YOU DO.

"That shouldn't be a problem." Elizabeth said, a little grudgingly. He didn't seem to have a response to this.

I HAVE SPOKEN TO SUSAN; SHE AGREED TO CHECK UP ON YOU WHENEVER SHE HAS THE TIME. SHE KNOWS THE WAY.

Elizabeth didn't answer.

SHE IS STILL A BIT UNCOMFORTABLE ABOUT YOU, SO IT MAY TAKE HER A FEW DAYS.

"What about you?" Elizabeth asked finally.

I WILL SEE YOU SOON. Death said, and for a moment it looked as if he wanted to say something else but was not sure what it was. Finally he mounted his horse.

BE CAREFUL. He said while looking down at her almost bewilderedly. He pulled on the reins and Binky galloped in the air briefly before vanishing entirely. Elizabeth stood there for a moment, frowning at the place where he had been, before turning and looking at what was mostly mountainous landscape. She sighed and headed towards the only building in sight, which was a small and very ancient looking cottage.

_Ah, what lovely newlyweds we are. _She thought cynically as she headed down the path in her crumbling boots.

When she got to the door she adjusted her luggage briefly before raising her hand and knocking on the old woodwork. She bit her lip and prepared herself for anything.

After a second the door opened slowly, apparently of it's own accord.

" Come in Jarge Weaver." Said a voice from the dark interior, in the solemn tones of a fortuneteller. Elizabeth frowned and cleared her throat.

"Er…" She started awkwardly.

When the woman approached the door and saw her, there was a brief expression of annoyance. It cleared almost immediately and there was no sign of embarassment in her facade.

"Who are you?" She asked. "And what brings you here?" She added in a much more normal voice.

She wasn't tall so much as she gave off the impression of height. Her silver hair was hidden under a black pointy hat. Elizabeth cleared her throat.

"Um…my name's Elizabeth Sh…er…Door." She pulled the note out of her pocket and handed it to the woman. "My husband wanted me to come here and ask for your help Miss Weatherwax."

"It's Mistress Weatherwax." The woman said as she took the note from Elizabeth and unfolded it. She looked at her overtop it with some skepticism before her eyes flashed down to the writing.

Elizabeth hadn't had much experience with witches, she'd seen a couple when she was younger but she hadn't ever spoken to one. She did remember hearing about the woman in front of her though. Most people in the general area knew about the Weatherwaxes by reputation. She wondered briefly if it was all true or not.

"Sounds serious." Mistress Weatherwax said after a while.

"Yes?" Elizabeth hazarded. She hadn't read the note.

"You two were in a hurry, I imagine."

"Yes, I suppose."

"This handwritten?"

"I think so." Elizabeth said bewilderedly. "My husband told me to give it to you."

"Never seen such neat writing." Mistress Weatherwax eyed her again. Elizabeth shifted uncomfortably.

"Oh?"

"Especially with all them little accents and such…what are they called…serfs?" Elizabeth raised her brow.

"What?" She leaned over to look at the note and groaned inwardly.

"Serifs..." She said a little sickly. "He's very…efficient."

"I should think it took him hours." Esme said as she refolded the note. She took a step back and seemed to size Elizabeth up for a moment. She had the sort of gaze, which seemed to burn through ones skull enabling her to see into their inner thoughts.

"Where are you from?"

"The other side of the mountains." Elizabeth answered.

"You didn't walk the whole way." It was not a question.

"No…" Elizabeth said, waiting for further inquiries. There weren't any.

Mistress Weatherwax took a step to the side and motioned for Elizabeth to enter.

"You'd better come in Mrs. SherDoor."

XXX

In a cavern deep in the Ramtop Mountains a figure sat quietly with his bare feet buried slightly in the dirt. There was the remnant of a fire in front of him, but it wasn't lit and aside from a few heaps of random articles behind him the rest of the cave was bare.

His long and dreadfully thin fingers were folded in front of him, his matted and filthy hair hung around him in tangles and his clothes hung off of him as if they hadn't fit right in years.

A figure approached the stranger, who became immediately interested. He resided in an area of the mountains prone to frequent rockslides. The earth was unsteady and dangerous here. Only the very desperate were able to find him in these conditions…and no one made it without making at least some sort of sound. Shrieks of terror and pain were most frequent.

He looked up, through sunken in and lifeless eyes. His skin hung on his bones loosely and was pallid and white like a sheet. He'd been dead for many years now. Dead and awake.

The figure before him was strange. For starters it seemed entirely untouched, a thing that was almost impossible when roughing these mountains. But the strangest thing was that, though the person before him seemed handsome almost, there was an eerie sort of flawlessness about him that wasn't so much pleasant as it was creepy. And its face moved in an odd way. It did not make expressions, it seemed to slide and flicker, as if the figure were trying hard to keep itself from falling apart.

"You are Jerimoth?" The figure said after a moment while it sorted out it's tongue and lips.

"Yeh." Jerimoth replied in a hoarse voice.

"We have heard of you." The figure said. He seemed to be alone. This didn't worry Jerimoth much though. Many people who came to him were mad; at least by the time they reached his cave. Besides, not much worried Jerimoth anymore. "We have a job for you. Will you accept?" The man continued.

"That depends on pay." Jerimoth said as he stood. "I'm not cheap. If you have heard of me, you know that already."

"We can give you as much gold as you require." The auditor said. A small vacant smile appeared on Jerimoth's face.

"In that case, go back the way you came, friend." He used the word friend like an insult. The figure frowned, or his face flickered briefly and there was suddenly a frown upon it.

"Why do you make this command?" It finally asked with just a hint of anger.

"I don't eat or drink. I don't sleep. I haven't fucked a woman in years." He said. The Auditor stood before him in slight confusion.

"Why do these things matter?" It demanded.

"I don't take gold." Jerimoth offered. "I don't take cash or any kind of treasure. Not the usual sort anyways." The smile was getting on the Auditor's nerves. It wasn't friendly, it was just there. It made him feel uneasy, despite his frequent messages to the flesh sack he was currently occupying telling it that there was only a dead man with missing teeth before him and that it was nothing to fear.

"We were under the assumption that all mortals desired gold." The auditor said.

"I only work for the desperate. Men without other options. People willing to give anything. Gold is too easy."

"What is it you take?"

"A man once offered me his heart." The auditor's brow creased of it's own volition.

"That is irrational. Human's cannot live without their heart." It said after a moment. "Is that not correct?"

Jerimoth grinned and leaned forward.

"I did say desperate. He cut it out himself." The auditor did not seem impressed by this, though a part of him did cringe away from the idea. Whatever part of him was human in any case.

"We cannot give you are heart." The auditor said after a moment. "We do not have one."

"It's different for everyone." Jerimoth said as he sat back once more. "Are you desperate enough to meet my price?"

"We will give you anything." The auditor said.

"That's a good start. What's the job?"

"We wish to have a woman removed from existence."

"A woman?" Jerimoth's face was expressionless, but for a moment it seemed as if he were disappointed. "Wife cheat on you or something?"

"She is not connected to us."

"Feh, women are easy."

"This woman will most likely be closely watched."

"Good, makes it more challenging. Why do you want her dead?"

"That is our business." The zombie cocked his head to one side and eyed the auditor briefly before speaking again.

"It's my business too, if you want me." He said after a moment.

"It is not. We pay you what you ask for and you do what we want without question." Jerimoth grinned again.

"I never ask for what I want and I don't work for cautious men. You want an assassin, friend."

"We know what we want."

"Tough." Jerimoth said and bowed his head again the irritating little smile still on his face as ribbons of filthy hair fell over his eyes. The auditor frowned. This wasn't how things were supposed to go.

"You will do this." The auditor said after a moment when he couldn't think of anything else to say, his face contorting into rage. Jerimoth laughed.

"Or what?"

The auditor seemed about to say something, then it shut it's mouth again.

"This human must be destroyed." He stopped, his words muddled by his confusion and anger. "I will return." He said as he walked outside the cave again. Jerimoth watched him go without comment.

A group of gray robes appeared as the awkward human shape emerged.

"He will not work for us until he knows why the human must be destroyed." The auditor said.

Did you offer him the gold? One of the robes asked.

"Yes, he will not take it. We do not know what to give him!" The shape he was talking to flickered briefly as it thought.

Tell him. It said finally. He will not be a threat to us. Even an undead human is an insignificant nothing in the universe.

"It is surely a risk!"

We do not have a choice. It would be too dangerous to do the task ourselves.

"But what do we give him if he does not take gold!?"

Give him whatever he wants. We are unconcerned with material items. They matter not.

The human shape nodded and turned back towards the cave entrance. When he returned Jerimoth looked up again, as expressionless as before.

"We have decided to tell you of our intentions." The auditor said. "This human is connected to Death. We want him eliminated."

"Death?" Jerimoth sat up a little, and eyed the auditor with his empty eyes.

"Yes." The auditor said, there was a fraught look in it's eyes.

"You mean the fellow in the robes with the scythe?"

"Yes. We believe that he will refuse to reap her soul. If he does this, he will be destroyed."

"You want to get rid of Death?"

"Yes!" The auditor felt as if it were falling apart. The body had begun to leak a thick moister, which was running down his forehead. It was beginning to worry him.

For the first time since the conversation began another expression began to formulate on Jerimoth's face. It was almost one of hunger. His eyes were still glazed but one could almost imagine a spark within the dead blackness in the depths of his irises.

"Death…" He said, slowly the expression seemed to dissipate. "I've reconsidered. I'll take the job." He said after a moment.

"What about your pay?" The auditor asked.

"Forget about the pay for now…I'm sure something will come to me. Until then, you gotta tell me where she is and how you want me to kill her."

The auditor was feeling a hint of doubt, but it distrusted the feelings the body was sending off, so it ignored them. After all, this was just a human, alive or not. It could do nothing.

"We think she's been moved to a place called Lancre."

"Lancre. Right. Got it."

"As for the means in which you will delete her…we want it done quickly. As quickly as you can. Do not prolong it. We cannot have him catching on before it is done." Jerimoth grinned.

"I thought Death was supposed to know when everyone dies." He said.

"All things are uncertain. As for these circumstances, the laws of the universe are not yours to ascertain, mortal. There are exceptions."

"Well," Jerimoth said as he stood up, his bones creaked and in the depth of his dead skin several things cracked as they were exercised for the first time in years. "I don't have a clue what you just said, but I know how to kill a person quickly, sure enough. She wont know what hit her."

XXX

Elizabeth was sitting on a wooden chair at a table in Mistress Weatherwax's cottage, listening to the woman as she went about making tea.

"Now you better'd be willing to work if you're going to stay here. I'm very busy and I can't just be having some girl taking up space in my cottage and eating my food and such without you pulling your weight."

"Oh…no, I don't mind." Elizabeth said awkwardly.

"Also, since I imagine I can't be leaving you by yourself your gonna have to come with me when I make my rounds in the villages." She took the kettle off and grabbed a couple of teacups.

"Here you are." She said as she handed Elizabeth the cup. She sat down across from her and poured herself a cup of tea. She put the kettle down and examined Elizabeth briefly before she started to add the sugar.

"So, what sort of danger are you in?"

"I…I don't know…exactly." Elizabeth said as she eyed the kettle.

"Well that is a problem." Esme said as she took a drink of her tea.

"Er…"

"Not knowin what it is your seekin help from. This was your husband's idea was it?"

"Yes…he said it was better if I didn't know." Esme sniffed.

"Wouldn't have stood for that myself. But I suppose you have a good reason."

Her blue eyes dropped briefly to Elizabeth's wedding ring. Elizabeth shifted awkwardly and took the kettle from the center of the table, she moved her other hand under the table without really thinking about it.

After both her and Mistress Weatherwax finished, the woman took the cups and then turned towards Elizabeth thoughtfully.

"You ever dig a ditch for the privy?" Elizabeth blinked.

"…Yes." She said cautiously.

"Good. Must've slept wrong, me backs been giving me hell all morning. I was wondering how I was going to get it done. There are shovels out on the side of the outhouse." She said as she started towards the back door. Elizabeth stood a little hesitantly.

"I'll be on the side of the house in the beehives if you need me." She closed the door behind her. Elizabeth sighed and then followed her out into the yard.

XXX

Kinda short…but I'm still working on the story line so I'm not sure what else to write yet. I hope this turned out all right. Once again, I had to delete a bunch of writing because I disliked it.

Jerimoth wasn't really a planned character, but I needed someone so he got invented. I did it while at work earlier this week. I had some of his back story done then, and then the rest came yesterday (Also while I was working) He still needs to develop a little…but this'll do for now.

These two reviews were lost when I resubmitted the story :(

Loverdoll: I think I would be very frightened if a seven foot skeleton was suddenly standing next to my tub. Yeah, I liked Ronnie too. (I like all of Pratchett's characters though) It made more sense for him to be there then any of the other's to me…dunno why. I certainly hope the answers will come to me. --; I have plenty of time and energy for now to spend on writing and stuff. Besides, this is fun : )

Starlite1: Aww I'm glad you were looking forward to it and that you were pleased with the result.

Shiro Ryuu: Sorry it isn't Susan. She'll be in it but I already had some of the story planned out before I started writing it. I hope this is all right anyways. Glad you liked the first chapter : ) The bathtub scene was spontaneous. I was writing and I had something entirely different planned out when it came to me. I started laughing and I think my sis thought I was mad.

Big Cat: )I'm glad you liked the conversation with the Auditors and Ronnie's presence in the story. I'm not sure I got him right. I hope you like this chapter as well and that it was submitted soon enough for you.

MJ Mod: Nah, the Wizards wouldn't want a woman wondering around…and I don't know near enough about the monks to try to write them. Love Lu Tze though. Susan is a good idea, but, I already decided on the Lancre witches.

Novocain: Me too : ) I was worried that I'd lose my nerve and decide not to post it. Although, I could hardly do that after I said I would. And I really am enjoying it.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three:

_so you nurse your love like a wounded dove _

_in the covered cage of night, _

_every star is crossed by frenetic thoughts_

_that separate and then collide, _

_and they twist like sheets til you fall asleep_

_then they finally unwind, _

_its a black balloon its a dream _

_youll soon deny, _

"**Arc Of Time" Bright Eyes**

Elizabeth sighed, removed her boots and set them astride the mattress Mistress Weatherwax had lain out for her. It had been a busy day. After she had finished her initial task of digging the ditch for the Privy, she had aided Mistress Weatherwax in doing various other tasks, this included tending the goats, which had been awkward because she had never seen a goat up close. She hadn't been missing much. While she did chores, the woman had spent much of her time amongst the beehives.

Elizabeth laid back on the mattress and covered her eyes with her arm. As far as she could tell, Lancre was mostly wooded area. The whole area was apparently elevated, and Mistress Weatherwax had explained that even if she wasn't in supposed danger it wouldn't be wise to wander off, in case she wound up wondering straight into the Lancre Gorge. A person could almost get airsick in Lancre.

After she had finished all of the chores they ate supper. It was amazing the way the old woman salvaged food. Elizabeth didn't eat much. She'd been on a tight budget since she was fifteen or sixteen years old. She was no stranger to skipping meals or cutting back on portions to make the food last longer, but after dinner she realized she was in the presence of a professional. Mistress Weatherwax said that she didn't serve Lunch and that the meals wouldn't be very grand, but she was the sort of person who probably scraped mold off of bread and saved potato peels. After a couple of meals she was likely to starve to death.

She imagined she should be grateful. The woman was probably very busy, but it was difficult to get over the initial feeling of irritation. After all, she was in a strange place under the impression that she was in some sort of danger and she had no idea what said danger even was.

Elizabeth sighed again and closed her eyes. A month…and already she was beginning to regret the whole thing…

XXX

Several hours later Elizabeth woke suddenly and sat up. She was under the impression that she was being watched. She stared into the darkness and at first; the room appeared to be empty. Then, in an almost unexplainable way, shapes and shadows seemed to come together and the room changed. (It was somewhat like one of those magic eyes, where at first there is nothing but chaos, and then suddenly the chaos rises and the viewer sees an image of an elephant. The room didn't change, but in a way, the viewer did.)

Three gray shrouds hung in the air. Or rather, an infinite number hung in the air, but there were also three. The shrouds were empty and transparent. They were like smoke, or light.

Elizabeth stared at them for a moment, wondering if she were still asleep. As her mind cleared, she figured she must be awake. She didn't think she would dream about such odd and yet dull beings. A dream would make them more menacing.

One of them spoke. It wasn't like hearing words. It was like dialogue written inside her mind. It was not unlike Death's voice…although there was something different. If anything it was the utter dryness of this voice. A dull attic voice, whereas Death's voice tended to take on more grim tones.

Can she see us? The words flashed briefly in her head. She was growing slightly uneasy. They were watching her, eyeless.

Yes. Another one answered. Her eyes have adjusted because of her time spent with _him. _She sees things that are there.

It paused briefly.

But this does not concern us.

It was irrational of him to think that moving her would make a bit of difference. One said.

Can we trust the human to get the job done?

We have no choice. He has not failed in past expeditions. And we will watch him closely.

Mortal. One said suddenly, and Elizabeth realized after a moment that he was talking to her. You should leave this woman. She can do nothing for you.

Yes. She is merely a stepping-stone. Beings with hardly any subsistence should not meddle in the affairs of the universe. He will see his error in time.

Then, they seemed to spread and once again she thought of light or smoke, drifting and fading away. She stared at the empty room for a while, trying to fight the impression that it had been empty the whole time.

XXX

Esme leaned over and blew out the candle by her bed. The smoke drifted up, and in the darkness made brief patterns that could have been mistaken for unusual shapes.

She'd worked the girl for a majority of the day and in that time, was able to study her carefully.

On the surface, the girl's build reminded her something of Magrat's, although, she didn't seem to slouch quite as much in that guarded way of someone who is trying to protect their opinions from others, nor was she surrounded by that youthful eagerness to please and impress. The only reason she'd even made the connection was because the girl was thin, scrawny even. She dressed sensibly enough, although she did seem to carry quite a lot of slacks and such…and Granny Weatherwax didn't approve much of women wearing slacks. There was nothing really particularly extraordinary about her…and yet…

There was something strange about this girl, but, to Esme's intense irritation, she couldn't figure out what it was. Her mind kept coming back to the girl's eyes. Not the actual eyes, but the stuff behind them. A witch learned to look at the stuff behind the eyes. She was getting the impression that there was something very serious there...something very old.

On the surface she had noticed that the girl seemed to be worried, although, it wasn't the sort of panicked fear of someone being hunted, the sort of fear that would be expected from someone in danger, but rather it was the quiet internal anxiety of someone who is undergoing a more personal struggle.

She also seemed somewhat quiet and guarded. Esme was used to people avoiding her gaze and no one she'd met aside from other witches ever tried to strike up a conversation with her if they couldn't help it…come to think of it…most other witches tended to avoid conversation with her too. But this girl seemed guarded in another way. Like she was keeping something to herself.

"Hmm."

Esme grabbed at her I Aten'nt Dead sign from the place by her bed and sat down on the sheets. She'd tried the bees today already. Didn't get much from them. Only the usual worries of bees when the summer months were slowly turning into the autumn ones. She'd decided to try borrowing. It would probably be okay to be away for a couple hours.

She laid back and frowned. Even if she didn't find anything, she was beginning to feel the mounting certainty that came from being a witch for as long as she had been one. Something was happening, or was going to happen. Not knowing what it was, was beginning to really get on her nerves.

XXX

Jerimoth had taken to calling him Sunshine. It was really beginning to aggravate him. Now, he was struggling to keep up while the zombie headed down the road at a quick pace. He was excreting moisture from the tiny pores in his flesh, and this body was sending constant messages of fatigue, which he tried to ignore. Although it was proving more difficult then he imagined it should.

"There is an unpleasant heat in are limbs. Do you plan on continuing the whole way in this manner?" The auditor asked, his lungs refusing to give him enough breath to finish the sentence solidly.

"Don't know about your limbs. Mine are fine. Didn't recall askin you to come along." Jerimoth replied in a mumble. He cast a brief look over his shoulder and adjusted his eyes so that he could see about a mile down the road.

"We must ensure that you do as instructed."

"Stop with that we, shit will you, Sunshine? 's beginning to get on ma nerves." In truth he didn't have much in the way of impatience any more. Thankfully, he was as impassive as a rock, but there was still such a thing as dissatisfaction and annoyance at being slowed down. He always packed light. He didn't even carry weapons usually. The last thing he needed was to be weighted down by this weirdo.

The auditor nearly ran into Jerimoth as he came to a halt.

"A cart's coming." Jerimoth said. He was wearing a thick and badly tattered brown cloak. As the cart drew nearer he pulled his hood up. Most people wouldn't stop for a dead man. He stepped into the horses path, and already the cart began to slow.

The driver pulled on the reins. When the horses came to a complete stop he looked at the two figures on the road angrily. The taller of the two drew near.

"Here, I've already been waylaid by bandits once today. I've got papers that say you all can't do it again on a trip what takes less then three hours." These were not the greatest of last words ever spoken, although, it is astounding how mundane last words can usually be.

There was a loud crack as Jerimoth broke the man's neck and tossed him out of the cart. He went to the front and gripped the harness connecting the two horses to the carriage.

Mr. Sunshine watched all of this with increasing unease. He knew nothing of the mounting emotion of disgust and fear, but he was able to react to the logical forefront thought in his mind.

"You must not do that again!" He said, as he looked around nervously.

"Do what?" Jerimoth asked as he pulled on the harness. The wood splintered under his fingers.

"Eliminate humans so thoughtlessly. You forget, you are trying to work under Death's detection. This will be difficult enough for a mere mortal to achieve without leaving him a trail!"

Jerimoth looked down at the corpse as if he had just now noticed it was there,

"Oh." He said, and shrugged. "It was easier then robbing him."

"You cannot delete any more humans until we meet the being that we have hired you to eliminate."

" Fine fine." He said as he pulled on the reins and lead the horses from the carriage,

"You can have the one with the limp." He said as he mounted the other one.

"We know not how to ride this beast." Mr. Sunshine said, as the horse watched it with alert and distrustful eyes. "What are we supposed to do first?"

"Get on." Jerimoth said blankly.

"How, it is staring at us in a manner that we are not comfortable with."

"I suggest you learn fast."

The zombie pulled on the reins and his horse began to gallop down the road.

XXX

"Teas on." Esme said as Elizabeth walked into the kitchen. "I got a few pieces of bread for toast. But I'm out of jam so it'll be plain."

"No, thank you." Elizabeth responded as she sat down. There was a tired look in her eyes that suggested she hadn't slept much the night before.

"I'm supposed to be meeting with some people today, but seeing as you're around I can hardly drag you up to Bear Mountain." Esme said, watching as the girl fiddled with her ring. "We'll meet here instead. I already sent a message down this morning. They should be here shortly. It's witch business so you'll have to stay out of the cottage. You can work in the herb garden."

The girl didn't reply as Esme set a cup down in front of her.

"I imagine you know how to pull weeds and such."

"Yes."

"Good." She said as she set the teapot in front of Elizabeth who took it and poured herself a cup of tea.

Elizabeth went to take a sip and then nearly jumped when she felt something brush up against her leg. She looked down as a white cat, still in the later stages of being a kitten, gazed up at her keenly. After a moment it seemed to make up it's mind and it jumped onto Elizabeth's lap.

"Doesn't usually take to people." Esme said, as she gazed at it. "Get down You." she said while making a brushing motion with one of her hands. The Kitten watched her with interest.

"Go on, you know the rules." After a moment of being subjected to Esme's gaze the kitten did as it was told, although it did it slowly and stretched a few times just so that it was known that it was doing it of it's own accord and not because she told it to.

Elizabeth watched as the kitten retreated a few feet and then sat down once more and stared at her. It was amazing how similar the gaze was to that of Mistress Weatherwax's. But then, it was a witch's cat.

The woman had stood and seemed to be going through her pantry. After a moment she took out something that was wrapped up and began to unwrap it with her back turned to Elizabeth.

When she turned around she was carrying a tiny dish with scraps of much greater appeal then their dinner the night before. She set it down by the kitten who began to eat it at once.

"You a cat person?" Esme asked as she returned to the table.

"I like them all right." Elizabeth answered as she watched the kitten devour the food.

"Hmph, lazy buggers. Sharpen their claws on everything. Not much to like." She said crossly.

"Then why do you keep it?" Elizabeth asked as the cat finished and began licking itself.

"It was a gift, giving back gifts is rude." She said with a sniff.

It walked back to sit at Elizabeth's foot and began purring.

Esme raised her brow and looked like she was about to say something but was interrupted.

"Cooee, Esme!" Said a voice as the back door to Granny Weatherwax's cottage opened.

"That'll be them. Go on then." Esme nodded at Elizabeth who stood and headed towards the yard. As she did she passed the two women coming in.

The first was a chubby grandmotherly type, who smiled at her as she passed by in an open friendly way.

The girl behind her was younger then Elizabeth and was very large, with magnificent hair piled up on her head and a naturally rosy complexion. Elizabeth got the feeling that they were both examining her in a careful manner.

XXX

Nanny Ogg and Agnes went into the kitchen where Esme was already sitting.

"So…" Nanny started as Agnes took the kettle before someone could order her to and went about making more tea. "What's going on that made you change the meeting place at such short notice?"

"You see that girl?" Esme responded.

"Yep, never seen her round here before. And I know most of the women her age in Lancre, onna count of them needen a witch of my talent…several times by now, I should think, if you know what I mean?"

"I pride myself in knowin I don't." Esme responded.

Then she stood and disappeared briefly, when she returned she was holding a note. She handed it over to Nanny Ogg who took it without question and unfolded it.

"Showed up at my door yesterday with this." Gytha's eyes skimmed over the page. As she read, Agnes returned and sat down.

"What sort of trouble is the gel in?" Nanny asked after a moment.

"She don't seem to know. Notes from her husband. She said he sent her down here."

"What's going on?" Agnes asked. Nanny passed the note over to her and turned back to Esme.

"Maybe it's nothing. Maybe her husbands in some sort of trouble and he don't want her involved."

"Maybe."

"You don't think so, though."

"Did you notice something funny about her?" Gytha thought for a moment.

"She seemed an ordinary gel to me." She responded. "Although I only saw her for half a second."

"There's something strange about her." Granny said a little distractedly. "Teas done, Agnes." She added as the kettle began to whistle. Agnes set the note down and stood.

"Well, I'll have a better look at her, then. Where'd you send her off to?"

"She's workin in the herb garden. Don't bother with it now."

Agnes set the cups down on the table and began serving the tea.

"The note doesn't _sound _very urgent." She said as she did.

"She's right…it's too polite." Nanny conceded. "And it must be printed as well. Couldn't be handwritten. What sort of person goes to that much trouble over an urgent message?"

Granny didn't answer, but seemed to be thinking.

"She didn't seem particularly interesting to me." Agnes said after a moment of silence.

"You ain't looking at her like a witch." Granny said.

"Well, she hasn't been married very long." Nanny said as she added a bit of sugar and a great deal of brandy to her tea.

"How do you know that?" Agnes asked.

"I can tell." Nanny winked.

"Her husband didn't even accompany her to the door." Esme said. "Just sent her with a note."

"That's a shame." Nanny said as she slurped at her tea.

"It's disgraceful is what I call it."

Agnes sighed. It was amazing how some of the older witches were able to turn even the most serious coven meetings into a circle to discuss the personal matters of other people.

"Well, What's going to happen then?" Nanny asked.

"I think we just oughtta be keeping an eye on things in case something is happening." Granny replied. "Also, I can't be watching this girl all the time. I've been giving her chores to do, but I can hardly be dragging her around when I'm out witching."

"You're putting her to work?" Nanny asked, her eyebrows rose.

"Well of course I am." She said, annoyed. "How else am I going to get everything done?"

"I suppose I could take her for a bit." Nanny said after a while. "I don't have anyone expecting too soon…and you're the one they go to for the real urgent emergencies. What about you, Agnes?"

"Think she's ready for that sort of thing?" Esme asked, as if she weren't sitting right next to her. Agnes crossed her arms.

"I think I can manage." She said with a hint of sarcasm.

"Right then." Granny Weatherwax said. Still, apparently deep in thought.

XXX

Two reasons why this took so long. 1. Because I had a hard time putting the chapter together. And 2. My laptop broke a week ago (Breaks into tears) so I have to use my parent's computer along with the rest of my family. I sent it off to Texas to be repaired yesterday…so I'll have it back…eventually.

Until then, updates may be more infrequent, especially because school starts again on Monday and my free time will be severely cut back because of it. When I get my laptop back things will get easier again because I'll be able to write at work and in between classes, but until then I hope you won't expect too much out of me.

Ghost Girl Sora: Thank you. : ) They're my favorite too. Death, Esme and Vimes…although, I think Terry Pratchett has more talent for creating excellent characters then any writer I've read so far…so I tend to like quite a lot of his characters.

Loverdoll: ) Granny Weatherwax and the Lancre witches were the first Discworld characters I was introduced to because the first thing I read from Pratchett was The Sea And Little Fishes. The first full Discworld novel I read was Reaper Man. Both Death and Granny Weatherwax still hold the place as my most favorite Discworld character. (Both in spot one) No, the marriage isn't off to a good start, but the joy of developing it is the main reason I'm writing this story to begin with. ; )

Shiro Ryuu: Glad you like him. I think I've about got him all figured out. I thought I could have more fun with the witches. Naturally I wouldn't keep Susan out of the story though.

Big Cat: Don't worry. Jerimoth is there because I needed someone else aside from the auditors. He won't overshadow anyone. At the same time, I have no desire to create characters with flat personalities. It never hurts to read within the lines…although I have to admit, I don't have much of anything planned out completely yet.

Novocain: Nah. It's only awkward now because they are in an awkward situation. Things will change.

Starlite1: Yeah probably, but I'm starting to have enough so that I know who he is. I imagine half of the stuff I know won't make it into the story but it helps for future development.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4:

_can watch but not take part_

_where i end and where you start_

_where you, you left me alone_

_you left me alone._

"**Where you end and I begin" Radiohead**

Death was standing in his cornfields staring at the swaying stalks, his eye sockets glowing faintly. He touched one side of his robe, where his heart might have been, if he had one, his skeletal fingers resting above the faint hissing sound of his wife's hourglass.

_ELIZABETH. MY WIFE. MINE. _The concept was still foreign to him. He reached in his robe and brought the glass out. Technically he didn't have to look at it, but it still felt reassuring to do so.

After a moment he replaced it and headed towards his house through the endless stocks of corn.

In his office, the Death of Rats was sitting atop his desk. He seemed to be sniffing his teacup.

IT IS CAMOMILE. Death said. YOU MAY HAVE IT IF YOU LIKE.

SQUEAK. The Death of Rats replied.

I NEED YOU TO DO ME A FAVOR. He said. I HAVE SOME THINGS I MUST DO. WOULD YOU CHECK AND SEE IF ELIZABETH IS DOING ALL RIGHT?

SQUEAK.

THANK YOU. Death said as he started to leave. He paused briefly. DO YOU THINK SHE WILL BE ANGRY? He asked, a little nervously. The Death of Rats shrugged. Death frowned…in a metaphorical sense, and then left the room.

XXX

It didn't take Elizabeth long to pull the weeds…because there weren't any. She sighed and sat down on a tree stump nearby and studied the forest, which stretched away from the cottage for miles. It was almost suffocating compared to her miles of empty acres.

Elizabeth felt the first pang of homesickness since she'd come the day before. Of course part of this was probably due to the weird gray phantoms she had seen the during the course of the previous night…it didn't make it very easy to feel glad about being at this place with its tall tall trees and fierce geography.

She wondered briefly what they were, and figured that she'd probably find out sooner or later, whether she wanted to or not.

SQUEAK. Elizabeth jumped slightly and looked down at the foot of the stump. A tiny robed figure was peering up at her. After a moment it waved a bony paw. Elizabeth's mouth opened slightly to form the words 'you?'

"He asked how you were." She turned to find the source of the other voice, but could only see a raven, which was perched a few feet away and looking at her.

SQUEAK. SQUEAK. The Death of Rats said as it crawled up her leg and came to rest on her knee.

"Says Death sent him to make sure you were getting along all right." She looked again at the raven, who was eyeing her intelligently.

"This just keeps getting better." She said below her breath in cynical tones.

"In my opinion, it can always get worse, miss." The raven said.

"And I imagine it will." Elizabeth looked down at the Death of Rats.

SQUEAK.

"Hey says; he's sorry to find you in such a crummy mood."

"He said all of that, did he?" Elizabeth asked as she eyed the raven wearily.

"More or less."

"Who are you?" She'd met the Death of Rats on a couple separate occasions. The raven, she had never seen before. Although, she had to admit, it was rather appropriate in the circumstances.

"Names Quoth. I interpret for him. And…occasionally take him places." He added the last almost grudgingly.

"So your somewhat like Binky then?" Elizabeth asked dully.

"No…because I'm not a horse. Ravens are intelligent, see?"

"Binky seems pretty intelligent."

"Yeah…for a horse maybe." He muttered in return.

SQUEAK!

"Yes yes…all right…I was only saying, they're not exactly known for their intelligence now are they...now your ravens..."

SQUEAK. The Death of Rats interrupted as he turned towards Elizabeth.

"Well obviously she's fine. She's sitting upright…she's talking…she aint dead, job well done."

"Er…yes…" Elizabeth started as she averted her slightly annoyed gaze from Quoth and back onto the Death of Rats.

"So, why did he send you? Where is he?"

SQUEAK SQUEAK.

"Very busy." Quoth translated.

"Oh." Elizabeth said. She couldn't help but feel a little disappointed, and once again, just a bit angry. The Death of Rats eyed her briefly before walking a few steps and patting her on her hand.

"Think he's trying to reassure you."

"Yes, thank you, I figured that one out on my own." Elizabeth replied a little sardonically. "Do you know anything about this whole thing?"

SQUEAK.

"Says it's not his business to mention it." Quoth said, although now he sounded just slightly irritated himself. "But keep your eyes open."

The Death of Rat's nodded and put his bony paws by his eye sockets.

"Keep them open for what?"

"Basically anything out of the ordinary." The raven said.

"But I'm in a strange country with a witch and I'm talking to a skeletal rat and a bird…how do I know what's out of the ordinary?"

SQUEAK.

"He said, 'you'll see.'"

XXX

Granny Weatherwax opened the door and peered out at Elizabeth, who was sitting on an old tree stump by her herb garden and who appeared to be talking to someone who wasn't there. She walked quietly in the girl's direction, and no one could walk quietly quite like Granny Weatherwax. Nevertheless, the girl looked up suddenly, and, in that instant, a large black raven, which had been settled near her, flew off in a flutter of fine black wings and landed on the branch of a tree nearby.

"Witches business is over." Granny Weatherwax said, pretending like she hadn't been trying to eavesdrop on the girl. "You can come in now if you like." She added. Elizabeth had moved her arm so her hand was concealed behind the tree stump. Unseen by Granny Weatherwax, the Death of Rats jumped down from her fingers and hid.

"Oh?" Elizabeth said as she stood. She headed towards the woman cautiously, moving past her into the house. Granny Weatherwax stayed behind for a moment and eyed the raven on the branch suspiciously. After a moment it squirmed under her gaze.

"Ahem. Caw. Caw." It said in an unconvincing manner. Esme narrowed her eyes and headed inside.

XXX

"Watcher Liz." Nanny Ogg said happily as Elizabeth entered the room. "I'm Gytha Ogg, everyone calls me nanny, and this here's Agnes Nitt."

"Hello." Agnes said as she sized Elizabeth up.

"Hi." Elizabeth replied as Esme entered the room behind her.

"Sit down, Mrs. Door. Let's have a chat shall we?" Esme said. Elizabeth moved forward and sat down hesitantly as the woman took a seat nearby.

"We been talking." Granny Weatherwax started. "Makin arrangements, so to speak."

"Oh…?" It was all she could think of to say.

"That's right, and we, well, that is to say, Esme here wants us to take you for at least part of the time you're here in Lancre." Nanny Ogg said. Elizabeth averted her gaze from Mistress Weatherwax to Nanny Ogg.

She had a warm and inviting smile, underneath a face that seemed grandmotherly and trustworthy and behind eyes that sparkled with almost unexpected intelligence. Unfortunately, Elizabeth's severely limited experience with people made it difficult to trust anyone very much. She imagined she'd have to try and shake off that suspicion eventually, but for now she let it settle at the back of her mind.

"That all right with you is it?" Course, it don't matter is you say yes or no, cause that's how it is." Granny said.

"It's all right." Elizabeth replied after a moment.

"Good. Now then, why don't we have some more tea. Agnes?"

"Yes, Granny." Agnes said and stood. Elizabeth could see the younger girl looking at her out of the corner of her eyes.

"So, Elizabeth, you have any witches where you come from?" Nanny asked as she tipped some indefinable liquid into her empty teacup.

"No." Elizabeth answered. "A wizard will occasionally come to the town nearest to my house for festivals."

"Hah. Wizards. Nothing but meddling old fools." Granny said with a scowl.

"You live near Ankh Morpork?" Nanny asked, still smiling. She had a sort of good natured knowing smile, with perhaps a hint of humor that tended to show through people who always had some sort of dirty joke to share.

"It isn't far…" Elizabeth answered.

"Ever been there?"

"A couple of times."

"With your husband I imagine?" Elizabeth paused, meeting Nanny's gaze for a moment. The woman was wearing an inquiring look.

"Once…actually…we were married in Ankh Morpork." She said carefully.

"Inna bit of a hurry then, eh?" Nanny Ogg winked. There are very few things that are more suggestive then a wink from Nanny Ogg. Elizabeth frowned.

"Tea." Agnes interrupted as she re-entered the room. She was holding the pot carefully in front of her enormous torso.

"I should think you could use a bit of tea with your brandy, Gytha." Esme said darkly.

"Nope, no room." Nanny said. "So how long you been married, Liz?" Gytha asked as Agnes poured Granny's cup of tea.

"Er, a month." Elizabeth said. "You don't have to…I mean, I can." She said to Agnes as the girl began to pour Elizabeth a cup.

"Agnes can do it." Granny said pointedly.

"It's all right." Agnes said, although she looked a bit annoyed.

"a month, eh?" Nanny continued. "Best time of the marriage, the first few months. I don't think me and my first husband got a single full nights sleep until month four." She said happily.

"Course I was younger back then. So what about you? You got yourself a willing man?"

"Gytha." Granny said, while giving Nanny a disapproving look.

Elizabeth's expression went from being curiously blank, to horrified before it dissolved into embarrassment.

"All mine were. Course sometimes I had to encourage them a bit."

"With your methods of encouragement, I can't see how they had much of a choice. That's enough Gytha, no one's interested, I'm sure." Granny said, with her lips pursed.

"Oh Esme, there's nothing shameful about being intimate."

"You could make anything shameful Gytha Ogg."

"That's true." Nanny said with a smile.

XXX

Jerimoth was riding on the road to Lancre, now only miles away and taking his time. He was thinking. Behind him, Mr. Sunshine had managed to catch up after being dragged for a couple of miles before he finally figured out how to sit on the horse.

It's traditional to think that zombies are mindless. The stereotype developed over years and years from those people who think that all vampires are charming, that witches dance in the nude and commune with demons and that all zombies are stupid flesh eating monsters. Although, this occasionally can be the case, in any of these examples, if these people ever actually went out and talked to these minorities, they might find it isn't precisely what they thought, although...they'd be doing so at the risk of their own lives considering that even the most unfair stereotypes occasionally have some truth.

Jerimoth wasn't mindless, but he was emotionless, which can sometimes seem like the same thing to people who think emotion is important. He actually considered his dispassionate mind as an advantage in thought. Without the walls of emotion and desire and all of the other complicated things that made up the human mind, he could think clearly.

The problem is, that though the intelligence is there, sometimes it helps to also have the walls to dam up the more dangerous thoughts of the human mind. Thoughts were allowed to crackle in Jerimoths head like flames, hidden behind an impassive mask.

Another thing about Jerimoth was that he was not a brutish killer. He did people favors…and although most of them did involve killing, he had never actually set out to perform a murder on any particular desire of his own. When it came to it, Jerimoth didn't have the sort of passion that most mass murderers had. He didn't take pleasure in killing, and he didn't do it for money or for riches, or for fame or even for something as simple as seeing if he could.

It was possible that Jerimoth himself did not know why he did the things he did, but if he had to guess, he'd say it had something to do with desire. Not his own, but the desire of others. He found in it interesting to see what people would to do get the things they felt they needed. It was amazing what they would give up for just one moment of satisfaction.

He'd already decided that these creatures, whatever they were could probably not give him the thing he had come to expect from clients. They seemed as impassive as he. They did not know what it was to burn for something, or to sit up at night with the thoughts running through their heads as their desires drove them mad. Only people knew. People did terrible things to get what they yearned for. He knew, because many of his clients had done them in front of him.

As Jerimoth rode down the dust path on the crater's horse he smiled to himself, faintly, like someone who was thinking about something unpleasant when they know full well they will be on the observing end.

He recalled the woman two years before, who had come to him half mad. She had been licking her lips and her eyes had darted to and fro, and she had spoken of a nameless man who had spent on night with her and then had fled the next morning. There had been more to the story...apparently this one event had ruined her life in many different ways, but Jerimoth couldn't have cared much less about these details. He could have told her a thing or two about having ones life ruined. Dying, for example, put a huge damper on ones plans. In any case, in the time since her bitter lover had left she had become pregnant and had, at the time had her two-month-old child with her, who was suffering from a fever from the trip up the mountain.

She'd asked him to hunt the shameless man down and show him the errors of his ways in a very specific way that would leave him unable to 'function' properly from then on. The conversation had taken a familiar path after that. He asked her what she would give him in return. She had removed her child from the blankets and in front of him, began to cut it into pieces. Jerimoth watched her do this impassively, as he thought about desire.

Perhaps this time he could indulge in a few of his own wishes. He wasn't sure if it was even possibly for him to want anymore…but it was worth a try. And this job was, interesting.

Jerimoth's smile broadened slightly, never reaching his eyes and he allowed his horse to speed up a little.

XXX

MJ Mod: Hehe, once again, I love reading your reviews because of all of the speculation. You know, you are right on a few points though…I'm not going to tell you what they are, but you are right about them. I'm glad you are enjoying the story so far : )

Big Cat: Thank you :) I'm always worried about getting discworld character's personalities right. At Least Granny Weatherwax and Nanny are pretty extreme. I'm having some troubles with Agnes. Glad you liked the last chapter.

Novocaine: Sigh, I miss it so much. Hopefully it will get repaired quickly so I can stop writing my chapters on notebook paper at work. Thank you : )

The Ness Ness: Thank you, thank you. I'm glad that my character is not a mary sue. Always nice to hear.

Loverdoll: Aww thank you Your sweet.


	5. Chapter 5

Ok, there was some confusion with the last chapter. This is what happened. I uploaded chapter 4, with the author's note it showed up as chapter 5. Then, I got rid of the Author's Note, which was a mistake, so it went back to being chapter 4 here. If anyone tried to review and couldn't it was probably because the website thought you reviewed it already because before I got rid of the author's note, chapter 3 showed up as chapter 4 and you can't review more then once per chapter.

Now, aside from MJ MOD (Thanks for the PM : ) ) who reviewed my last chapter before I got rid of the author's note, reviewing should work fine for this chapter and here on out. Also, because I got rid of the author's note the first chapter alert anyone got (Who added me to their alert list) probably didn't work, so if this chapter seems confusing go back a chapter and make sure you read the last one. (If it still seems confusing then I guess thats my fault : (

If for any reason something still doesn't work, PM me so I can try to fix it.

Ne ways...sorry this took so long. Hope you like the chapter.

Chapter 5:

_And it's beginning to get to me _

_That I know more of the stars and sea _

_Than I do of what's in your head _

_Barely touching in our cold bed_

"It's Beginning To Get To Me" Snow Patrol

XXX

Jerimoth halted his horse in front of the bridge, which was on the path into what he assumed was the main village in Lancre. He dismounted and eyed his surroundings.

"What a wretched country." Jerimoth mumbled.

Several feet behind him Mr. Sunshine untangled himself from his horse, managing to trip and fall in the process. Jerimoth didn't pay him any attention as he struggled to his feet. He'd broken one of his ankles while trying to ride the horse and was now attempting to make his legs walk despite the constant jolts of pain.

Jerimoth started across the bridge. Mr. Sunshine followed him hesitantly.

"We should find the target." He said as he limped after the zombie, whose footfalls echoed one the woodwork.

"You know where she is?" Jerimoth returned in a bored voice.

"We do."

"Then tell me."

"Er…" Mr. Sunshine cleared his throat…which was odd because he had never been aware of a throat before. "What we meant was…when we are in are normal form we know where everyone is." Jerimoth sighed.

"So you don't know then." He said.

"Er…no."

"You like to waste my time." Jerimoth said. It was a simple, flat statement, but it made Mr. Sunshine nervous.

Jerimoth walked into the town of Lancre with the auditor stumbling behind him. A couple of people eyed them in a slightly curious way, but for the most part people in Lancre were used to strange visitors, who tended generally to not be quite as odd as those people who actually lived in Lancre, so they weren't getting a lot of extra attention.

"What is your plan, mortal?"

"Shut up." Jerimoth pulled his hood over his head and eyed the town briefly. His eyes fell on a small shop; Quarney's General Store. A man was exiting the store with a sack cradled in his arms.

"You." Jerimoth addressed the man, who blinked and looked up at the tall figure as he approached. Beneath his hood he looked pale, and perhaps a bit ill, but not noticeably deceased. "I has a question." The man looked around briefly before returning his gaze to the man.

"Yes?"

"Where could I go about getting some protection in this town?"

"Protection?" The man asked, and then, after a moment of thought his face cleared and he smiled a little. "Oh…you mean _protection." _He said with a wink. Jerimoth raised his brow.

"That's what I asked."

"Well if you want 'protection.'" He winked again, this time more noticeably so that it seemed to take strain or effort. "You can find some with Mrs. Ogg…as well as some useful tips…if you really want guaranteed results." Jerimoth stared at the man for a moment, until he squirmed under his gaze.

"We got my daughter to her when she started going with one of Carter's boys…and everyone still calls her miss if you know what I mean." He said, apparently under the impression that he needed to elaborate further.

"What is this man babbling about?" The auditor asked with some annoyance.

"She can be a bit embarrassing at first but once you…" Jerimoth interrupted him with a voice that could have turned running water into ice.

"I meant…where would I go if I were in danger?"

"Oh…well some of her protection works REALLY well…"

"Not…like…that. I meant a serious problem." He said coldly.

"Ah…serious stuff…right" The man said nervously, there was a hint of something in his voice that suggested that he could not, himself think of anything more serious at the moment, but clearly the man in front of him didn't share this opinion. "Well Mrs. Ogg's a witch…so she can help you with…you know other things too…"

"I want last resort serious." Jerimoth said.

"Oh." The man became a bit more solemn. "Then you want Granny Weatherwax." Jerimoth nodded with some satisfaction. The tone was exactly right. Perhaps this would be something of a challenge after all.

"Heard of her…at least I've heard what the trolls call her. Where is she?"

"Her cottage is near Bad Ass." The man said, ready to give an explanation for the name if need be.

"Bad Ass? How do I get there?" The man seemed slightly disappointed as he thought.

"Well, first, go out the way you came…then you follow the path that goes through the forest, if you hit Mad Stoat you've gone too far to the left. There's another witch's cottage near the path, that'd be Miss Nitt's. You go across the bridge and follow the path straight into Bad Ass, Granny Weatherwax's cottage is north from there. Er…but there's a lot of hills and trees and stuff in the way…it'd probably be best to find a guide."

"We won't need one." Jerimoth said as he turned back towards the entrance…he walked a few feet then turned back. "What's a mad stoat?"

XXX

It had been a day or so since the witches left. Mistress Weatherwax said that she would be moved to Nanny Ogg's house soon, which had led Elizabeth to believe that she should probably start preparing now. She thought back now to a conversation she had had with the younger witch the afternoon when they both came over. She had offered to help her clean up because Nanny Ogg seemed to be eager to continue on the conversation of her love life.

_"She's always like that." Agnes had said after the color had finally started to leave Elizabeth's face. "After a while you get used to it…well…sorta." The girl frowned. She herself had never been very comfortable with the subject of sex. _

_"Besides, she's not the worst…it's the other one you have to worry about…she can really get under your skin." Agnes said with just a hint of reproach. _

_"You mean Mistress Weatherwax." Elizabeth had said quietly. She was experiencing an unusual certainty that the girl didn't like her much. She wasn't sure if it was just because she wasn't used to being around people and so she was jumping to conclusions or if it was warranted. If it was, she wasn't sure why the girl didn't like her. _

_"We call her Granny." Agnes said. _

_"Why is she so bad?" Elizabeth asked. _

_"She's good at headology…er…she tricks people." Agnes replied. "And if your hiding something she'll find out what it is." Agnes added, in a deliberate sort of voice. Elizabeth frowned. _

_"What makes you think I'm hiding something?" Agnes shrugged. _

_"I didn't say you were." Agnes replied. _

Elizabeth sighed and rolled over on her mattress. For what felt like a few minutes after she closed her eyes, she tossed and turned and tried to fall asleep. Then in the almost surreal time that a person occupied in the night she opened her eyes several hours later unsure of whether she slept or not. She thought she must have because she could remember either dreaming or thinking some very strange thoughts.

She could see the new light of morning coming through the window. Six hours didn't just disappear…well…usually.

She closed her eyes again and buried her head in the pillow, which was full of what felt like straw…in any case it wasn't very comfortable and something kept sticking in her face…and at least once in her eye. (Although it could have been feathers as well. Her mother had come home once with a feather pillow. She had said that it was the most luxurious and comfortable pillow anyone could hope to own. Elizabeth had tried it and had discarded it for her old pillow after an hour of the damn things sticking her in the neck. She wondered after if her mother had meant to say one of the most comfortable _luxurious_ pillows one could own, because it seemed like she could have gotten a pillow stuffed with old rags that would have been more comfortable then the feathers.)

Elizabeth felt a prickling sensation on the back of her neck. She opened her eyes again. Her left hand was rested in the pillow an inch from her face. On her third finger she could see her wedding ring…it could have just been her imagination but she could have sworn that it was glowing faintly. A cold blue glow, like twilight.

YOU ARE AWAKE? Elizabeth cursed silently to herself when she jumped as he laid is skeletal hand on her shoulder.

"Yes." She said after a moment, with some annoyance.

LET US GO OUTSIDE. I DO NOT WISH TO DISTURB MISTRESS WEATHERWAX.

"How kind of you." She said drearily. She rolled over, but he wasn't there. She sighed and untangled herself from the blanket. "I don't see why he can't just knock like a normal person." She grumbled as she stumbled out of bed and crept towards the back door.

The early morning air felt good and the forest had it's own orchestra of sounds in the morning, different from the ones in the evening…and no doubt they'd change during the day as well. Death was sitting on the stump she herself had been sitting on a day or two ago and was lighting a pipe. Elizabeth raised her brow and approached him.

"So you smoke now?" She said as she reached him. She'd stepped on something squishy on her way over and was now wishing she had taken the time to put her boots on.

OCCASIONALLY. Death said as he waved the match in the air. I HOPE YOU ARE ADJUSTING WELL. She scowled.

"Yeah…it's been great. Mistress Weatherwax has me working constantly and her and Miss Ogg seem to think I'm hiding something important and so there are constantly trying to be cunning at me." She said with a hint of sarcasm. They were good at it too.

She watched bemusedly as the smoke from Death's pipe drifted out of his eye sockets and wondered how any human being could ignore something like him. Part of her wished that she still had the ability.

YOU NEED NOT BE DERISIVE ABOUT IT. Death said after a moment. Elizabeth met his gaze and after what felt like a while finally gave in.

"It hasn't been too bad." She said finally. "I don't mind the work…and it isn't as if I'm really hiding anything. The worst of it is probably going to be enduring Miss Ogg's prying into my love life." She noted and not without some satisfaction, that this made him uncomfortable.

ER…

"Are you going to tell me what's going on now?" She asked quickly, not in any mood or mindset to have any kind of personal conversation with Death. "Or have you just come to see if I was ' adjusting well.'"

I HAVE ALREADY SAID…IT IS BETTER IF YOU DO NOT KNOW. He said, she sensed some relief and in some ways this made her even angrier.

"Well what am I suppose to do? Just sit here and wait until something happens?"

IS THAT NOT WHAT HUMANS GENERALLY DO?

"No! Well yes…but it's different…it…normal people don't…I mean I don't know what to expect!"

NEITHER DOES ANYONE ELSE.

"Your not helping!"

I AM NOT MEANT TO HELP. Elizabeth bridled at this.

"Yes you are!" She shouted. Death was eyeing her with a curiosity that was beginning to infuriate her.

I RARELY DO. He said, just a bit nervously. He wasn't yelled at very often.

"Maybe…but your married to me!" She said. She herself wasn't well versed in the ways of marriage but she was pretty sure a husband wasn't supposed to drop their wife off in some strange place without any information and in obvious danger…whatever that sounded like it certainly wasn't a husband.

THIS MAY BE SO…BUT I AM DEATH FIRST, MY DEAR. I MUST CONSIDER THE STATE OF THE UNIVERSE. I CANNOT IGNORE THE RULES SIMPLY BECAUSE YOU ARE MY WIFE.

The part of Elizabeth's mind that held logic spoke up at that moment and said; yes, he's right. You can't expect to know everything. Better to trust him. He's been around a lot longer then you and knows a hell of a lot more about the universe then you ever will.

Another part added in a quite voice; that may be…but he doesn't know anything about being a husband. And you know…I'm just really kind of pissed off at him at the moment.

Then that voice pinned the first voice down until it was wheezing and begging for help…because everyone knows logic isn't very strong…other wise there'd be a lot less stupid things happening in the world.

"Simply because I'm your wife." She repeated venomously, the first words that would most likely lead to something that she'd regret later, but could not be bothered with acknowledging now. "I don't mean anything, right?"

I DID NOT SAY THAT. Death said softly and stood. He removed his pipe and took a step towards her.

"No…" Elizabeth said, as she took a step back. "You didn't say that…but it's what you meant. I'm nothing compared to the big things right? That's what you'd say. That there are more important things. And of course you right."

I…I CANNOT DENY THAT CERTAIN THINGS SHOULD…I DO NOT WISH FOR YOU TO THINK…

"I imagine not." She interrupted him again. "But I'm human remember. I think with a flawed mind." She said. "We can't see the big picture. To us, the small things matter."

There was silence, as he seemed to be considering this, and astonishingly, he appeared to be at a loss for words.

Elizabeth was feeling tired all of a sudden. Now it felt as if her mind was so full that it would welcome sleep as a chance to shut down and not to think anymore.

"If that's all then I'm going back to bed." She said, a little coolly. "You should stop by again when you're not too busy."

XXX

Later that morning Elizabeth was feeling the after effects of the argument from the night before. Regret was a terrible thing. One of the most unpleasant things to a human being was knowing that they'd been acting stupid. Elizabeth corrected herself; actually, it was probably worst if a person didn't know that they'd been acting stupid. Because then they'd go on doing it.

Elizabeth was helping Mistress Weatherwax gather herbs. Midmorning sunshine washed over her back and normally it would have all been rather pleasant if she weren't feeling so aggravated.

_Logically he's right, you know. He's NOT human, he has got more important things to think about then you. He's Death remember…you knew that when you married him. Death now, Death tomorrow, Death always. _

Elizabeth frowned and pulled an herb out of the garden with rather more force then was necessary.

_It's not fair…ha! _As if that really meant anything. Nothing was. Life wasn't fair…Death wasn't fair.

_Of course he can't care about me like other people care about their wives. Other people only worry about what affects them…at least for the most part. To a lot of people marriage _is_ one of the big things. _

She sighed and wiped away some gathering sweat on her forehead as a treacherous and thoroughly unwelcome thought entered her mind.

_Yes…but does he care at all? _

"Here, you're mixing them all up!" Granny Weatherwax said, suddenly breaking into her thoughts. Elizabeth looked down at the herbs with a frown. She hadn't been paying much attention to what she was doing and had managed to jumble everything up rather wretchedly.

"Er…sorry…" She said with some embarrassment.

"Just you put them right." Granny said. "I don't want to be reaching for arnica and get angelica instead." (Which could be rather unfortunate giving that one is used to aid a nervous heart and the other is an additive for a nice herbal laxative. Of course, even the witches who weren't particularly good at herbs could usually tell the difference between the simpler ones.)

"Right…" Elizabeth started to sort them out once more, this time trying to focus and trying not to think too much about other matters.

XXX

Jerimoth plodded through the forest patiently. Occasionally his cloak got stuck on a branch or a thicket of some sort and he'd have to pull himself loose. Lancre was a geographical nightmare. He imagined if he found the right spot and settled here his clients would actually almost prefer to climb a slope of the ramtops instead of wandering around this country for more then a couple of minutes. He didn't know how it was possible but he hadn't been able to find one steady patch of flat ground yet. Somehow everything was elevated or fell into a dizzying drop.

Mr. Sunshine wasn't as patient as Jerimoth and therefore had fallen into some trouble a ways back. He'd gotten attached to a bush and had made the mistake of trying to wrestle it to get free. Fifteen minutes later Jerimoth had found a large stick and had beaten it off of him when Mr. Sunshine's useless struggling had ceased to be amusing.

They were all right until they'd run into some indiscriminate animal that must have thought the auditor smelled wrong because it got rather excited and had begun to attack him viciously. Jerimoth had left that one alone, figuring that since Mr. Sunshine seemed to have such a lot of people with him all the time, one of them might help him out if he yelled loud enough.

Jerimoth moved some loose branches out of the way and came into a clearing of sorts, which looked out into a small, partially bare stretch of land with an old cottage in the middle. There was a girl there too, sitting out back and sorting through something she was pulling out of a garden. Jerimoth hid himself behind the trunk of a rather large tree and watched her curiously.

After a moment he heard a crashing sound behind him as Mr. Sunshine stumbled over to him and landed on his stomach. His clothes were ripped up and he was missing patches of hair.

"Got away, eh?" Jerimoth said without looking at him. He adjusted his eyes so that he could see the girl more closely.

"We are most unhappy!" The auditor said as he pulled himself off the ground. "What is the purpose of that creature aside from being…inconvenient!"

"Shh…"

Mr. Sunshine moved closer until he could also see the girl.

"That's her! That's her! Quick, eliminate her!" He said excitedly.

Without looking Jerimoth grabbed the auditor's small finger and broke it.

The auditor fell to his knees clutching his hand. He whimpered as he did.

"Shut up, I said. That witch is nearby. I can't just walk over casually and kill her."

"We do not see why not! That witch is a mere human being."

"The trolls call her _Aaoograha hoa. _She who must be avoided. So I'm gonna. Besides, if your patient enough the perfect moment will present itself. It always does."

"So what? We sit here and wait?"

"No…we're goin back."

"Back? After all that time wasted getting here!? Why?" The auditor asked desperately.

"Two reasons to go back. 1. I don't plan on killing her here. Witches don't know nothing better then their own cottage, 's their turf. And 2. We're being watched. So shut up and be casual." He mumbled this quietly.

The auditor made the mistake that most people did when they were told that they were being watched and are told to look inconspicuous, this being, that he started to look around desperately to see who was watching them.

Jerimoth hessitated for a moment.

"She's rather plain isn't she? I wish I had a better view…wonder what he sees in her?" He then turned and grabbed Mr. Sunshine by his collar.

"Come on, we're leaving." He said as he started back through the forest.

On a nearby branch a raven watched them leave.

XXX


	6. Chapter 6

Well, everyone should be able to review now (You know…if you want to…it's always appreciated). If anyone is still having problems, please tell me.

Hope you guys enjoy the chapter!

Chapter 6:

* * *

_Cause the serpent still sleeps_

_Cause the servant still eats_

_The black guard is still some integral part of the ideas we keep_

_And there was no desperate ache or pain_

_As I sent my little babe to the drawer_

_After all after all we can't all join hands and sing hallelujah_

_When there's work to be done_

"Now We Just Slowly Circle The Draining Fish Bowl" The Paper Chase

* * *

It was a workout going from Mistress Weatherwax's cottage to the town of Lancre on foot. Luckily, because Elizabeth had no formal mode of transportation back home, she was used to long walks. Still, walk wasn't really the right word in Lancre. Hike was more like it.

Elizabeth's luggage was divided into two parts. One sack had her clothes. It was rather small and easy to carry. The other had the things she'd packed because either she hadn't wanted to leave them behind or because it was familiar (Which is always nice in a strange country). It wasn't exactly heavy, but it was a bit larger then the other.

It held basically, a sheaf of paper and a few rough pencils tied together with a bit of odd string, a deck of cards, her house keys, a small bag of paints and a paint brush, two blank canvasses she'd stretched and set aside a while back ago, and a few paintings.

The paintings and canvass took up most of the space. Still she hadn't brought any of the very large ones. The one of Death she'd left behind because it was far too big and she'd only taken a small one of her father. She'd never owned an iconograph, so her paintings were the closest things she had to photographs of her family.

She hadn't unpacked anything in either sack, and Mistress Weatherwax had kept her busy, so even if she had taken the time, she probably wouldn't have had enough of it to put into anything worth much. Besides, she'd been so preoccupied lately, she could barely think about art.

Damn, they were walking uphill again. Elizabeth sighed and tried not to think of the dull pain in her legs. A few feet in front of her, Granny walked as if the whole thing was something of a stroll.

Although, a ways back she had insisted on taking a break for Elizabeth's sake, and when Elizabeth had tried to protest she'd given her a very sharp look, so perhaps the woman just had incredible will power.

"Almost there." Granny mumbled.

There was a lot of wildlife in the forests of Lancre. Although Elizabeth noticed that most of the animals kept their distance from Mistress Weatherwax, occasionally she'd hear a rustle and then something indeterminable would dart by in a flurry of orange or brown or black.

Once or twice she thought she saw a Raven. And even if it wasn't the same one from the other day, she felt sure the whole way up, that she was being watched.

Finally, after crossing a rather ancient bridge they arrived in the town of Lancre, which was rather small and ordinary. Another steep path seemed to lead to a castle in the distance. It wasn't a remarkable castle out of a storybook, but given her very limited amount of travel, Elizabeth still found it rather impressive.

The town itself, however wasn't too different from the town near her own house, except that the people seemed a bit more good-natured and it was a bit smaller, Elizabeth thought that this might be because they were a long way from Ankh Morpork. Her own town was down wind of it, which was good enough reason for people to be irate and unpleasant even without the Ankh, which oozed nearby and had an array of smells that drifted along with it. A river with which one could only say the phrase water when describing it's contents if the words used before it was 'everything but.'

Nanny Ogg's cottage looked like most of the other buildings around it and it seemed to be connected to the two on each side by a bit of string. (Connecting to a tube that she could shout into if she needed her son or any of her daughter in laws to do something that she didn't feel like doing at the time.)

"Cooee Esme!" Nanny Ogg said as she exited her house. She grinned at Elizabeth who gave her a waning smile in return. "Come on in. Our Jason's wife is cooking up some lunch. She always burns the meatloaf, but her potatoes aint bad." She paused and for a moment wore an expression that suggested that this was about as much a compliment as her daughter in law was likely to get. "There should be room for one more if your hungry."

"Your up to this I imagine?" Granny said from behind Elizabeth.

"Oh, we'll be fine. I'll drop her off at Agnes's cottage in a couple weeks. So you don't have to worry about it."

"Hmm." It wasn't a sound that really hinted of anything except that she had acknowledged what she said.

"If you wanna you can come in for tea, Esme. Must be tired walkin all that way."

"Nope, not at all…"

"Well in that case…"

"Spose it would be bad manners to say no though." Esme said quickly.

"I always thought so…"

"Wouldn't want anyone sayin I have bad manners and such." She said as she patted her hat briefly.

"I'm always sayin to people 'That Esme, as polite as can be.'" Nanny said. It wasn't that she had a straight face on, so much that a person could hardly tell when she was serious or not. (Unless she was really serious. Anyone can tell when a witch is really pissed)

"Right then." She said, as she walked into the house.

"You can have the guest bedroom." Nanny said as she ushered Elizabeth inside behind her.

XXX

Elizabeth sighed as she sat down on the guest bed. She could hear voices from the other room, although she had noticed that what was hearty laughter and loud conversation had dimmed considerably when Granny Weatherwax entered the room. Now everyone seemed to be trying to be careful about what they said. She actually found it rather pleasant, it reminded her of when she was a lot younger and she could hear the sound of voices in her parent's kitchen when her aunt and uncle were over, or some other relative.

She pulled her larger bag up onto the mattress and began to go through its contents, removing the deck of cards first and eyeing them briefly before setting them aside and moving onto something else. Playing cards with yourself got very dull after a while.

"Watcher." Nanny Ogg said from the door. Elizabeth started and looked up from her luggage. "Lunch is ready. I imagine your hungry after staying with Esme for a week."

"Um…yes…I am, thank you." She said. She got up from the bed hesitantly and headed over to the door, eyeing Nanny Ogg briefly before moving past her. Nanny smiled pleasantly at her. She had the open friendly smile of a grandmother…or possibly of a man on the street with a deck of marked cards and a hat full of cash.

XXX

When the girl was gone, Nanny Ogg eyed the room with a smile.

Nanny Ogg was a witch, and was therefore naturally good at meddling in other people's business. She held that anyone living in her own house, even shortly shouldn't have any secrets from her. Besides witches didn't think anything should be kept from them anyway. If a witch visited a high priest guarding a sacred artifact of a secret religion in a temple off the coast of some lost sea, who had been there for a hundred years and was the thirteenth generation of high priests working in that temple and guarding that artifact a witch would still demand to know who the priest thought he was and why he didn't think it was any of their business to see some filthy piece of rubbish belonging to some god that probably no one remembers anyway.

She walked over to the bed in a nonchalant manner and poked at the girl's bag absently. A corner of one of Elizabeth's canvasses poked out. Nanny Ogg pulled on it and eyed it, while humming to herself. She pulled it out the rest of the way and held it up while making a sound through her teeth.

There was the soft sound of someone clearing their throat. Nanny looked up at Elizabeth, who was standing in the doorway. A normal person would have been embarrassed, but Nanny Ogg very rarely felt bashful about anything.

"Just helping you unpack, Liz." She said happily. Elizabeth was giving her a shrewd look from where she was standing.

"You mustn't trouble yourself." She said quietly, in a voice that was polite, but still edgy enough to imply that she wasn't buying her explanation and she'd prefer if Nanny minded her own business. Naturally Nanny Ogg ignored this.

"Lovely painting. You did it?" She said as she laid the painting down on the bed.

"Yes." Elizabeth replied as she approached the witch.

"'S good. It of your husband?" In front of her, the girl's face went carefully blank.

"No…it's my father." She said as she picked it up and then carefully took the sack from Nanny.

"Ah…very nice, life like." She paused for a moment as the girl put the painting back in the sack and placed it with her other.

"You paint a lot do you?"

"Yes." She said shortly.

"Your good at it, if I'm any judge."

"Thank you." She replied.

"Shall we go to lunch then?" Nanny said after a moment. Elizabeth nodded with her lips pursed slightly.

XXX

"Tea, master." Albert said as he entered Death's office. Death was sitting at his desk with his chin in his skeletal palm. "'S honey lemon." He said as he set the cup down on the surface of the desk, which was slightly cluttered. The master's desk was only ever cluttered when he had something on his mind.

THANK YOU. Death replied. ALBERT, MAY I ASK YOU SOMETHING?

"Er…sure…what is it?" Albert said as he loaded an old teacup, still mostly full onto the tray.

WHAT IS A HUSBAND SUPPOSED TO DO FOR HIS WIFE? Albert frowned. _Damn. _He thought, before answering.

"Can't er…rightly say I know much about that master." He said carefully. He really hated having these sorts of conversations with Death. He always had to be very careful about what he said, because it was only to easy for the master to get the wrong idea. Besides, Albert had been a wizard down in the world, he really didn't know too much about women. The only woman he knew was his mother, and as far as he could remember the only thing his father ever did for her was sit around and complain.

I WENT TO SEE ELIZABETH AND SHE SEEMED VERY UPSET.

"Oh?" Albert said a little uncomfortably. "Well, you did say there could be trouble over…the whole marriage affair. When the occult takes an interest in a person it can sometimes be a bit upsetting."

SHE WAS SHOUTING AT ME. Death said.

"Ah well, normal thing for a wife to do, as far as I know. Was she trying to hit you with anything."

NO. Death replied, a little puzzled. WE WERE TALKING AND SHE JUST BECAME VERY ANGRY.

"What did you say before she got angry?" Albert asked.

I MERELY POINTED OUT THAT THERE WERE THINGS THAT SHE SHOULD NOT GET INVOLVED WITH, AND THAT CERTAIN MATTER'S HOLD MORE IMPORTANCE THEN ANY PERSONAL RELATIONSHIP THAT MAY BE BETWEEN US. WAS THAT WRONG?

"Er…well…not wrong per say…but you see master, women are a bit funny."

OH? I SAW NO HUMOR IN HER BEHAVIOR.

"What I mean is, well, women don't like to hear that a job is more important then them. They like to be number one, see."

REALLY? BUT SURELY ELIZABETH IS SENSIBLE ENOUGH TO REALIZE THE IMPORTANCE OF THE RULES OF THE UNIVERSE.

"See that's where you're goin wrong, master. Human beings don't give a horse' elbow about the universe. Human beings are naturally selfish. It's built in."

AH. YES, I HAVE NOTICED. SO SHE IS BEING SELFISH.

"Well yeah…but…well, master…er."

YES?

"Well…this marriage thing…for you…I mean, no offense master, but I'm not entirely sure your cut out for it." Albert twisted his fingers as he said this, feeling a bit uncomfortable about it as he did. "Er…it's just that…well…see the thing about people marrying people is…no one's really involved with the REALLY important things…And, well, I mean did you really think it over before…"

YES. Death said coldly. I DID. YOU ARE SAYING SHE WOULD BE BETTER OFF MARRIED TO A HUMAN BEING?

"Well, perhaps…I mean obviously that goes wrong a lot too, but also…maybe you'd be better off not married to anyone at all…er…just saying of course."

I INTEND TO STAY MARRIED WITH HER, ALBERT.

"Well…all right…I guess…" Albert said with a sigh. "But you know master, I really wouldn't compare her to the universe anymore if I was you."

I DID NOT SAY THAT SHE WAS NOT IMPORTANT. Death said.

"Yes well…still. Sometimes the way you say things seems a bit…cold…er I mean it's understandable in the circumstances but…well perhaps in the future you should just say 'Your important to me' and not add a 'but…' to it."

THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT? He asked nervously.

"Well…it is if you want her to intend to stay married with you…"

YOU THINK THAT IT WOULD UPSET HER THAT MUCH? Albert shrugged.

OH DEAR...THANK YOU; I SUPPOSE I MUST BE MORE CAREFUL. He said…sounding slightly troubled.

XXX

The next day, Nanny Ogg said she had to visit a young woman in town, and told Elizabeth that since she was responsible for keeping an eye on her, that she would have to come too. Elizabeth complied, and followed the older witch across the dusty road going through the center of the town, to a small cottage identical to those around it.

She'd stood awkwardly in the cottage, getting a few rather suspicious looks from the young girl and the people she could only assume were the girl's parents as Nanny Ogg spoke to them and drank tea and then seemed to look at the girl for quite a long time before announcing that she had to have a private conversation with her.

"Do you two mind just running to the kitchen, I could use a bit more sugar in this tea. No, Elizabeth, you stay right there." She said when Elizabeth asked if she should wait outside. She sighed and tried to look as if she weren't listening as Nanny Ogg spoke to the young woman, who couldn't have been older then seventeen. It turned out that the girl had gotten pregnant with the boy she was seeing, and apparently she couldn't marry him because they had been seeing each other behind his young woman's back. Elizabeth stared at the wall and pretended to be interested in the boards that made it up.

When they were done and the parents returned Nanny slurped down her tea and then said that she and Elizabeth were going outside for a moment if they needed to talk about anything at all privately, and that when they were ready for her to come back in and sort the details out of future appointments just to call. Then, she'd dragged Elizabeth out of the house.

They were standing by the front door in silence, which was only broken by the periodic bouts of shouting from inside.

"They'll work it out." Nanny said with a smile. "This sort of thing seems to happen a lot around here. Course, Parker down in Mad Stoat turned his son out last month for the same thing…and he weren't even dating two gels."

"She seems a bit young."

"Seen younger." Nanny said this with a hint of a serious note in her voice. "Get's bad sometimes in delivery when they're too young…course same goes when they're too old too. Nothin much I can't sort out though. Those I can't, well…Esme's better in them circumstances." She seemed about to say something else when she was interrupted.

"All right Mrs. Ogg. We er…we've um…finished discussin things…" The girl's father said from the door. "If you could come inside…um…alone please." He said, while casting Elizabeth an untrustworthy look.

"Can't rightly do that…she'll cover her ears if you like."

"I think she's already heard too much." The man said with a hint of distress in his voice.

"Now it won't hurt you if…"

"It's all right." Elizabeth interrupted, feeling the man's heated gaze on her. "I'll be fine." Nanny Ogg looked at her hesitantly.

"Well…all right…I suppose it won't take too long…just holler if you're in trouble." Elizabeth nodded shortly as Nanny returned to the interior of the house with the man. Elizabeth sighed deeply and leaned against the woodwork, while gazing at the shop across the old dirt road without any real interest.

After a moment she squirmed uncomfortably. Someone was watching her. The street was nearly deserted, there were only a few people, and none of them seemed interested in her, but this did not make her more confident. There was someone moving in the shop she was looking at, but suddenly it seemed a lot farther away then it was.

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw a shape break away from a nearby cottage and come nearer. She acquired the sort of awkward position generally reserved for people who are standing in the middle of a small crowd and minding their own business and then suddenly realize someone else is minding it too.

"Your eyes are full of fire." It was a human voice, but not particularly pleasant. It was heavy and sounded as if spoke by someone who's lungs had taken a serious beating from tobacco in the past. Elizabeth's irises swiveled over and focused on the stranger.

He was wearing a dirty brown cloak, hood raised and covering much of his face. The part that was exposed was almost completely white, his flesh the color of dusty light coming in from a window covered in cobwebs on a day with no sun. He was smiling a little.

"Pardon?" She asked, a little hesitantly.

"Your eyes burn, it's very lovely. Shows your fully alive." There was a pause and then Elizabeth made a point of moving one step away from him and looking at something in the opposite direction.

There was a strange smell coming off of him. The dominant scent of it being a damp earthy smell like that of a deep cave and the smell of a horse that had perhaps been rolling in muck. There was an underlying smell, however, of something far less pleasant and far less natural…well…natural in a thriving sort of way. It was something like rotting meat.

"You seemed lonely, so I thought I would come over." Elizabeth cringed inwardly.

"No, I'm not, thank you." She said, still looking away.

"Really? Not lonely? But alone." Elizabeth wondered if she should be shouting for Nanny Ogg or if he was just a regular sort of creep that she could deal with. "My name is Jerimoth."

"How nice for you." She said, without even thinking, in the same tones that someone might say 'I don't care, go away.' He didn't seem to mind. On the contrary, his smile broadened a little.

"Do you know what it means?" She didn't answer, but rather, hoped that Nanny Ogg would hurry up wth whatever she was doing inside.

"It means…" He said, while leaning slightly in her direction. She recoiled and held her breath a little. "…He who fears or rejects death. Isn't that strange?"

Elizabeth's eyes swiveled back to him. She couldn't see his eyes, but he was close enough now so that she could see that his skin did have some color in it. His lips were slightly purple, as if bruised and the whites in his face had a hint of blue or yellow here and there.

"You know your heart has started to beat twice as hard? You haven't given me your name yet." He said.

"I wasn't going to." She said in what was, surprisingly (To her in any case) a perfectly sturdy voice.

"I'd like to know it." His voice was monotone in an odd unsettling way.

"I'd prefer you didn't." She said.

"No? If I guess, will ya tell me if I'm right?" She didn't answer. "I bet it's something very ordinary. Probably religious. Most names are. Is it Mary?"

"No." She said coldly. Her eyes flashed briefly down the road. A bit of dust awas picked up by the wind and scattered lazily across the dirt surface.

"There's no one there…we're alone." He said, as if reading her mind. "I'm glad it isn't Mary, I hate that name. Is it Abigail?" He shook his head. "No…not ordinary enough." He said, without waiting for her to answer. "I bet it's…Elizabeth…Beth…something like that?"

The door behind her opened, she had to resist the urge to sigh with relief. Beside her the man smiled and tipped his head to the side, as Nanny Ogg stepped out. Her eyes fell on him briefly as he took a step back, not withdrawing or particularly threatened.

"It was nice talking to you, Elizabeth." He said, and then he turned and walked away. Elizabeth breathed out.

"Who was that?" Nanny asked, she sounded suspicious and very ungrandmotherly.

"I have no idea." Elizabeth said. She shuttered a little. "I've never seen him before."

"He smelled like something run over by a cart in the middle of the road."

"He was odd." She said, while deep in thought.

Nanny gave her a scrutinizing look.

"Well then, let's get back shall we?" She said, after a moment, some suspicion still in her voice. Elizabeth nodded and then followed her as she headed back to her cottage.

XXX


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter Seven:

All this feels strange and untrue

And I won't waste a minute without you

My bones ache my skin feels cold

And I'm getting so tired and so old

The anger swells in my guts

And I won't feel these slices and cuts

I want so much to open your eyes

Cause I need you to look into mine

"Open Your Eyes" Snow Patrol

"Why didn't you eliminate her!?" The auditor asked as Jerimoth joined him. "You were so near her! It would have been easy and the old woman would not have had any idea!"

"Quiet. She's being watched, not jus' by the old woman. I'll have my chance soon enough." Jerimoth said. He was good at being patient because he was dead. It was easy to be patient when you knew you had all of the time in the world. It was amazing how many people failed in various tasks just because they were impatient.

"Well it had better be soon! We don't have much time you know." Jerimoth cast him a blank look, which held an undertone of malice. His eyes fell briefly on a nearby shop and he smiled a cold, thin smile.

"Fine then, follow me." He said as he headed towards it.

"Where are we going?" The auditor asked as they moved towards the building labeled **Obidiah Carpenter- Tailor and Cutter**.

"You'll see." Jerimoth said.

Inside, the building was empty of customers. Obidiah was standing at the counter leaning on his palm jadedly. He looked up when the man entered and brightened up a little.

"Hello." He said as he straightened. "What can I do for you?"

"Does the sign outside mean you're a carpenter or a tailor?" Jerimoth asked.

"My name's Carpenter, I do tailoren for a livin. You get a lot of that around here. I'm guessing you're new?"

"Yeh, new, right. You sell cloaks?"

"Sure. You need to replace the one you've got? Cause I could just mend it for you." He said. He eyed Jerimoth's cloak and winced briefly. "For a flexible price of course, given the condition of the cloak."

"No…I want a different one. Long, black…with a big hood." Jerimoth said.

"All right…hold on, I'll check." He said as he went into a room behind the counter and began to go through random garments. "Unfortunately, looks like I've just got women's cloaks in black…" He said when he returned. "We've got a lot of witches in these parts…the younger ones like buying some of the really flashy ones. I got a couple with runes and such on em. Here's a males cloak in green." He said, while holding it up.

"I need black." Jerimoth said without any feeling in his voice, and yet, the words, after being spoken, seemed to hold inflection even if the voice didn't.

"Well…some of these women's cloaks are rather large sized…and I could take one out a bit in the shoulders…or in a bit…if need be."

"Fine…but no runes..." Jerimoth said. He nudged Mr. Sunshine, who was watching the exchange with a puzzled expression on his face. "You got cash?"

"What? We have no need for cash." He said irritably. Carpenter's eyebrows rose, as he was certain that they did, in fact, have a need for cash, if they expected to get a robe.

"Fine." Jerimoth said. He reached into the pockets of his ancient slacks with a sigh.

"I'll see what I have in the back." Carpenter said briefly as he retreated from the room.

Jerimoth pulled out a few random articles from his pocket, all entirely worthless, one or two items looked as if they'd come off of something or someone. A strip of flesh, a tooth…then there were more ordinary items such as a wrinkled piece of parchment or a patch of ancient tobacco. He sighed and took off one of his boots, as he did, a piece of leather fell from them.

"What is it you are doing, human?" The auditor asked.

"Looking for cash, stupid. Unless you think I can get away with killing him."

"No, we have already said that is entirely unacceptable." The auditor said quickly.

"Fine then, shut up…and if you talk about yourself in pairs one more time I'll break your damn neck." Jerimoth said. In truth, at this point he wouldn't have killed the man any ways (The tailor, not Mr. Sunshine…he was pretty close to killing the auditor who emotion or not, was beginning to irritate him.) He'd spent most of his time in the last few days near this town and had walked through without troubling himself about being seen and he was intelligent enough to know that a job of assassination could easily be ruined if one left a trail of dead bodies in their wake. One reason that Jerimoth was so successful in his profession, if one could call it that, was that he was good at lying low until the time came to fulfill his task.

Carpenter returned after briefly fumbling through a stack of cloaks in his back room.

"How do you feel about lace?" Jerimoth straightened and stared at him for a moment. Carpenter cleared his throat and bunched the black and rather lacy cloak up.

"I'll just look some more shall I?" He said before disappearing again.

From the depths of his collapsed boots Jerimoth pulled an old coin on a chain and looked at it briefly.

"This'll do." He said in a gruff voice.

Obidiah returned with a cloak, thankfully absent of lace and runes.

"The inside is lined with purple though…" He said as he laid it on the counter. Jerimoth picked it up, a piece of clothing that was probably far too nice to be draped over his shoulders. Still he did so, and carefully pulled the hood over his head.

"Fine." He said. It went down to his boots and the hood was very large. Women tended to have much larger hoods because they were more fashionable. It almost covered his whole face.

He set the coin on the desk. Carpenter picked it up and eyed it.

"Er, this is a bit off." He said.

"Is it?" Jerimoth said as he eyed the man in a thoroughly lethargic manner. The man cleared his throat.

"I mean…it's a bit more then what the cloaks worth…er…this is old it is."

"Oh…" Jerimoth said, obviously caught of guard.

"In fact…it's _quite_ a bit more then what the cloak's worth…um…I don't even think I can make change for it."

"Yeh…well…just keep it mister." Jerimoth said wearily, as he removed the cloak from his shoulders.

"Cor! Thanks a lot."

"Whatever." He said as he walked out of the shop, with Mr. Sunshine following behind.

XXX

Susan was sitting in Biers grading papers and drinking a gin and tonic. She finished grading one and set it aside to start on the last one. Around her, all of the night people drank various things and kept to themselves.

She eyed a werewolf in the corner of the bar who was slurping up his beer in an animalistic manner and sighed briefly as she took a drink of her own gin.

She paused halfway through the last paper to look up at the time. She had told her grandfather, a week and a half ago that she'd check up on his…on that girl when she had the time. She'd put it off since, but now she was nearly done with the essays, had no prior engagements and had no other excuse except perhaps to get drunk…which she could never really manage to do right. Damn it all.

She pursed her lips, finished grading the paper and downed the rest of her drink.

XXX

"Oooza good boy den?" Nanny said as her grandson, Pewsy reached for another sweet. The child was already horribly sticky. Elizabeth was mildly repulsed and irritated as the child put the sweet in his mouth, drooling a little. His fingers were pink and wet. She wondered if all children were that…runny.

There was a knocking sound on the door.

"Wonder who that is?" Nanny asked as she handed her grandson another sweet. He tried to stuff it in his mouth with the one he was already chewing. "Could you get that dear? I 'ave my hands full."

Elizabeth stood and went to the door.

"Oh…" She said as she opened it, her expression changing briefly. Susan was standing in front of her, a slightly uncomfortable look on her face. Elizabeth cast a brief look in the direction of the kitchen where Nanny was sitting. They were only slightly out of sight.

She bit her lip and stepped out, closing the door behind her softly.

"He did say you might stop by." Elizabeth said awkwardly. Susan had a very severe look about her, a look that was both reflected in her face and clothing.

"Right well…I would have been here sooner but…I was busy." Susan answered. "So…I take it your still all right?"

"Yes…" She said. "Well…mostly…I'm not entirely certain of what's going on." Susan picked up the frustration in her voice. "And frankly, your grandfather is driving me up the wall." She added as an afterthought.

"Ah, yes." Susan realized she felt slightly relieved although she wasn't entirely sure why. Perhaps it was because she didn't know Elizabeth very well and had wondered how any normal person could possibly marry Death. "Well…he can be a bit difficult." She said, although, admittedly, for Death, this was an understatement.

She avoided him most of the time, not because she didn't like him, but because being around him reminded her that she wasn't normal. It was like seeing a relative that you know had a sickness of sorts that you most likely had inherited. It tended to put a bit of a damper on ones day.

When her grandfather had told her that he had gotten married she was torn between two thoughts. The first was the embarrassing idea of him being married and how it would affect his judgment, which was already a bit lacking in certain areas, and the other was the almost guilty relief at not being the only person who's life he was going to upset, although that had come afterwards. Initially…it was the embarrassment.

She did feel a bit sorry for Elizabeth, who had probably not even begun to see the worst of the situation. But then she remembered that it had been the girl's choice to marry Death. She hadn't had a choice to be, More or less, related to him. Her mother didn't have a choice to be his daughter. Her father had had a choice but he had been young and foolish at the time.

This girl was even a bit older then her…and as far as Susan came to understand she had actually been engaged to another man, a perfectly ordinary man, and she'd actually CHOSEN the Grim Reaper over him. She felt either there were some very crucial details she hadn't got, or that the other man must have been the most unpleasant man in the world.

"He won't tell me anything." Elizabeth with a sigh. Susan was brought out of her thoughts.

"About what?" Susan asked.

"About why I'm in danger…he keeps saying it's none of my business."

"Ah, that would annoy me." She said. It was hard to imagine this woman married to her grandfather. She radiated normalcy. Although…there was something different about her now…something Susan felt she hadn't had before.

"It makes me furious." Elizabeth said a little distractedly. She eyed Susan briefly and sighed.

"I know this must make you uncomfortable. It's perfectly all right if you want to leave…I understand the… peculiarity of this situation." Susan frowned.

"Do you?" She asked. "I find it hard to believe that you would marry him if you really did."

"Yes well, lately I have been questioning the logic of it myself." Elizabeth said with a frustrated laugh.

"I mean…he does have his good side." Susan continued. "But…I really can't imagine how you could benefit at all from being his wife!" Part of her had thought that this girl had had some underlying reason for marrying him. Some strange psychosis or something. But there was absolutely nothing suggestive about Elizabeth.

"Yes well…honestly…neither can I at this point. I knew it was going to be difficult…but the last couple of weeks have been a bit more then I expected." Susan frowned.

"You're having second thoughts?" She asked, a little nervously. She hadn't really meant to give the girl any ideas or encourage anything. Really, she only wanted to vent and to find out what reason this girl possibly had to marry him. She remembered what happened after the girl had stopped working for him…and although he had ensured her that it wouldn't happen again…well…you never know.

"Second thoughts was what I was having the day afterwards. Right now…frankly, and excuse my Klatchian, I'm just really pissed."

"Ah…" Susan nodded. "Unfortunately you're going to have to get used to that feeling." She said a little gloomily.

"Oh good." She said with some sarcasm. There was a moment when they were both silent. Susan sighed inwardly. She had to ask, because otherwise she would only worry about it. She cursed herself vaguely for getting involved at all. For once, she'd just like to be allowed to sit back and let her grandfather sort out his own problems.

"You aren't planning on leaving him are you?" Elizabeth looked slightly surprised.

"You know…I'm surprised that didn't occur to me before." She said eventually, and with some hesitation. "No, no I don't think so. I _did_ know it would be difficult."

"Oh…good." Susan said, relieved. "Well…I imagine now, I should be going…er…I will be back to check on you."

"Thank you." Elizabeth said. "It's nice to talk to someone who…understands."

"Yes well…" Susan said, while clearing her throat with some embarrassment. "Goodbye then." She said and snapped her fingers.

XXX

"Who was that?" Nanny asked curiously. Pewsy had crawled off of her lap and was sitting under the table with a full bag of sweets. Greebo, who had been cleaning himself underneath was now glaring at the child maliciously.

"It was…my husbands granddaughter." She said after a moment.

"All by herself?"

"She's only a bit younger then me."

"Ah, so he's an older man then."

"You've no idea." She said with a sigh.

XXX

Albert followed Death into his library, frowning as he did.

"You know master, it'd probably be more helpful to you to just apologize. I doubt looking at her life through a book will make her any less angry."

IT IS NOT ONLY FOR THAT REASON THAT I WISH TO LOOK AT HER BOOK. He said. ALTHOUGH, I MUST ADMIT THAT HER REACTIONS DO SOMETIMES CONFUSE ME.

"Master, it's perfectly ordinary for a woman to be angry with her husband…if I'm any judge. Me mam was always angry at my dad for somethin. I doubt she'd leave you…for this reason anyways. I mean…there are so many other reasons." Albert said. Death stopped briefly.

WHAT, EXACTLY, IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?

"Nothing, nothing." Albert said quickly. "It's just that…what I mean is, perhaps we should be more concerned over how these buggers plan to get rid of you, instead of why your wife is angry."

I CAN ALREADY MAKE SPECULATIONS OVER THAT MATTER, ALBERT. Death said as he continued to walk down the hundreds and hundreds of shelves of autobiographies.

"So you know how?"

I CAN MAKE A VERY ACCURATE GUESS.

"And what about what they're planning to do afterwards…not planning on doing away with any mythological figures again are they? Or stopping time?"

I HAVE A THEORY. He said, and then extended a skeletal hand. ELIZABETH AMAIA SHAUL. He said. After a moment when nothing happened Death cleared his throat…metaphorically, with some embarrassment.

ER…

"A bit off today, master?" Albert asked a little wearily.

NO…I'M CERTAIN I JUST MADE A SLIGHT ERROR. UM…AH, YES, ELIZABETH AMAIA DOOR. A book rushed through the darkness. Death closed his fingers around the spine. Albert sighed.

Death flipped through the pages briefly; as he did he started towards the door again. Albert followed a little nervously.

THIS IS ODD. He said as he reached into his cloak.

"What is?" Albert asked, watching Death's hand as it was removed from his cloak holding an hourglass. It was on a chain. Albert saw that the chain was connected to the Master's clavicle.

THESE PAGES ARE BLANK. Death said, a little puzzled.

"What does that mean?" He asked, and tried not to look at the chain, for some reason it bothered him.

I'M NOT SURE…I DON'T THINK IT HAS EVER HAPPENED BEFORE.

"You think it's those gray robed buggers?"

I DON'T SEE HOW THEY COULD HAVE. He tucked the hourglass back into his robe and as an afterthought added the book. PERHAPS I SHOULD CHECK ON HER AGAIN. He said a little nervously.

"Right…but master, remember, we have other problems too right?"

OF COURSE. Death said, a little distractedly.

"I mean, I know I told you you shouldn't let her know that she's less important then them…but that doesn't mean that you can't have your priorities straight in your own head."

INDEED.

"I mean, because obviously it's silly putting one women over everything else, right?"

YES, ER, SILLY, RIGHT. I WILL RETURN IN A BIT, ALBERT.

He snapped his fingers and vanished. Albert shook his head.

XXX

Well, I probably should be doing stuff for school…but I thought it was time for an update…and besides we're getting to the parts that I want to write. This chapter might have been a bit odd because it was really just a filler and I'm not too sure it turned out really well. In any case, I hope it was al right. : )

MJ Mod-Well they'll figure it out eventually. As for the girl's parents, it was just embarrassment.

Abby- Lol, that always happens when I review a story too, almost every time. Thanks for reviewing in any case. I really appreciate it. And I'm glad you like the stories.

Loverdoll- They'll figure it out. Sigh, in fact, it really is about time for some fluff. Not in the next chapter though. But possibly in the one after. I'm happy to say I have the next two pretty much figured out (dances) Elizabeth and Jerimoth meeting was sort of thrown in as a last minute thought. It actually works to my advantage though. And its true about the love life thing. I don't think anyone really knows what they're doing…god knows I've dating my share of men who have no idea how to be a boyfriend. Thanks for reviewing!


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter Eight:

_And all of this time I've been watching you sleep,_

_And the strangest things have been happening to me. _

_And all of this time I've been watching you breathe,_

_And the strangest things have been happening to me._

"_The Strangest Things" Radical Face _

Elizabeth was sitting in her room at Nanny Ogg's house. She had gotten a piece of drawing paper and a pencil out and was sketching mindlessly, flipping aimless through the images in her mind without really thinking about them.

Sometimes she did this when she just wanted to think. She always did it with a pencil in her hand and what she'd get in the finish was a bunch of small sketches of various parts of the pictures.

When she had been younger she had drawn whenever she was upset, or needed to work something out. She remembered it had driven her mother crazy. Whenever her mother and father had a disagreement or her mother was doing something she didn't like she'd draw. Now that she was older she had sort of fallen out of the habit (It had actually begun to cease when her father had started dying), because as a person got older their mind always seemed to be focused on some sort of concern or worry…and she could hardly be drawing all of the time. It still helped sometimes though, when her mind was really under stress and she needed something to help her think straight.

Her iconographic memory was giving her a bit of trouble though. Generally she could flip through the different memories as quickly as thought permitted, but her mind kept freezing every time the image of Death would surface. It was frustrating. She wondered, with dismayed suspicion if it was the incongruity of the image, or her own mind freezing it subconsciously.

It was kind of hard not to pause in thought for Death, though.

She sighed and brought the image back to her minds eye and examined it for a few minutes.

There was a quiet knock on the door and the image of gold stalks and Death broke up. Elizabeth blinked and looked towards the sound.

"Yes?"

Nanny opened the door, smiling. She really did have quite an impressive smile; it spoke of her character…at least in the ways that she wanted it to. In addition to it she had the sort of face that was made for grinning in an evocative manner. Elizabeth realized that she was beginning to actually like the woman, despite this.

"Dinner's almost ready, thought you'd like to know. Also, Esme and Agnes are coming over. Your granddaughter didn't happen to mention anything useful did she?"

"My granddaughter?" Elizabeth questioned with some embarrassment.

"By marriage aint she?"

"I don't think either of us see it that way." Elizabeth said with some certainty. "And no, she didn't."

"Your husband ever going to check on you himself?"

"Possibly…" As she said this she happened to look down and noticed, humorlessly, that she had begun to sketch him. She very carefully turned the page over to a blank one.

"He likely to send notice first? Mail's a bit slow here, sometimes it's days before people get it…I admit it's mostly out of laziness…course when I say people I don't mean me. My son gets mine every day." She said with the air of someone who knows that they don't ever have to lift a finger when it comes to menial tasks.

"He tends to just show up…" Elizabeth said with a sigh.

"Ah." Nanny Ogg said.

The woman then broke away from the door and approached Elizabeth with a worrying look of motherly concern on her face. She had never had anyone to really talk to when she was growing up. Her mother hadn't been good with heart to hearts and her father, although very loving, had still been a man, and had therefore, not been qualified in the ways of a maturing young woman. And they had both died before she'd gone through the really tough years, so she had never had any of those vital conversations that a growing girl generally had. She was sometimes very sorry about this, but at the same time, she didn't really have any desire to have them now that she was nearing thirty, either.

"I been meaning to ask you some questions about your marriage."

"Oh?" Elizabeth squirmed with some embarrassment. The woman seemed to think a moment.

"Is he a wealthy man?" She asked finally. Elizabeth raised her brow, while wondering, cynically, where this was likely to go.

"I suppose." She said hesitantly. Technically he was, although she couldn't imagine how it could possibly aid him in any way.

"Hmm…In a dangerous business is he?" Elizabeth frowned as she thought about this.

"Not…really. Unfortunate, I suppose, but not dangerous. Not for him in any case."

"Ah." Nanny Ogg nodded. Elizabeth wondered what she was thinking. Whatever it was it was probably wrong…definitely probably wrong.

"'S he a good husband?"

Elizabeth frowned. She had bee asking herself the same question lately.

"Not particularly…" She said. "But I suppose, in the circumstances, that is not much of a surprise…and I've only been married to him for a short time."

"That's a shame." Nanny sat down on the bed beside her. "So he's old enough to have a granddaughter as old as you…hmm?"

"Er…yes…"

"Any problems with…you know?" Nanny nudged her.

"What?" Elizabeth asked.

"Well, sometimes when a man gets old he has a hard time…"

"Oh god…" Elizabeth said while burying her face in her hand when she realized that Nanny Ogg's thoughts had returned to where they felt most comfortable. The woman smiled. It appeared as if she had only one or two teeth. It was perfect for the effect.

"I've seen it all, Liz. If you need something to sort of, you know, help things along, I know an amazing number of recipes that'll light the fire, so to speak."

"Recipes?" Elizabeth could feel her face turning red, but her horror was slightly abated by the curiosity of what cooking had to do with anything.

"Oh yes, all sorts of things. Got a whole book of recipes, fer example, got this recipe for sauce that'd make any man sweat, if you know what I mean."

"No, and I would beg you not to go into detail." She said, her voice muffled by her palms. Nanny Ogg clapped her on the back, showing surprising strength for a woman of her age.

"Now dear, there's no need to be embarrassed. I've talked to plenty of girls who're much younger then you and don't know the first thing about sex, and older women too, course they know what it is, its just that they haven't had it in a while. Well…cept for this one time when…"

"I'm…not that interested in hearing about this." Elizabeth interrupted her through her hands. Nanny stopped and examined her critically.

"You do know about it don't you? Two months may not be very long, but it's long enough, aint it? Even if you didn't…er…walk out with young men before you got hitched."

"I'd REALLY like to talk about something else." Elizabeth said.

"Oh dear…and you must be at least twenty five, twenty six…"

"Twenty nine." Nanny Ogg made a tsk tsk tsk sort of noise while shaking her head. "Is it him or you?"

"I really don't think that's any of your business…and besides the situation is a bit difficult to explain." Elizabeth said, while trying desperately to shut off her imagination.

"I've heard it all, believe me. Been through most of it." She added proudly.

"I highly doubt it."

"Try me." Elizabeth sighed.

"First of all…" She said after a moment. "…he's very busy. Always…you could say he is his job."

"Oh…one of them, huh? Takes his work too seriously. Doesn't have much of a life otherwise." Elizabeth's face darkened slightly with the sense of humor probably reserved for people who had a very grim outlook on life.

"I should say that the answer to that is a definite yes."

"That's a shame…bad case is it?"

"Mrs. Ogg…he really IS his job." Elizabeth said, she had moved her hands and was trying to keep from looking at the woman so that the blushing wouldn't start again.

"And that bother's you?" Elizabeth frowned.

"Well…I…it…it's a very important job." She said a little awkwardly. It did bother her. She had already figured that out. Why exactly? She wasn't one hundred percent clear on why yet.

"But you're important too, right?"

"I'm…he's…not as important…I mean…he probably doesn't…" She saw the horrible look of sympathy on Nanny Ogg's face and decided not to try and finish the sentence. She rallied against the sudden flow of understanding. "Look…it isn't as if I didn't know what I was getting myself into." She said defensively. And she had! Or at least she had thought she did…but she hadn't counted on all of this.

"Of course." Nanny Ogg said as she patted her hand in an infuriatingly kind way.

"And besides, if he ever did show any willing, honestly, I think I would be rather frightened." And that's when it all went strange.

Elizabeth looked up and after a moment, raised her eyebrow; the woman's smile seemed glued on her face. Elizabeth cleared her throat and then, slowly waived a hand in front of the woman's eyes.

HELLO ELIZABETH.

XXX

Jerimoth had been watching the house from a short distance since about noon. He'd kept out of sight in the small forest behind it when he saw the witches approaching and then had continued to watch while keeping himself concealed as best as he could, adjusting his eyes so that he could see as well as he liked. Beside him, Mr. Sunshine was twitching nervously.

"We are confused…what is it you want us to do again?"

"I want you to watch those old crones until I lead that girl far enough away from them, also, when your following keep your eyes open for a damn black bird…and tell me if you see it."

Jerimoth turned to look at Mr. Sunshine only to find him looking elsewhere.

"What's the matter with you?"

"It is the auditors…I mean…it is us…one of us…"

Jerimoth followed his gaze to a grey shape, suspended a few feet away from him.

Good evening, human. It said. At least he assumed it did, because he had a memory of the words.

"What are you then?" He asked as he turned away again and focused on Nanny Ogg's house

We are the auditors. We are the ones who hired you. It said.

"Oh…" He responded, then, he turned towards Mr. Sunshine, much to the auditor's annoyance.

"How does Death enter a room?"

"He walks through walls. What is it, exactly that you are planning…we must know."

"You musn't know nothing. You wanted me to hurry things along."

You seem to be formulating a plan. The floating auditor said. We can be of assistance in some small areas, although, for the most part, we shall not get involved. We want o make this absolutely clear.

"Yeah, great. How does he talk?"

"This is not something I can describe." Sunshine said. "What if this plan of yours doesn't work?"

"Then we do things my way and wait for the perfect moment rather then tryin to make one." Jerimoth said. "What do you mean you can't describe it?"

Excuse me. The auditor beside him said, sounding irritated…or rather, it didn't…but there was the suggestion of irritation, hanging in the air.

"What?" Jerimoth asked, annoyed.

The voice of Death is not a voice. The auditor said, clearly pleased at gaining the man's attention.

"You've been very helpful." Jerimoth said sarcastically before turning back to Mr. Sunshine, who had been hoping that the auditor hadn't caught his use of the singular pronoun I. "You watch those old witches through the window." Jerimoth pulled the large black cloak around him and then pulled the hood over his face.

We meant, the Auditor continued despite the fact that it had learly lost it's audience, that he has no voice, and therefore, it cannot be imitated.

"Well then it's a damn good thing it's dark, because I aint going to be able to go through the wall either." The zombie said.

We may be able to come up with something passable…at least to the human's ears.

"Are you telling me you can sound like Death?"

We are not saying anything to the extent of…

"Save the bullshit. Can you sound enough like Death, so that you can say her name while she is half asleep, without her knowing that you are in fact, not him at all?" Jerimoth asked, feeling as if, for the first time in at least a hundred years, he were actually losing his patience.

We believe so.

"Good. Wait for my word."

What word is this then?

"What? It doesn't matter!"

But clearly we cannot wait for a specific word if we do not know what the word is.

"Look, just wait till I tell you to move…" Jerimoth said, while pulling a pair of gloves out of his pocket and placing them over his hands.

XXX

Elizabeth took some satisfaction in the fact that she barely jumped at all this time. She sighed and turned towards him, noting, with the logical side of her mind, that this was a terrible time for him to show up. She was feeling very stressed and embarrassed, and therefore angry…and Nanny Ogg had reminded her why she had been mad at him in the first place.

FOR WHAT REASON IS YOUR FACE SO RED? He asked, momentarily sidetracked.

"It's nothing…what do you want?" She asked, while turning away from him a little.

I WANTED TO SEE IF YOU NOTICED ANYTHING STRANGE, AS OF LATE.

Elizabeth suddenly was hit with a certainty that she was about to be unpleasant and she wouldn't be able to do anything about it.

"Yes, actually. As a matter of fact…let's see…where to start?" She said, hearing the sarcastic tones in her own voice. "Two months ago I married Death, and then, only a few weeks ago I was moved out here, with a couple of witches, who are protecting me, although they don't know from what…and neither do I, because you wont tell me and there's this damn bird following me around with a rat skeleton and now you're standing here asking me if anything strange is going on!" Her voice rose as she stood and advanced on him.

ER…YOU SEEM A BIT UPSET…

"Well done." She said sardonically as she stopped in front of him.

I WAS MERELY WONDERING IF THERE WAS ANYTHING ELSE? He asked a little nervously.

"Why?" Elizabeth asked suspiciously. "What's wrong?"

NOTHING VERY IMPORTANT. ER, IF THINGS ARE GOING ALL RIGHT THEN I SHALL BE.." Elizabeth surprised him by grabbing at his arm…or at least she tried. She nearly lost her balance when her hand slipped through it as if it were made of smoke. Death steadied her quickly and with some embarrassment.

I APPOLOGIZE. I DID NOT THINK IT WAS NECESSARY TO MAKE MYSELF SOLID.

"Look, I'm tired of this." She said with a sigh as she tried to silent her now raving mind. She took her arm from his chilly grip. "I can't just sit around and wait for something bad to happen, even if that is what people generally do. Normal people aren't married to Death."

IT IS AGAINST THE RULES TO INVOLVE YOU. Death said.

"How the hell am I not already involved? I'm the one in danger. You aren't…you don't have anything to be worried about!"

THAT IS NOT NECESSARILY TRUE, BUT REGARDLESS, BECAUSE YOU ARE HUMAN I MUST TAKE PRECAUTIONS.

Elizabeth growled with frustration, as her mind heated up, there was still a tiny part of her trying to be logical, but she had long since decided to ignore it.

"Well I'm certainly glad your taking precautions! I'm sure the whole universe benefits from the fact that your taking precautions! Thank you so very much! How do you expect these women to protect me if none of us know what's going on, exactly?"

THEY ARE VERY PERCEPTIVE.

"Oh good. Perhaps they'll be perceptive enough to know what it was that killed me then. Why can't you at least tell them…leave one of your damn notes with the serifs?"

THEY ARE ALSO MORTAL, AND BECAUSE OF THIS, THEY SHOULD NOT GET INVOLVED WITH THE AFFAIRS OF THE UNIVERSE, EITHER.

Elizabeth froze, her anger replaced by a chilly sort of feeling, like autumn wind.

"What did you just say?" Her mind raced back to an evening several nights before…those things that had visited her…

She didn't wait for an answer. "They said the same thing…almost exactly." She continued, her eyes glazing a little.

PARDON?

"You must leave." She said. Death was growing more and more uneasy by her sudden change in attitude.

I MUST? He asked, confused.

"Yes, I think so, right away."

WHAT IS WRONG? He sounded anxious, but she didn't care. Her eyes fell on his skeletal finger, where her father's ring glittered unnaturally. On any other finger it would just look like cheap silver, but on his it glowed almost eerily. She needed to be alone…he had to go.

"Everything…everything's wrong. Absolutely everything. You have no idea what it means to be married. Your one of the most intelligent beings in the universe but you don't have a clue about being a husband." She shivered briefly as she thought of those things, those gray bodiless robes. So lifeless. So inhuman. "You know what, give me my father's ring." She said, while holding out her hand shakily.

ELIZABETH…

"I don't think I should have to repeat myself." Death hesitated, watching her with mounting dismay. She just stared at him in that strange, cold way.

After a moment he took the silver ring off of his skeletal finger slowly and set it carefully in her upturned palm. He seemed to be momentarily at a loss for words.

"Now go away." She said after a while. He stepped towards her as if he meant to say something else, but seemed to hesitate. Then, slowly, he turned and headed towards the wall. Elizabeth turned towards the bed, but paused when she heard the faint sound of someone walking into a solid object.

Death's eyes flickered briefly as he stared at the wall with a puzzled expression. He met Elizabeth's slightly staggered look and then gradually made a second attempt, this time succeeding.

She stared after him. After a moment she felt time flow back into the room. Nanny Ogg blinked and looked around confusedly. Her eyes fell on Elizabeth.

"How'd you get over there?" Elizabeth turned towards her slowly, the ring held tightly in her hand.

"You alright?" She asked, rising slightly. The girl looked a little pale.

"No…no…I'm not feeling very well." She said quietly. "I think I'm going to turn in early."

"You sure? Haven't had much to eat today, and your already skinny as pole."

"Yes…I think so."

"Well all right. We'll be out here if you change your mind." She cast Elizabeth a hesitant look before leaving the room.

When she was gone Elizabeth went to her suitcase and went through it until she found an old nightshirt. It was much to small, falling only halfway to her knees, and was quite faded. Afterwards she blew out all of the candles in the room and collapsed on the bed.

Elizabeth held the ring up so that the moonlight outside the window shined off of it. It still had a surreal look about it; she had a feeling that by being worn by Death, it had somehow acquired an incongruity that it would never lose.

After a moment she became startlingly aware of the fact that a few fresh tears were running down her face. She wiped at them absently with the back of her hand and pulled the covers over her tightly, while holding the ring to her chest.

XXX

Death stood in place for a moment, wondering if he should return to the room or if, by doing so, he would be making another mistake to add to all of the mistakes he had apparently already made. Unfortunately, she had been right. He didn't know anything about being married. He did not know what taking his ring away meant.

He wondered, with some horror, if it meant that they were no longer married. But then, what sort of thing was marriage if only a tiny piece of cheap metal held it together?

He looked around at the yard as night began to fall, with some bewilderment. Beneath his robe he heard the sand of Elizabeth's hourglass falling, while emitting an unnervingly familiar hissing sound. The book was still silent.

Damn, the heartbreak was coming back. It wasn't as if he even had a heart!

Death started to snap his fingers and then thought better of it. Finally, he sighed and headed towards town where no one would recognize him, because they never did, in search of a bar, because as far as he knew, the way human's generally dealt with these things was by getting really drunk.

XXX

Loverdoll: Nah, it's easier with more characters actually. I think we shall definitely have some fluff in the next chapter, which I think…will be a lot of fun…

Big Cat: Yeah I've worked this whole relationship thing out, but I may not be presenting it well…dunno…we'll see how things go. Glad you liked the chapter.

MJ Mod: ) Nah, she wasn't supposed to marry the idiot…that's the only bit of fact I can tell you for sure based on your assumptions ; )

Tardis: Intrigued is good. .


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter Nine:

_I'll take no gold miss, I'll take no silver_

_I'll take those sweet lips, and thou wilt deliver_

"The Island" The Decemberists

* * *

"Boy, this humidity is killing me." Quoth said, as he hopped onto the lower branch of a tree outside Nanny Ogg's cottage.

SQUEAK

"Don't like rain neither. I suppose we'll be up 'ere anyway though, even if it is raining."

SQUEAK.

"Look, she's fine, sleeping. There's been signs of rain all day…I can feel it…we can sense those things, right?"

SQUEAK SQUEAK!!

"Oh, please yourself. If it starts pouring I'm taking cover."

At that moment the branch collapsed on account of the man that was thrown into the tree. Quoth was able to hop onto another higher branch and the Death of Rats leapt onto the newcomer's shoulder as he struggled to keep himself up in the arms of the twigs.

The man started to flail his arms at the bird, in what; the Death of Rats felt was an unwise manner. This ended abruptly when he fell out of the tree.

The Death of Rats rolled off of the man's shoulder and landed at the tip of another man's boot. Meanwhile, Quoth landed a couple feet away, and swiveled one of his eyes to focus on the fallen man who struggled to sort himself out.

The skeletal rat looked up into the dark hood of the man standing over him. Jerimoth eyed him briefly with interest before bringing his boot down hard on him. He stepped over the fallen auditor who then got to his knees and made another grab for Quoth who was able to hop a few feet out of the man's reach.

"I'll jus' leave you to this then." Jerimoth said as the auditor made desperate grabs at the bird, which was watching him strangely and with some irritation. Jerimoth headed towards the house with his cloak billowing out around him. "Just remember, the witches are more important."

After the man was gone, the scattered bones of the Death of Rats began to slowly reassemble until the rat was whole again. He then, headed forward furiously approaching the back of the auditor and bit him hard on his ankle. Mr. Sunshine shouted as the rat jumped across his back and landed near Quoth who allowed him to mount him.

SQUEAK! The Death of Rats said angrily. NO ONE stepped on him. It was time to find Death.

"Right!" Quoth said, while glaring at the stricken man. With a flutter of black wings, they both vanished.

XXX

What is it you wish us to do, human? The Auditor asked as Jerimoth crept up to the girl's window and began fumbling through his pocket until he found an old and badly rusted and horribly blunt pocketknife.

"Just call her name…in as close as his voice as you can. I 'ave to lure her away before I try anything."

He stuck the knife into the tiny opening and brought it up slowly until it caught the lock. There was a click as the lock came undone.

"Ready?"

_RISE BRIEF MORTAL, TO face YOUR Reckoning. _Jerimoth sighed.

"Well done." He said dryly. "I'm going to push in the window…and you can try again."

XXX

_ELIZABeth. _

Elizabeth opened her eyes and her vision filled with darkness. Slowly, she sat up and looked around. The window was open. She was almost positive it had not been before. There was a soft metallic sound, made louder by the silence of the rest of the room, as something hit the floor. Elizabeth jumped, and watched as Death's ring rolled across the room and then fell over with a soft 'thunk' as it hit the wall.

She got out of bed and went to the place where it fell to pick it up, eyeing the window suspiciously as she did.

She straightened and crept over to the window with the ring in her hand. Outside, a dark hooded shape broke away from the shadows of nearby trees and headed, slowly into the forest.

_FOLlow, HUMAN_.

Elizabeth's first instinct was to shut the window, lock it and return to bed. She looked down at the ring, which was still glittering, as if it were being hit directly by moonlight.

_It sounded a bit like him…_She thought as she looked out into the night. There was distant thunder and the humidity really was awful. Soon, it would start pouring. _But there was something strange about the voice…perhaps he was upset? _

Elizabeth stood hesitantly at that spot for a moment, debating at whether or not she wanted to follow or to stay put. Finally, after shoving the ring in the pocket of her robe she pulled on a pair of old boots and crawled through open window, setting her feet on the ground on the other side.

Elizabeth sighed.

_I have a bad feeling about this…but I don't think I can stay in that room all night at this point, and I doubt I'll be able to get back to sleep. _

She stepped quietly into the forest, holding her robe against her as she did, more out of nerves then anything; already the material was beginning to stick to her because of the moisture in the air.

The forest was oddly quiet, and she began feeling a few cold drops on her skin. Then there was a soft sound as a light rain began to fall around her. The forest acted as a canopy, keeping out the rain.

She'd gotten almost a half a mile away from the house and was beginning to grow uneasy, then, a further twenty feet brought her to the edge of the land. She actually stepped half off. A few stones, loosened by her boots fell into the darkness. Elizabeth stepped backwards quickly and looked over the edge into Lancre Gorge. It descended into nothingness and made her own canyon look like a mere hole by comparison.

A twig snapped behind her. Elizabeth spun around as a tall robed figure stepped out from behind a tree. A scent hit her, a damp decaying smell, like dead things in old caves.

_Oh damn. _She thought as she set her hand on a nearby branch and curled her fingers around it.

XXX

"Just a bit more tea here Agnes." Nanny said, while offering her cup to the younger girl. Granny Weatherwax was sitting back, her eyes fixed on nothing in particular. "The only thing odd that's come up so far is the fellow that showed up earlier today."

"What fellow?" Agnes asked as tipped the kettle over Nanny's mug.

"He was talking to her while I was seeing to Tailor's girl. Seemed a bit suspicious. Smelled awful too…smelled like death."

"Did you hear something a minute ago?" Granny Weatherwax said with her lips pursed.

Nanny Ogg looked up at her.

"Nope, what did it hear like."

"Don't know. Why don't you check on Mrs. Door."

"I thought she was sleeping." Agnes said as she took her seat again. Nanny Ogg, who was now wearing a thoughtful expression, stood and headed towards the guest room. Granny Weatherwax took a sip from her tea. As she did she stared overtop her cup, and counted backwards in her head. She wasn't disappointed, Nanny returned hurriedly, with a troubled expression on her face.

"She's gone!" She said. "Window's open, I think she snuck out!" Granny rose from her seat and grabbed her broom, which was leaning against the wall.

"What're you going to do?" Nanny asked as she followed Esme out of the cottage.

"What do you think I'm going to do?" Granny asked, with some annoyance.

"I'll get my broom."

"No, you stay here, it may be nothing." She said as she walked around the house. "Probably is, but you never know." Granny stopped at the back of the cottage and examined the open window. Nanny joined her.

"There's boot tracks leading into the forest, Esme!"

"I can see that, Gytha." Granny said heavily. "I'll be back." She said as she plunged into the forest.

XXX

The figure approached her. Elizabeth's fingers tightened on the branch.

"What do you want?" She asked. She had had a long and wretched day and was in a strange sort of mood. She knew she should be frightened and cautious, but instead, she felt angry. Whoever this was, they had caught her at a bad time.

"Me? Nothing. Ever." The gruff voice answered as he stepped nearer to her. "You know, I din't think this plan would work. You barely thought at all though…kind of reckless wondering off, nearly stepped right off of the cliff too."

Elizabeth wrenched the heavy branch from the tree. It came loose with a crack and was held in front of her to keep him from coming any nearer. Beneath the huge hood, he smiled.

"What do you think you're going to do with that, eh?" He said, and then in a quick motion he grabbed at the branch and crushed it in his large leathery fingers as he pulled it from her hands, scraping them badly as he did. In the same, worrying speed he grabbed a hold of her wrist and pulled her forward. His hand was vice like, she could practically feel her bones crunching beneath his fingers.

She tried to pull away without any luck, and then brought her fist up to hit him in the jaw. He caught it and squeezed. Elizabeth made a hissing sound between her teeth and tried to fight the urge to go down to her knees.

"Careful, Mrs. Death. You might fall, and we wouldn't want that. 's a long way down." He said, all in a worrying monotone voice.

"Who the hell are you?" She asked in slightly strained tones.

"A hired man. Do you mind if I call you Elizabeth?"

"Yes!"

His smile faded a little, but not in a way which implied that he had been offended. For a moment he almost seemed thoughtful.

"Do you know what I haven't done in a really long time Elizabeth?"

"Brushed your teeth?" Elizabeth said, as a certain revolted dread washed over her. Up this close, the stink of him was awful. The rotted meat smell outweighed the dank cave smell by far.

"Ahaha. No…well yes, but that was not what I was thinking of." He leaned forward and kissed her hard on the mouth. Elizabeth nearly gagged as her breath was replaced with the stink of his. She brought her knee up as hard as she could. His hand moved from her wrist to beneath her knee, to stop it. He then slid it to her ankle; her skin crawled as she felt his cold leathery hand move across her flesh. Then he twisted. Elizabeth fell to the ground, fresh pain rising up her leg. It wasn't pleasant, but part of her was just glad to be breathing fresh air. She spat emphatically.

"Well damn, you're helpless, in pain…and that's a very short nightshirt you're wearing. It's times like these I wish I could still get excited. Oh well. I guess…" He paused. There was a very fast whooshing noise. Jerimoth looked up confusedly as something darted out of the dark and hit him square in the chest. He was picked off of his feet and thrown heavily into a tree, which cracked because of the impact. Half of it broke off and landed on top of him heavily. Elizabeth struggled to her feet.

Someone grabbed her wrist, which still stung a little.

"Come on." Came the voice of Granny Weatherwax as she pulled her in the direction of town. Elizabeth tried to follow her at the speed the woman was going, cringing and limping as she did. Beneath them twigs crunched, and from behind was the sound of Jerimoth trying to pick himself up.

"What was that thing?" Elizabeth asked as Granny hurried through the forest.

"My broom. Takes forever to get it started, but when it does I can get it running pretty fast." the woman said, somewhat out of breath.

"Are you going to leave it?"

"It'll be all right, I just saw it curve around." Elizabeth heard a crashing sound and then something whizzed by really fast, apparently causing wreckage in its wake as the crashing sound of trees came from ahead.

Finally they reached the edge of the forest, after what felt like a long time to Elizabeth because of her ankle and hurried into the clearing. Nanny Ogg, who had been standing outside her house walked forward.

"Good to see your all right." She said. "Is she all right?"

"Twisted ankle. Did you see my broom go by here?"

"Yeah…" Nanny said, as a slightly perturbed look crossed her façade.

"Oh, where is it then?"

"Sticking out of the wall in my kitchen."

XXX

In Nanny Ogg's kitchen, Granny Weatherwax was examining Elizabeth's leg. After a moment, her hand tightened around the girl's ankle and she made a quick twisting motion. Elizabeth bit her lip as fresh pain rose in that spot.

"That should do it. I'd walk with a stick for a few days though." She said as she straightened.

"All right, time to discuss things." Granny said in serious tones as she sat down. "Who was that man my broom hit in the forest?"

"He said he was a hired man…his name's…Jerimoth I think." Elizabeth said as she rubbed at her wrists. His fingers had left ugly red marks on them.

"Hired man? By who?"

"I don't know." Elizabeth said with a sigh. "He didn't say. I think he's dead though…if that helps."

"You killed him?" Nanny asked from her spot across the table.

"No…" Elizabeth said. "I think he was already dead." This took a moment to sink in.

"Oh…" Nanny said when it did.

"So, he's undead then." Granny said gravely.

"Oh good." Agnes said, who had been hovering nearby. "Just what we need."

"Same man from earlier today?" Nanny asked. Elizabeth nodded. "Thought there was something suspicious about him. Would account for the smell too."

There was a knock on the front door. Nanny rose and went to answer it.

"Hey mum." Jason said as he walked into the house. "Wife said you were callin a minute ago."

"Yup, got a hole in my wall, wanted you to take a look. Thought I'd have to send someone down to get you…figured you'd be out with your friends drinking."

"Yeah, well, Carter just came back from the bar and said there's some fellow who's already drunk up half of the bartender's stock. He said we'd be better off meeting at someone's house." Nanny Ogg raised her eyebrows.

"Well, I can't imagine you'd have to wait long if he's already drunk that much…"

"Well, that's what Weaver said…but Carter said that he just keeps putting them away…besides, he said there was something really strange about him…A lot of other people left the bar too...said he was makin em uncomfortable, although, it was kind of funny, when I asked him how...he couldn' really describe him." Jason said as he headed into the kitchen and then smiled awkwardly at the other three girls.

"Oh? Been a lot of strange people in Lancre lately."

"Do you think we could come here? Er, we'll stay out of your guys's way o' course. I told the guys you probably had Scumble."

"Well, I don't know…um…" She looked to Granny and Elizabeth.

Granny Weatherwax sniffed. She didn't really approve of alcohol.

"I hardly think now is the time for this." Granny said. She eyed Eizabeth briefly, who was staring straight ahead with a preoccupied look on her face.

"Couldn't possibly be…" Elizabeth mumbled from beside her. Although...in the circumstances...it wouldn't have surprised her too much...nothing really could anymore.

"Well, then, I suppose…" Nanny was interrupted.

"Did your friend say what was so odd about this man?" Elizabeth's asked suddenly, as her gaze fell onto Jason and Mrs Ogg.

"Nah…well, he said he couldn't really make him out…Kinda strange…bar's pretty well lit, also he said he had a really strange voice."

"Oh god." Elizabeth said bitterly and rose. "I have to go to the bar."

"Could do with a drink myself." Nanny said. She got a nasty look from Granny, who also stood. "You'd better sit back down, get off that leg." Nanny went on.

"Jason Ogg, did you not break your leg a couple years ago?" Granny said, as she watched Elizabeth's distressed expression.

"Yes, Mistress Weatherwax" Jason said politely. "Mishap with the stick and bucket dance."

"You still got that walking stick of yours?"

"I think so."

"Well go fetch it."

"What are you planning on doing?" Nanny asked as Jason hurried out of the house.

"We're goin down to the bar."

"Oh good." Nanny said happily. "It's been a hell of a night."

"Not you. You stay here and fix your hole!" Granny said. "Come on, Mrs. Door."

"Er…" Elizabeth said as they left the house. "You don't need to come…um…I'm sure I'll be all right on my own."

"If you think I'm leaving you alone after that thing with the window, then your wrong, miss."

The door to Jason Ogg's house closed behind him as he headed towards them.

"Here you are…might be a bit big." He said as he handed the walking stick to Elizabeth, who set it on the ground and tried to work out how to support herself with it.

"Right then, you go help your mother." Granny said as she set a hand on Elizabeth's back.

"Yes Mistress Weatherwax." He said as they headed towards the tavern.

XXX

It was nearing midnight and the tavern was silent, which was a bit odd. Elizabeth and Granny Weatherwax were standing outside. It was raining rather hard now and even though it wasn't a long walk, Elizabeth was soaked, she noted, vaguely that Mistress Weatherwax was merely slightly damp and wondered how she managed it. It probably had something to do with being a witch.

Elizabeth stood by the doorway nervously, a faint glow came from inside. She eyed the woman for a moment before sighing and entering.

The smell of alcohol hit Elizabeth as she walked into the warm and well-lit tavern. It had a more relaxed feeling to it then a bar might have in Ankh Morpork. Around this time in the city, people would be throwing things (like axes) and breaking furniture over other people's heads. A few men looked up from their drinks. She didn't wait for the older woman to enter, and rather, headed further into the room, which was actually rather small. She looked around briefly. It didn't take long to find what she was looking for.

She limped towards one side of the bar, deserted aside from one figure in black, hunched over his current drink. As she did, the stick made a soft tapping noise. She noted, briefly, how everyone else had gathered to the other side of the room away from him.

What conversation there had been, stopped when Granny Weatherwax entered the bar. The men who had been watching Elizabeth approach the bizarre stranger, looked towards the woman and then back down at their drinks. Many of them made a poor attempt to hid their faces, or, at least their alcohol.

Granny Weatherwax took a moment to examine the room. Some satisfaction entering her façade at the reaction her presence had created. When her eyes fell on Death, her expression changed very briefly and then was hidden again behind her ordinary fascia.

Elizabeth stopped behind Death. Her eyes moved across the counter. There were _hundreds_ of drinks there in all shapes and sizes. Finally, aware that he wasn't acknowledging her, she took a few unsteady steps towards the chair beside him and sat down, wincing slightly as she leaned the walking stick against the bar side.

The barman headed towards them as Elizabeth reached out and touched Death lightly on the arm.

"Miss," The bartender said, while looking at the dark patron nervously. "Do you know this man?" Death had raised his head and was looking at her.

"Yes, he's, er…he's my husband." She said.

"Oh, good." The bartender relaxed visibly. "Do you think you could get him out of here? He's upsetting my customers."

"I'll see what I can do." She said, with some annoyance. He nodded, and then headed to the other side of the bar because someone was trying to get his attention. (Although he was doing it inconspicuously because Granny Weatherwax was hovering nearby)

She returned her gaze to Death, who was looking at her inquiringly. In his skeletal hand a drink sat, half empty.

ELIZSH…ELIZABETH? He asked after a moment.

"Er…yes…" She said, a little nervously. "What are you doing here?"

SHEE…SEE…YOU TOLD ME I MUSHT LEAVE. TOOK MY RING AWAY. Elizabeth raised her brow.

"Why are you talking like that?" She asked, a horrible suspicion came over her.

"Are you drunk?" She asked, amazed, while removing her hand from his arm.

I SHERTAINLY HOPE SO. IT'S TAKEN FOREVER THIS TIME. CANT GET THE HANG OF IT SHEE...SEE. He said as he tried to lean his elbow on the counter and missed. Elizabeth set her hands against his ribcage to keep him from losing his balance. The bartender returned to their side.

"How are _you_ drunk?"

"That's a trick question is it miss?" He asked as he started to clean up the many glasses in front of Death. Elizabeth ignored him.

"Come on, we need to leave. Your worrying people." She happened to look up as Granny Weatherwax approached, eyeing her calmly.

Elizabeth stood awkwardly.

"Erm…"

"I aint saying nothing. What's a matter with him, then?"

"I think he's drunk." Granny Weatherwax raised her brow.

"How can he be drunk…aint he Death?"

"Yes um…" Elizabeth saw movement out of the corner of her eye. She turned back to Death quickly and caught him around his midsection as he slipped off of the back of the stool.

"Well," Granny said with a sigh. "I suppose we'd better get him out of here then."

XXX

Well, not much fluff…but I had to cut the chapter short because my brain was beginning to fry and I needed some time to think about what to do next. I've spent the last four hours trying to finish a paragraph…sigh. I hope it turned out all right.

Ne ways, after this I'm going to be focusing a lot more on Elizabeth and Death's relationship, which was the point of the story to start with. Besides, I'm not sure what to do with Jerimoth and the auditors next, so I need some time to figure it out. Until I do, it would be nice to have some fun.

VenG- Glad you like them : )

ClickToFree: Yes actually…after this chapter I intend to focus more on their relationship…which was the initial purpose of this story to begin with.

Novocain- Yeah…not sure if I did it okay or not. I re read the part in Soul Music to sort of get an idea on how to make him drunk but when it came down to it I couldn't figure out what to do really. Oh well, Maybe something'll come to me before the next chapter.

Okami Lupus- Thank you : ) I had the last one planned out a lot more then this one. Problem with writing loosely is, it can wind up getting away from you sometimes. A lot of my stories go through changes while I'm writing them and I wont know how a chapter will end until I've written it.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter Ten:

_Well I searched under rocks_

_For the bird who flew away._

_If I caught her,_

_I don't know what I would say._

_Cause love don't haunt the tavern_

_It's not drunk on the balcony._

_It don't spill out _

_At 2AM_

_Into the street_

"_Georgia Can You Hear Me?" Street To Nowhere_

With Granny Weatherwax's help, Elizabeth managed to get Death outside of the pub, to the obvious relief of those around them.

"What I don' get, is why he's so heavy." Esme complained as she let go of his legs rather unceremoniously. Elizabeth sighed as she dragged him to the bar wall and laid him up against it. She collapsed beside him, wincing slightly. "He's only bones after all."

"I don't know." Elizabeth said as she rubbed at her ankle. "I think I left the walking stick inside." She added.

"Easy mistake to make, what with Death collapsing on you and everything…tends to put most things out of your mind." Elizabeth raised her brow. "I'll go get it, you stay here and find out what to do with him. I can't be draggin 'im around all night." She said as she headed back into the building.

Above her something shifted and a giant clump of rain fell on Elizabeth. She groaned as it dripped down her neck, then after a moment of cursing silently she turned towards Death, trying to spare her ankle as she did and slapped him gently on the skull. It made a hollow thunking noise. His skull shifted slightly and he started to slip. She grabbed him quickly by the shoulders and pulled him back into an upright position.

"Come on! I know you can't possibly be passed out. Your Death!" She hissed. She could feel the bones of his shoulder through his cloak. The glow, usually in the depths of his eye sockets was not there.

Below the sound of the rain, which seemed to be picking up again Elizabeth heard a faint hissing sound from beneath his cloak. She frowned and after a moment she let go of his shoulder and started to reach into the recesses of his robe. She felt a cold hand close over her wrist. A faint glow returned to Death's sockets as he drew her hand away from his shroud.

THATSH OFF LIMITS. DON'TOUCH. He said while waving a skeletal finger in front of her eyes. It was odd. He didn't sound drunk, but rather, like someone who had seen other people drunk and thought they knew how it was supposed to go. She doubted he had that sort of imagination though.

"What is it then?" She asked as she looked towards the door of the pub as it opened and a man stumbled out and staggered down the street.

'S TIME…EVERYBODYS GOT TIME. GOTTAHAVETIME. Death said. NOT ENOUGH THOUGH. He added after a moment before the glow in his eyes faded again and he leaned, once more up against the wall of the bar.

The door to the pub opened and Granny Weatherwax re-emerged with the walking stick. Elizabeth pulled her wrist from his fingers and took the stick from the old witch as she offered it to her.

"Well?"

"I don't know how to call the horse…and he's er…well I don't know…I guess he really is drunk."

"No time to be steering a horse then, I imagine." Granny Weatherwax said with a straight enough face. "I don't suppose you can just leave him here?"

Elizabeth frowned and thought about this. Technically it would be all right. It was raining, but it wasn't as if he would get wet…and he certainly couldn't get sick or anything…and he could probably sober up easily enough when he really wanted to. Nothing could hurt him. But…no…humans didn't think like that.  
"I can't." She said, while shaking her head. Granny Weatherwax examined her for a moment before nodding.

"Well, I suppose you could take him back to Gytha's. But she aint gonna be happy about it. Can't imagine how anyone would be, as a matter of fact."

"I'm sure it won't be for long." Elizabeth said apologetically. "Just until he sobers up."

XXX

Jerimoth struggled to his feet, pushing a large piece of the tree aside as he did. It cracked slightly as it hit the ground. He grabbed his arm under his shoulder and pulled back sharply, there was an audible pop as the bone was reset.

As he took a few steps forward he ripped the back cloak from his back and threw it aside as he headed back towards town. Creatures in the forest fled as his he trudged through the underbrush.

He met Mr. Sunshine about half way. The man looked, as he had been of late, jittery and nervous…also he had a constant look of being on the verge of falling apart. Jerimoth wondered vaguely how much longer it would be before he did, surely he couldn't survive much longer in this manner.

"What happened? Why is not she dead!?" Mr. Sunshine asked as he stumbled into the clearing.

"Got away. It don't matter. I didn't figure it'd work anyways. Now we'll do it my way. We'll wait patiently."

"You fool! You could have had her then! If you had not messed about…" He cut off there, however when Jerimoth grabbed him by his slender throat. The expression on the zombie's face was one of terrible peace as he lifted the auditor off his feet by his neck.

"I don't have to think twice about killing people, Mr. Sunshine. The right moment will come. That wasn't it."

"Please…please don't kill me." Sunshine said. He didn't think about it as he did it…he just knew he didn't want to die.

"All right." Jerimoth mumbled as he lowered the auditor to the ground. "Because you said please." He walked past the trembling man, who sagged to the ground massaging his neck as he did. He stood after a moment and followed hurriedly after the zombie.

For a little while they walked in silence. Then, Mr. Sunshine cleared his throat.

"Um…you uh…you have something sticking out of your back." The auditor said, and was forced to stop when Jerimoth halted. He reached behind him until his long fingers closed around a branch he had been wedged onto when he ran into the tree.

"Damn." He said as he pulled it loose and threw it aside. He felt the now gaping hole in his back. "Bloody bloody damn…I've worn this shirt for almost sixty years and now I have to buy a new one." He said, all in his monotone voice. "The skin don't heal no more either. Going to have to go the rest of my afterlife with a fucking hole in my back." He started walking again.

XXX

"Almost covered up, mum. Course we'll need a bit more stone and some stuff to stick it all together…but I should be able to finish it tomorrow." Jason said as he set a few stones into the wall and examined it.

"Good, while you're at it, go fix the other one too." Nanny said as she sat down and pulled a bottle with a clear liquid inside towards her.

"You've got another one?" Jason asked, while straightening.

"Yup, right over there." She said, while motioning towards the opposite wall with her thumb. "Your gonna have to pull Esme's broom out first though."

Jason stood, ruffling Pewsey's hair as he walked by, who was crawling on the floor after Greebo, much to the cat's annoyance. Every time he got near enough to Greebo he'd grab his tail and pull and then laugh as he ducked out of the way of the cat's claws.

"You be careful dear, he can get a bit upset about his tail. You don't want to be clawed to death, do you?" Nanny said cheerfully while taking a big drink of her liquor.

There was a restrained knock from the door. Nanny stood from the chair and headed towards it, while Jason inspected the broom wedged in the stone. He frowned and gripped it with both hands and pulled, nearly falling over as his hands slid off the handle. The broom didn't budge.

"Comin." Nanny said as the knock came again.

Nanny opened the door and the sound of rain filled the house. It was only open for a half a second before she tried to slam it shut again. Granny Weatherwax put her hand up against it in time and the door came to a sudden halt.

"Tell 'im we don't want any!" Nanny said as Granny pushed the door open forcefully. Nanny Ogg took a step back as Granny shed one of Death's arms from her shoulder and stepped past the stricken witch.

Nanny turned back towards the doorway and took in the scene again, this time in it's entirety. The gaunt robed figure was leaning on Elizabeth, with one skeletal arm over one of her shoulders. Elizabeth's left arm was wrapped around his waist; the walking stick was clutched in that hand. The other hand was holding onto his wrist.

"Er…could I come in?" Elizabeth asked as she shifted her grip on Death slightly.

"You do know who that is don't you?" Nanny asked, while staring at the dark hood with wide eyes.

"I'm afraid so. I really can't stand much longer on this leg, Mrs. Ogg. And I'm getting extremely wet."

"My grandkid's inside you know…with his father…" Nanny said while staring at Death accusingly.

"I promise I'll tell him he has to leave when he wakes up and can understand me properly." Elizabeth said with a sigh.

"And that'll work will it?" Nanny asked, fascinated.

"He aint here for business, Gytha. Move." Granny said from behind her. Reluctantly, Nanny Ogg stepped aside to allow them through. Elizabeth limped forward awkwardly. It was hard to support someone who was much taller then her.

"I'll just, um…take him to the guest room." She said with some embarrassment as she turned away from the witches awed face.

XXX

Ten minutes later Nanny was sitting in the kitchen, clutching at the arms of a comfy chair she had pulled up to the table, and taking straight drinks out of a bottle of clear liquid. Granny Weatherwax was sitting across from her and sipping at a cup of tea calmly. On one side of the room Jason was still pulling at the handle of Granny Weathewax's broom with little luck.

"I don' get it…she went down to the bar to get him, Why'd she do that for? And why'd she bring him here?" Nanny said. "I mean…beside a death bed's one thing Esme…but I don't want him in one of me own beds."

"Well where else was she supposed to take him?"

"No where. I'd have left him where he was!"

"Yeah…but he aint your husband." Granny said as she took another sip of tea.

"Well of course he…" Nanny paused before looking at Esme with horrified fascination. "Oh no Esme."

"Oh yes. Knew there was something funny about her. Hah!" She said triumphantly.

"I don't see how…" She paused and eyed Jason. Granny followed her gaze and then sighed.

"Why don't you and Pewsey run along, Jason Ogg." Granny said as she stood and approached the blacksmith who paused in his attempts at getting the broom loose.

"But this broom…" Granny grabbed it and wrenched it from the wall with one hand.

"You can finish up tomorrow." She said while patting him on the shoulder. Jason looked at the broom and then nodded slowly.

"Come on Pews…your ma probably has dinner on." He said as he picked up his son and headed towards the door. "Bye mum." He said over his shoulder.

As the door closed behind them, Nanny eyed Granny and she sat down again.

"How'd this happen Esme?"

"I don't know…why should I? I aint the sort to go meddling in these sorts of things." Agnes, who had been listening, had to resist the urge to snort.

"What I mean is…how does anyone wind up hitched to him…you don't suppose she's one of them…necro something or others do you?"

"Neck ro what? What's this got to do with her neck?" Granny asked.

"She means necrophilia…and that's only dead people, Nanny. I don't think Death himself counts." Agnes said. "Besides…she doesn't seem the…er…" She lowered her voice. "Erotic type."

"Oh…one of them things…I'm sure there's a perfectly logical explanation…or an illogical one that aint got anything to do with goings on." Granny said with a sniff.

XXX

Elizabeth laid Death onto the guest bed. She had to get him on a little at a time, starting with his upper body. Then she pulled his legs up and swiveled them around until he was lying vertically on the mattress.

After she saw to this she limped over to the window and shut it, muffling the sound of rain.

She had managed to get rather soaked and was now dripping all over the floor. She wiped at her face and started to take off the drenched robe when she heard a faint sound. There was a hint of movement behind her. Elizabeth turned as Death shifted and the faint glow of his eyes returned. He moved his skull slightly until he was looking at her.

"Are you sober yet?" She asked as she wiped her wet and now matted hair out of her face. She tried to sound cynical but she was too tired. It felt as if this night was dragging on forever.

A PART OF ME IS ALWAYS SOBER. He answered. Then, he seemed to think a moment and added; FOR ONCE, I WOULD LIKE TO BE ENTIRELY DRUNK.

"I suppose that's a yes then?" Elizabeth said, while approaching him. "What the hell were you doing there anyways?"

I SHOULD THINK THAT WAS OBVIOUS.

"Well…yes…that's not really what I meant. I mean…why were you trying to get drunk?"

ER…YOU…YOU TOOK MY RING. Elizabeth raised her brow and sat slowly on the bed, next to him.

"That's all?" She asked.

YOU SEEMED, VERY UPSET. Death continued. I THOUGHT, PERHAPS THIS MEANT THAT WE WERE…NOT…MARRIED ANY LONGER.

"But that's silly…" Elizabeth said, sensing his worry and feeling a slight twinge of pity. It was amazing how someone like him could be so naïve about certain things…although…when she really thought about it…that was probably one of his most charming qualities.

AH. YES…OF COURSE. He said as he raised himself up on his bony elbows. SILLY.

"And of course I was upset…you've been extremely difficult over the last few weeks."

I AM SORRY. I NEVER INTENDED TO UPSET YOU.

"Look, never mind. Give me your hand." She said as she reached into her robe pocket, cringing slightly as the wet fabric rubbed against her skin. She took his skeletal hand as he raised it slightly. He eyed her with some curiosity as she placed the ring once more over his finger. She let go of his bony hand and shed the drenched robe as Death eyed the ring with quiet contemplation.

ELIZABETH?

Elizabeth looked up at him as she rubbed at her arms.

"Yeah?" She shivered briefly and looked at the blankets longingly, while thinking of warm dry clothes and a good nights sleep.

WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR LEG?

"What? Oh…it's nothing…just a twisted ankle…or a sprain…I can't remember."

IT IS TURNING PURPLE. Elizabeth looked down at her leg and bit her lip. It had gotten worse in the last hour or so.

"So it is." She said while frowning. "A man did it earlier this evening…I think he was trying to kill me." She added with a yawn.

WHAT? He sat up all the way. She could sense his surprise.

"Oh, you didn't know that?" She asked, feigning shock. "Luckily Mistress Weatherwax is perceptive then." He seemed to almost deflate slightly.

AH…YOU ARE STILL UPSET. He said, his tones dejected.

"Of course I'm upset, someone tried to kill me." She said pointedly as she moved her leg very carefully out in front of her, so it was resting flat on the mattress.

WHAT DID HE LOOK LIKE? Death asked as he eyed her leg.

"Well…he was tall, very pale…actually I think he was dead. He stank too…horrible breath." She added with a shiver.

THIS IS NOT THE DESCRIPTION I WOULD EXPECT.

"He said his name was Jerimoth." She said.

HE TOLD YOU HIS NAME BEFORE HE TRIED TO KILL YOU?

"He told me his name yesterday…he walked up to me while Mrs. Ogg was doing witch stuff. What sort of description would you expect?"

SOMETHING…ODD.

"Odder then dead?"

YES.

"Oh…he's not the one that's after me then?"

NO…I MEAN…I IMAGINE HE IS ASSOCIATED WITH THEM…THEY WOULD BE VERY CAUTIOUS TO DO IT THEMSELVES.

"They?" Elizabeth asked, while looking up at him. She opened her mouth to ask him about the grey figures but was interrupted.

IS THAT NOT A RATHER SHORT NIGHT SHIRT? She frowned at the sudden turn of conversation and looked down. While pursing her lips slightly she pulled the shirt more over her legs and gave him a look of exasperation.

"I don't see how that has to do with anything." She said, while coloring slightly.

I WAS MERELY POINTING IT OUT. He said. ARE YOU COLD?

"Why?" She asked suspiciously.

YOU ARE SHIVERING. He said while the blue glow in his eyes blinked slightly with some puzzlement.

"Oh…yes…a little…It's all right though." For a moment he looked a bit nervous and then slowly he swung his leg over the side of the bed, took an edge of the blanket and pulled it hesitantly over her shoulders while opposite to her.

Elizabeth smiled a little as she pulled the blanket around her. She laid her hand on his as he was withdrawing it from her shoulder.

"Thank you." She said softly.

YOU ARE WELCOME. He responded. She felt his fingers tighten slightly and then he drew them away.

Then came the sort of awkward silence that Elizabeth had only ever heard described in books.

XXX


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter Eleven:

_I didn't die and I ain't complainin'. _

_I ain't blamin' you. _

_I didn't know that the words you said to me _

_meant more to me than they ever could you? _

_I didn't lie and I ain't sayin' _

_I told the whole truth. _

_I didn't know that this game we were playin' _

_even had a set of rules. _

"Black Cadillac's" Modest Mouse

There was a faint tapping sound on the window. Elizabeth and Death looked up as the silence was broken up. A large Raven was outside. As they watched he brought his beak to the window again, this time with more urgency.

"Come on, it's pouring out here!" Quoth said desperately. The Death of rats added a squeak for good measure.

I WILL. Death said as Elizabeth started to rise. He placed a skeletal hand briefly on her arm and stood, striding to the window as she sat back again. When he got there, however, he froze with some embarrassment.

ER…IT IS LOCKED…HOW DO I UNDO THIS? He asked while turning back to the bed.

"Just raise the latch." Elizabeth replied.

AH…YES…GOOD. He said as he turned to the window once more. AND THE LATCH IS THIS SMALL THING HERE?

Elizabeth leaned forward to see.

"Yes."

ALL RIGHT. There was a moment of fumbling as Elizabeth leaned back again and closed her eyes. I THINK IT IS UNDONE.

"Good." She said with a yawn. Outside the window, Quoth was waiting with mounting impatience. There was a pause as Death examined the window.

ERM…NOW WHAT? Quoth groaned from outside the window. The Death of Rats dismounted and made motions with his skeletal paws in an attempt to reference Death in the art of opening a window.

"Pull on the little knobs…the window'll come open." Elizabeth said.

ALL RIGHT. There was further scrabbling at the window. Elizabeth smiled with some amusement. Then, finally Death managed to open it. Quoth hopped in, shaking his slightly wet feathers with some annoyance.

"Well thank you." He said with some sarcasm.

The Death of rat's squeaked at Death excitedly as he hopped onto the bedside table. Elizabeth sat up and looked at the skeletal rodent and then up at Death questionably.

"Says some guy in a black cloak stepped on him." Quoth said while settling near Elizabeth. "You wouldn't happen to have some warm liver or some eyeballs or something on you, would you?"

"No." Elizabeth said, while raising her brow.

SQUEAK.

"Pity. Anyways, there were two of them outside this cottage a few hours ago. The one who stepped on him smelled like a corpse."

"That sounds like the man who tried to kill me." She said while casting a brief look at Death as he approached her again.

WHO WAS THE OTHER MAN? He asked as stopped by the bed

"Dunno… tried to make a grab for me. Seemed kind of twit, really."

WAS HE HUMAN?

SQUEAK. The Death of rats said while shaking his head.

"Didn't smell human. That is, he smelled like blood and fear and such…but it wasn't right."

SQUEAK SQUEAK.

AH. THANK YOU. YOU HAVE BEEN VERY HELPFUL.

The Death of Rats nodded.

"What was he if he wasn't human?" Elizabeth asked as she adjusted the pillow behind her and then lay against it. Death paused for a moment as her gaze fell on him. "Oh yes…that's right. You probably can't tell me." She said with a sigh and closed her eyes.

Death looked at the Death of Rats, who shrugged and then motioned towards Elizabeth with bony paws. He sighed and carefully sat once more on the bed. Elizabeth's eyes opened as the mattress shifted.

ER…THEY ARE…THE AUDITORS. She eyed him briefly.

"Auditors." She said after a moment, while pulling on the blanket so that she was covered up. "Well…I don't like them either…but saying they aren't human is going a bit far isn't it?" She said, while looking puzzled.

NOT THOSE. Death said, while watching the Death of Rats as he climbed onto the bed to examine the bed. THEY ARE…THE AUDITORS OF REALITY. SUPERNATURAL BEINGS. THEY ARE ABLE TO IMITATE HUMANITY, ALTHOUGH I HAD NOT THOUGHT THAT THEY WOULD RISK INCARNATION AGAIN. She raised her head.

"What is it they do, exactly?" She asked.

THEY AUDIT, NATURALLY. THEY MAKE SURE THE UNIVERSE RUNS PROPERLY.

"Are these the people who are after me?" Elizabeth asked suspiciously.

YES. Death said after a brief silence.

"What do they want with me?"

THEY WANT NOTHING WITH YOU. TO THEM, HUMANS ARE A MERE COMPLICATION. LIFE ITSELF A MISFORTUNE. YOU ARE AN INSIGNIFICANT NOTHING IN THE UNIVERSE.

"…Thank you." Elizabeth said sarcastically, while looking briefly at the door, where she could hear faint talking beyond…some of it almost loud enough so that she could make out the words. Someone sounded angry. The Death of Rats jumped over a wrinkle in the bed and then looked up at Death while shaking his head.

SQUEAK SQUEAK. The small skeletal rat grabbed Death's arm from beneath and pulled him slightly forward, dropping his hand so it landed on Elizabeth's leg. She turned back to him abruptly.

ER…SORRY. Death said as he removed his hand. HE HAS REMINDED ME TO TELL YOU THAT YOU ARE AN INSIGNIFICANT NOTHING IN THE UNIVERSE _TO THEM_. The Death of Rats made a motion with his paws encouraging Death to 'go on.' AH. I WOULD LIKE TO ADD THAT I DO NOT SHARE THIS OPPINION AT ALL.

"Ah…well…good." Elizabeth said with some embarrassment, while coloring slightly. "But if that's true then _why_ are they trying to kill me?" She continued.

I BELIEVE IT IS BECAUSE THEY WISH TO RETIRE ME.

"What? That doesn't make sense." Elizabeth said. "Besides…your Death…you can't retire, can you?"

YES…BUT THERE ARE RULES THAT I TOO MUST FOLLOW. IF I ACT IN AN IRRESPONIBLE MANNER, THEN THEY MAY EXPEL ME FROM MY POSITION… He paused briefly. IT HAS HAPPENED BEFORE.

"Really?" Elizabeth asked with terrible fascination. "What do they consider irresponsible?"

IF I DO NOT DO MY JOB, FOR EXAMPLE. Death said while leaning towards her slightly.

"Why wouldn't you?" She asked as she looked up at him.

WELL…I…ER. Elizabeth drew her eyebrows together with some incomprehension, while looking into the faint blue glow of his eye sockets.

There was a soft knock on the door.

"Yes?" Elizabeth asked after a moment, while turning in that direction and tearing herself away from his gaze.

"It's Agnes." Came a muffled voice from behind the door.

"Yes?" Elizabeth said again. Agnes opened the door a little and peered in, with the slightly frazzled look of someone who has been volunteered by someone else to do some unwanted task.

"Erm…I've brought you some tea…" She said as she took a few steps into the room as soon as she deemed it safe to do so and handed a cup to Elizabeth. As she did she eyed Death nervously. "Er…hello, sir."

GOOD EVENING, MISS NITT. Death replied.

"Um…Nanny would like to know how much longer your…er…guest is staying?" Agnes asked while turning back to Elizabeth.

"Oh…well…" Elizabeth looked at Death, who shrugged. "A bit longer."

"Ah…I'll be sure to tell her." Agnes said as she nodded one final time to Death and then exited the room.

"I told Mrs. Ogg I'd ask you to leave when you sobered up." Elizabeth said as she sniffed the tea. The scent, as well as the steam was pleasant. She took a sip and sighed as the warmth covered her from the inside.

"Would you like some?" She asked Death, who was watching her.

THAT IS ALL RIGHT… He said. WHAT KIND IS IT?

"Lemon."

PERHAPS JUST A SIP THEN. Elizabeth smiled and handed the cup to him. He handed it back a moment later, after taking a drink. At least, she assumed he did. There was less of it in the cup, in any case.

"Could you put it on the table please." Elizabeth said while pointing to the table beside him.

She laid back and pulled the covers all the way up again, shivering slightly because her hair was still wet and marveling about how good it felt to be in a warm bed sipping at hot tea after spending the evening in the rain with a sprained…now possibly broken leg.

Death shifted awkwardly.

I SUPPOSE I OUGHT TO BE GOING. He said, breaking up the silence. Elizabeth hadn't been aware that she was falling asleep until he spoke.

"Yes…I imagine so." She said quietly. He stood and watched her as she turned over in the bed, pulling the covers with her. He started towards the opposite wall and then paused.

ER…ELIZABETH?

"Hmm?" She sounded half asleep.

WOULD YOU MIND IF I STOPPED BY TOMORROW?"

"No…" She said, while trying to melt into the warmth of the matress. "Just not before it gets light out, okay?" She said with a yawn.

XXX

There was a faint knock on the door. After, Nanny Ogg didn't wait for an invitation into the room. The window was open and a faint and rather pleasant breeze was circling around the bedroom due to the rain the previous evening. The sky was still looking a bit overcast, but that would pass by afternoon and the sun would be out.

Elizabeth looked up from what she was doing. She was sitting up in the bed with her bad leg in front of her resting on a pillow. In front of her, on the blanket the deck of cards was scattered about, some upright, some face down.

"Whatcha playin?" Nanny Ogg asked as she stepped into the Guestroom.

"Patience." Elizabeth said as she turned over a card.

"Ah, never really got the hang of that one." She said as she walked across the floor.

"It is rather boring." Elizabeth said with a sigh.

"How's your leg?"

"Mistress Weatherwax said it isn't broken…still. So good, I suppose."

"Well that's nice." Nanny Ogg said as she sat down beside the bed. She was quiet for a moment, watching Elizabeth as she played patience. Finally she cleared her throat.

"I'm curious about a few things, dear."

"Oh?" Elizabeth smiled a little in a humorless way.

"You might say last night came as a bit of a shock."

"Ah…"

"Not a typical situation…even round here…and this is Lancre."

"Yes, I always wondered if the thing about the raining fish was true?"

"Oh, that's not all that impressive. Had a rain of curious squid last year. Up until then most people didn't even know what they were. Couple people collected them and tried to cook them. Tasted terrible." She shook her head. "Anyways…about this husband of yours…"

"You want to know why?"

"Well…among other things…but I guess we'd better start with why."

"It's a long story."

"I'd be suspicious if it weren't, dear. Why don't you just shorten it a bit."

"I had to get married to keep a hold of my land. I was engaged to a moron. Then HE asked and I said yes." She said as she gathered the cards.

"Perhaps you could make it a bit longer." Nanny conceded. "For instance…where'd you er…meet him?"

"Well…at the market, actually. I didn't know who he was then. Er, he offered me a job." She started setting the cards up for another game of patience.

"What sort of job?" Nanny asked, fascinated.

"Redecorating…um…anyway, I only took it because I needed the money. You see, when my dad passed away I got our land…but apparently there was some old law saying I couldn't have it unless I married…and I wound up engaged to this idiot who's father had some plot with this big tax collector in the town near my house. Anyways, I told _him_ about it…and I suppose he got it into his head to propose to me…"

"Hmm…Can't say I get it…You said yes because you wanted the land?"

"Partly…yes…it was about the land…but…to be perfectly honest he was the first…er…person to propose to me without having…you know…an ulterior motive." She looked embarrassed for a moment.

"Oh." Elizabeth frowned

"It sounds mad…I know…you don't have to tell me it sounds completely mad."

"I suppose it gets it out of the way then. What exactly do you get from this Elizabeth?"

"What do you mean?" She asked, while giving Nanny Ogg a curious look.

"Been married a few times meself, as I'm sure I've said. All good men. Some better at certain things then others…if you know what I mean…but...all you know…capable of getting the job done…and bein decent fathers…doin honest work…mostly honest in any case. So on and so forth. So what do you get from this? Because…I gotta say…after a while land aint gonna do the job."

"Yes...I realize that…look…it's hard to explain why…"

"Oh? I've met your husband quite a few times you know. As witches we sit up with the dead all the time. I seen a lot of people die. Young and old. Can't say I'm all that fond of your husband, to be honest. But then…for the most part…what human can say that? And he does do honest work…I suppose…but if I were you I wouldn't want to ask him about his day. I doubt you can have children…not in the normal way in any case…and you don't have any hope of remarrying because he certainly aint gonna die before you…"

"I have gone over all of this in my head, Mrs. Ogg."

"So your really okay with this, then?"

"I will be." She said.

"Ah…well…if you're sure." She stood. "Would you like some tea? Could get one of the daughter in laws to bring you some."

"That's all right." Nanny Ogg nodded and started to head out of the room.

"Mrs. Ogg."

"Hmm?"

"He really isn't that bad. He's rather likeable actually…when you get to know him."

"Most people wouldn't want to though."

"Yes…but…what I mean is…I _am_ fond of him."

"All right, dear." She sounded as if she didn't quite believe her. She stepped out of the room and closed the door behind her. Elizabeth sighed and started to gather up the cards again. She didn't seem to have the patience for the game this morning.

XXX

Death walked through his long monochrome halls quietly, moving through the walls as if they were mist.

"Ere, Master." Albert said as he stepped into the hall from the kitchen and seemed to be swept up in Death's wake. "You were gone a bit longer then I expected."

YES.

"Did you find out what was wrong with her book?"

ER…NO…I DID NOT. I SUPPOSE I GOT A BIT DISTRACTED.

"Distracted? What were you doing the whole time?"

NOTHING THAT SHOULD CONCERN YOU, ALBERT. ER…COULD I ASK YOU A QUESTION?

Albert groaned inwardly.

"You certainly are doing quite a lot of that lately, Master."

WHAT DO YOU CALL THAT SORT OF…FLUTTERY FEELING YOU GET INSIDE?

"Fluttery feeling, Master?" Albert asked wearily.

WHERE IT FEELS LIKE THERE ARE THINGS FLYING AROUND INSIDE YOU AND YOU GET A BIT LIGHTHEADED.

"Sounds like a nasty bug to me." Albert said while taking out a soggy rolled up cigarette and sticking it in his mouth. "Why're you asking about fluttering things? Out of sheer morbid curiosity?"

I SUPPOSE IT IS NOT IMPORTANT. Death said with a sigh.

"I wouldn't worry about it, Master." Albert said as he lit his cigarette. "I'm sure it'll pass."

ALBERT, HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO PLEASE SOMEONE, WHOM I CAN GIVE NOTHING?

Albert took a drag on the cigarette and frowned a little. It never tasted right here.

"Well…" He said, while looking sideways at Death. "Me mam used to like it when my dad picked his socks up." He said with a shrug.

SOCKS...REALLY? Death asked. His mind seemed to be elsewhere. IN THE CIRCUMSTANCES ALBERT…THAT DOES NOT HELP MUCH. Death said as he walked through the wall into his office, looking a little downtrodden as he did.

XXX

Elizabeth had fallen asleep for an hour or two. It was kind of hard not to when you were in bed all day. It was either that or being completely and utterly bored. She'd grown tired of patience hours ago, but had wound up playing it and poker and Cripple Mr. Onion (Although it was a variation of it because she couldn't remember all of the rules) by herself, which was extremely dull because she always won. She didn't feel like drawing. There wasn't anything to draw. So she'd fallen asleep.

When she woke up, Death was sitting on a chair by the bed. She stretched and sat up a little, careful not to rub her leg up against anything. A couple of cards slipped off of her lap and onto the floor.

"How long have you been here?" Elizabeth asked as he leaned over to pick them up.

NOT LONG. He lied. HOW IS YOUR LEG?

"It isn't purple anymore…and the swelling's going down I think…so…it's good."

I AM GLAD. He said as he handed her the cards. She smiled as she took them and added them to the others.

"Would you like to play?" She asked as she raised the deck inquiringly.

YOU WOULD LOSE.

"I've been playing by myself all day." She said as she sorted the cards out. "I don't mind losing as long as I have someone to play against."

IF YOU ARE CERTAIN. He said.

"Sit on the bed. I don't want to put the cards on the edge." Death rose from the chair and lowered himself again opposite to her.

WHAT IS IT THAT WE ARE PLAYING, ELIZABETH? She shrugged.

"I don't care. Cripple Mr. Onion?"

I'VE NEVER REALLY UNDERSTOOD THAT GAME. He said as he watched her deal the cards.

"Really? I thought you were good at all games."

I TEND TO HAVE TROUBLE WITH THAT ONE…

"Well good. Then maybe I'll have a chance at beating you." She said while smiling and handing him his cards. He took them from her carefully and looked at them.

"Your not supposed to look at those…those are supposed to be face down."

OH…SORRY. He said as he set them down again. I CANNOT EVEN REMEMBER THE TERMINOLOGY.

"I'll tell you what, we wont use any modifiers. Except the crippling one, of course. That one, I think, is required."

THERE ARE MODIFIERS? Elizabeth gave him a look.

"What do you do when someone challenges you to this game, when, you know they're playing for their life?" She asked.

GENERALLY I DISCOURAGE THEM FROM CHOSING THIS GAME…AND CHESS…OF COURSE

"Chess?"

I CANNOT REMEMBER HOW THE HORSE MOVES. She raised her brow and exchanged two of her face down cards.

"That's a bit…unsporting isn't it? Discouraging people from playing the only game they have a chance at beating you at?"

UNSPORTING? IT IS NOT PARTICULARLY A SITUATION WHERE IT IS APPROPRIATE TO BE SPORTING, IN MY OPPINION.

"Oh…" She said as she handed him five more cards. "You can look at those." She added, as he was careful to place them on the bed without looking at them.

AH. ER…NOW WHAT?

"Now you try to put together a valuable hand." She watched him as he looked at the cards in a puzzled manner. "It's a bit cold isn't it?"

PARDON?

"Putting it like that. I mean…if someone's playing you for their life, they probably expect you to be fair."

DO THEY? I DO NOT SEE WHY THEY SHOULD.

"Well, most people are rather fond of their lives. They don't want to be cheated out of them." She frowned, knowing that it was the wrong word when she said it. He paused and looked up at her. A chilly feeling washed over her for a moment as his gaze met hers.

THAT IS A RATHER HURTFUL REMARK, ELIZABETH. He said.

"I didn't exactly mean it…like that." She said and noted that at times like these, he could be a bit frightening.

I DO NOT CHEAT, YOU KNOW?

"Yes…it was the wrong word to use. Sorry." She said and sighed slightly as his gaze left hers.

IT IS ALL RIGHT…IT IS SOMETIMES HARD FOR HUMAN'S TO UNDERSTAND. MY POINT IS, EVERYONE MUST DIE…EVENTUALLY. LIFE IS TOO IMPORTANT TO PLAY FOR IN A GAME THAT IS EASY TO WIN.

He laid his cards down. Elizabeth looked down and then, as the tension drained out of the room, she picked her own cards up.

"To be fair…you do sound a bit cold sometimes, you know."

I KNOW. IT CANNOT BE HELPED, I'M AFRAID. I AM SORRY…IF IT IS ANY HELP.

"You don't have to apologize."

SOMETIMES I FEEL AS IF I SHOULD.

"It's all right." She touched his hand briefly before returning it to her cards. "I'm pretty sure I've won." She added after a moment.

OH? He asked, while gazing at her for a moment,

"Yes…in fact…you could say you didn't have much of anything at all." She laid her own cards down and looked at him. "It was a terrible hand."

OH WELL. He said still looking at her.

"It's one up and two to the right or left, or two up and one to the right or left. Or down, of course…like an L shape."

PARDON?

"The way the knight moves in chess."

AH…EITHER WAY, IT IS AN ENTIRELY ILLOGICAL WAY FOR A HORSE TO MOVE. Elizabeth smiled.

"Yes…it is…but it's a game…it isn't meant to be logical."

I SUPPOSE.

"Would you like to keep playing?"

YES.

She dealt the cards again, still smiling.

XXX

Whoo…I turned twenty yesterday! So this is my birthday present to you…now I need to sleep though, because it's 1:30 and I have school tomorrow. Hope it's not awful!

Novocain: Oo Thank you?

MJ MOD: Yes, yes he is. Nothing important is happening with Elizabeth's leg…don't worry about it. : ) Once again I adore your inquiries. Hope you liked this chapter.

VenG: Yes indeed. He can be rather cute in an almost childlike way sometimes.

Tardis: )

Semi Automatic Bunny: Hahaha! That'd be funny. Not entirely sure I'd have the nerve though. And yes…it is not completely unconventional.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter Twelve:

_Oh, the flowers of indulgence and the weeds of yesteryear,  
Like criminals, they have choked the breath of conscience and good cheer.  
The sun beat down upon the steps of time to light the way  
To ease the pain of idleness and the memory of decay.  
"Every Grain Of Sand" Bob Dylan_

Jerimoth was washing his hands in the Lancre River. The skin had been cut when he'd pulled the branch out of Elizabeth's hands. Of course, hers had probably been cut more. And he didn't bleed anymore…but it was still a pain. He wrung the dead hands out and looked at the palms, while wondering vaguely if he could persuade his body to heal itself. He doubted it.

As he went about this task a scent hit him. It is said that scent triggers memory and emotion almost better then any other sense. Jerimoth straightened and eyed the area for a moment, taking in the plant life which had settled near the water. Finally something caught his eye. He smiled a little and plunged into the river.

When he reached the other side, (And it did not take long because the river was thin in this area) he stood in front of what appeared to be a flowering plant. He touched the leaves briefly and then grabbed a hold of it at the base of the vine and wrenched it out of the ground.

Mr. Sunshine watched all of this from the bank but said nothing as he returned, dripping from the knees down.

The auditor was sitting at the trunk of a tree. They had decided to stay, for the most part, in the forest for now. They'd go into town when they needed to.

Jerimoth sat down, still holding the plant, which smelled slightly sweet, but at the same time, somewhat sickening. There were also a few gray robes hanging inches away from them. Jerimoth, for the most part, ignored them.

What do you plan on doing now, human? One auditor asked. If it had patience it would be losing it right now.

"Waiting for an opportunity to present I'self. In the meantime…I can figure out _how_." He said carefully while examining the plant and then bringing it up to his nostrils and taking it in as someone might smell a rose.

"Quickly… as I…er…we have said." Sunshine said while casting a nervous look at the Auditors who had remained silent.

"Yeh…there's a lot of ways to kill someone, though. A LOT of ways. And besides, I been thinkin…maybe killing her quickly aint the answer…I'd like to talk to her again…I got some questions…she can't answer em if she's dead…"

This is unacceptable. An auditor said dryly. You are being paid to kill her quickly. Not to talk to her, not to have private conversations…

"I aint been paid yet." Jerimoth said, while looking to the auditors for the first time since they'd appeared in the clearing. "Besides, I know what I'm doing" He turned back to Mr. Sunshine, whose eyes were slightly wide with what Jerimoth had come to recognize as fear, near hysteria and the onset of madness.

"Your sitting in poison ivy, by the way." Mr. Sunshine looked down and then his frenzied gaze returned to Jerimoth.

"This is bad?"

"Makes ya itch…you get a nasty rash…eh you'll find out." Mr. Sunshine moved quickly and stared at the plant with wild eyes. Jerimoth smiled with a dull amusement.

We expect results SOON. Preferably by the end of next week. An auditor said. It's voice was monotone. No more of this ridiculous stalling. We will be checking in later.

The auditor faded slowly.

Sunshine turned to Jerimoth nervously. After he began to become uncomfortable with the silence that arose after the auditors left and the smell of the flowering plant, mixed with the scent of the poison ivy began to make him feel ill.

"What is that?" He asked while nodding towards the plant in Jerimoth's fingers.

"Belladonna." Jerimoth responded as he picked a large, fleshy berry from the vine. It was almost black. Mr. Sunshine hadn't seen him eat anything in the entire time he'd been near him, nor had he drunk or smoked. Jerimoth took a small bite of the berry now.

"These flower in mid summer, early autumn, you know. The berries are sweet…and kinda bitter. I always wondered why."

"Food…one of mankind's many oddities. If it is necessary nourishment, why must anything be sweet?"

"Same reason people sometimes yearn for sleep and want sex, Sunshine. People like to be distracted. They like pleasure. They want." Jerimoth said as he took another bite of the berry. "You know there is a seed that is so pleasing that no one would consciously eat only one…and it is terribly poisonous. And just two or three drops of Deadly nightshade can be disastrous…it can dissolve through the skin through cuts." He looked at his own hands as the juice of the berry ran down his fingers and into the slight abrasions. "One of the most toxic plants in the world."

"Deadly Nightshade?"

"Yes, Belladonna." He said. "Of course the berries are also terribly poisonous…but I can hardly say I'm concerned about that." He said as he threw the remainder of the berry to the side. "In fact, the whole damn thing is poisonous…I think the roots are the worst." He seemed to think for a moment as Sunshine watched, careful to keep his distance from the Deadly Nightshade as it suddenly seemed to menace for no apparent reason...perhaps it was the fact that it was Jerimoth who was holding the deadly plant.

He wondered briefly about what the man said. Even the plant was aesthetically pleasing. It flowered beautifully. The berries were big and round, bursting with venomous juices. Why? And then of course he realized that this was not how an auditor was supposed to think and he tried to put it out of his mind.

"I don't usually use poisons." Jerimoth said. "Once or twice by request. I had a woman who asked me to supply her with some for her and her son…I forget why. I can't even remember which ones I used. Strychnine I think…and something less potent for her…she would have recovered if it had not been for the fact that she took a kitchen knife to her throat." Sunshine tried to keep himself from shuddering. "Apparently she could poison her son…but was not so fond of the idea of watching him on the ground, all of his muscles convulsing. You die of exhaustion with Strychnine you know…that or a lack of oxygen."

"That's awful."

"Certainly…It's less messy then some. More dramatic then most though…and very upsetting to watch. You know, I think in this case…poisoning should be considered." He said as he gazed at the Deadly Nightshade again.

"You will use strychnine?" Sunshine asked nervously. After the man's description, a large part of him was shying away from the thought of watching someone under its effect.

"No no…" Jerimoth said in his gruff and nearly hoarse voice. "Far too dramatic, I think…if I do use poisons I like to find the one that fits the situation." He smiled, this time far broader then usual, although the smile still did not reach his eyes, which were entirely dead.

"It's funny how things work out sometimes." He said.

XXX

"You have a bagel." Elizabeth said as she looked at his cards. She'd moved over to the other side of the bed to help him with his hand, but he didn't seem to understand, nor was he capable of putting something decent together even when she was telling him pointedly what to do with his cards. It was uncanny; he couldn't grasp the game no matter how many times she explained it.

REMIND ME AGAIN WHAT THIS IS?

"It's not a good thing." Elizabeth said with a sigh. She took the cards from him and threw them into the center. "I'm sick of this game." She said. "Why is it you can't remember the rules, anyways?" He shrugged.

I DO NOT KNOW. PERHAPS IT IS JUST ONE OF THOSE THINGS. She nodded.

"I didn't know those sorts of things applied to you."

THERE ARE SOME BIZARRE RULES OF EXISTENCE THAT EVEN I CANNOT OVERSTEP.

"How does a knight move in chess?" She asked with a smile.

A KNIGHT?

"The little horse shaped piece." Elizabeth said patiently.

AH. YES…ER…IT UM…He paused for a moment. DAMN…

"Amazing." Elizabeth said while shaking her head. There was a knock on the door before Nanny Ogg entered. Elizabeth wondered vaguely why she even bothered to knock, since she didn't wait long enough even for a quick response from within.

Her usually amiable and yet sly smile froze slightly when she saw Death.

"Oh…didn't realize you had company…" Nanny Ogg said. "Good morning, Sir…" She added. It was odd seeing Nanny Ogg in any sort of cold mindset. It was almost frightening. With Granny Weatherwax it was all right because she was always in a nasty mood…but then…most people in Lancre agreed that they'd be quite a bit more nervous if Granny Weatherwax started acting sweet or kind. A smile from Granny Weatherwax was far worse then a scowl from Nanny Ogg.

GOOD MORNING, MRS. OGG. I TRUST YOU ARE WELL. Death said politely.

"Yup. Very healthy…feel great me." She responded.

THAT IS GOOD TO HEAR.

"It's amazing you have time to be just…sittin here…what with your extremely busy schedule." Elizabeth smiled a little. She knew from experience that subtlety didn't work with Death. He tended to either ignore it or miss it entirely.

THERE IS PLENTY OF SPARE TIME, MRS. OGG. Nanny Ogg turned to Elizabeth, apparently giving up on Death for now.

"Brought you some tea, dear. Also, one of the girls has lunch on. If you're hungry I can get her to bring some in for you."

"Thank you." Elizabeth said. "I am a little hungry."

"I suppose he'll be stayin for lunch?" She said while nodding at Death. Of course what she meant was; 'He isn't staying for lunch, is he?' Elizabeth's eyes turned to Death.

ACTUALLY, I SHOULD PROBABLY BE ON MY WAY. Nanny Ogg nodded.

"Probably got a lot of work to do. Reaping people's immortal souls and all of that." She headed towards the door. When she was gone Elizabeth looked at Death again.

"Maybe you ought to stop time when you visit me…she seems a bit uncomfortable."

THIS IS NOT ENTIREY UNEXPECTED.

"Are you still "making inquiries?" Elizabeth asked.

I AM QUITE CERTAIN THAT I KNOW THE SITUATION WELL ENOUGH TO MAKE A FEW VERY ACCURATE GUESSES.

"Oh?" She paused for a moment. "When are you planning on coming back?"

WHEN WOULD YOU LIKE ME TO? Elizabeth shrugged.

"I guess…whenever you have time."

TIME IS NOT AN ISSUE ELIZABETH.

"Of course it isn't." She said.

BEFORE I LEAVE I MUST HAVE A WORD WITH MRS. OGG.

"Good luck." Elizabeth said as she watched Death rise.

I WILL SEE YOU SOON, ELIZABETH…ER…I LOOK FORWARD TO IT. She smiled a little as he turned and walked through the wall.

XXX

Mrs. Ogg was sipping at tea and whiskey while thinking. She was a very capable witch, but she did not have the alertness of Granny Weatherwax, and therefore, she did not notice as Death stalked up behind her.

MRS. OGG. She did not; however, jump, which did say something about her self-control.

"Whatcher." She said as she took another drink. "Decided to use the front door for a change?"

I WAS WONDERING IF I MIGHT ASK YOU A FAVOR?

"Do I owe you any?" She asked as she turned around to face him.

I IMAGINE NOT. NEVERTHELESS, I DID NOT THINK IT WOULD HURT TO ASK.

She gave him a look that suggested that she did not think it would hurt HER much, certainly.

"If I agree to do you a favor, then you owe me, you know." She said as she took another sip of tea.

I GENERALLY DO NOT BARGAIN, MRS. OGG. AND I WOULD THINK THAT IT IS NOT IN A WITCHES NATURE TO BARGAIN OPENLY EITHER.

"Course not, we don't ask for anything…but most people who we do favors for tend to be very grateful afterwards…course your right. Wouldn't dream of bargaining with you." Death seemed to think a moment.

WHAT DID YOU HAVE IN MIND?

"Well it would be nice if you told me when you're going to drop by. It could be said that it's inpolite to show up unannounced...even if it is habit for you."

VERY WELL.

"And I'd certainly appreciate it if you knocked. That way I don't have to change into a new pair of knickers e'ry time you pop up."

THIS IS ACCEPTABLE. Death agreed.

"Fine then." She said. "What'd you want?"

WELL…MRS. OGG…I AM AWARE THAT YOU HAVE BEEN A…FREQUENTLY MARRIED WOMAN IN YOUR TIME…"

"You should know…you came for all of my husbands. But don't say my time like it's in the past. I aint quite done yet."

MY APPOLOGIES…WHAT I MEAN TO SAY IS…I MYSELF…AM NOT VERY WELL VERSED IN THE WAYS OF MARRIAGE. IT IS NOT SOMETHING I HAVE EVER NEEDED TO KNOW.

"I imagine not…probably on the list of things you need to know least about."

ER…YES…WELL…NEVERTHELESS… He went on, looking slightly nervous. THIS IS WHY I AM SPEAKING TO YOU MRS. OGG.

It took a moment for this to sink in. When it did, Mrs. Ogg reckoned that she'd need a lot more whiskey with her tea. Of course, she wasn't the type to be easily embarrassed, but there were some things even a life like Nanny Ogg's couldn't prepare you for.

"What, you?" She asked. He was standing with his skeletal hands folded behind his back and was looking embarrassed insofar as a skeleton _could_ look embarrassed. "Really?"

YOU ARE THE PERSON TO SPEAK TO ABOUT THESE THINGS, ARE YOU NOT? OR AM I MISTAKEN?

"Well yes…damn, and up until now I haven't regretted that one bit. It can't be helped though. Can't have fun without there bein, you know…consequences and such. Not fair if you ask me. I guess you'd better sit." Death paused for a moment before taking a seat opposite to her and resting his skeletal hands on the table.

"What is it exactly you want to know?" Nanny Ogg asked, while staring at fixedly at a reassuringly normal wall…well…normal aside from the gaping hole, of course.

ANYTHING YOU CAN TELL ME, MRS. OGG. I FIND MYSELF QUITE IGNORANT IN THIS MATTER. She sighed.

"You don't know anything about marriage?"

ER NO...NOT MUCH. IS THERE QUITE A LOT I SHOULD KNOW?

"Oh dear. You'd better pour yourself a cup of tea. This is going to take a while."

XXX

A fairly short chapter, unfortunately. Sorry about that. On the positive side, I've had so many ideas come to me in the last couple days, and now am pretty certain about how the story is going to end. (Not yet, don't worry) This was worrying me a chapter or two ago because I had almost nothing in mind after a certain point, and I had the end of A Promise To Be Kept figured out from the beginning. Usually not knowing about a story is a good way to develop some intense writer's block and lose interest and I was worried that the ending would have to either be winged or slightly lousy and uninspired, but I'm feeling much more confident about it now.

Happy Halloween!!!!

Pinkybrain: Thank you. It was a pretty good day. I'm glad you liked the sceneand I hope this update was fast enough for you : )

RoxyVegas: Their relationship is what I wanted to focus on the most when I started this story. Glad you liked the chapter.

TardisIsTheOnlyWayToTravel: Thank you : ) That scene was more or less thrown in. It did serve a purpose in developing the plot but was mostly unplanned. Glad you liked it. : ) Love the Death of Rats.

GhostGirlSora: Thank you and thank you : )

VenG: I don't know about all my dreams coming true, but I'm certainly glad you liked the chapter : )

Starlite1: It's been so long since I've played chess. I had to look it up. That is not near as confusing as the rules to Cripple Mr. Onion though. (I believe they were made up by fans) Holy hell, I don't know how anyone remembers those.

Novocain: Well I'm glad you like my OC. It is always nice to hear that. Also glad that you were laughing in a good way. : )


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter Thirteen:

Touch back down will you

Put your feet on the ground and

Stay here with me

Touch back down will you

Let me look at you

As you are

Touch back down

"Touch Back Down" Katherine Feeny

Nanny Ogg knocked on the door to her guest room. For once, it was open, propped up against the wall with an indeterminate object from Elizabeth's luggage. Outside the sun was setting. The conversation between her and Death had lasted a long time and it had felt like even longer.

Elizabeth looked up from what she was doing, and Greebo, who was stretched out of the bed and looking quite comfortable looked up from watching Elizabeth. She had a large bundle of paper unfolded in front of her and a pencil in her hand.

Nanny Ogg walked into the room, her usual smile plastered firmly on her face as she approached the bed.

"Brought you something to eat." She said as she handed Elizabeth a bowl of soup.

"Thank you. No daughter in laws around?" Elizabeth asked as she took the bowl from her and set it aside so that she could continue to sketch what turned out to be a fairly proficient drawing of the smelly tomcat.

"They're cleaning the fireplace and kitchen floor right now. Iz oo getting drawn Greebo?" She said, going from a matter of fact voice to baby talk in seconds flat. Elizabeth smiled a little, although it was more a pitiable smile then anything else. She never baby talked to cats in the opinion that if they could talk back, what they would have to say to someone who spoke to them in that sweet, aggravatingly cute voice would be on the lines of 'piss off.'

"He aint bothering you is he?" Nanny Ogg asked as she pulled up a chair and sat.

"No…I've gotten rather used to the smell." Elizabeth answered as she turned back to her drawing.

"Yeah…bless him, it's his stomach." She said this as if he had just done something commendable.

"Besides, he sat on my cards in the middle of a game of patience and then he chased away the bird on the windowsill that I was trying to draw earlier, so I didn't have much of anything else to do." She said. Greebo stretched with a slightly satisfied look on his cat face.

Nanny stroked Greebo's fur absently, then as she withdrew her hand, her broad smile faded a little and she cleared her throat.

"Er…I think we oughtta talk, dear." She said seriously.

"What, again?" Elizabeth asked, while bending over the paper as she made a few quick strokes with her pencil.

"Well, see, this is more for your benefit then mine…" She said. Elizabeth gave her a sideways look. "Plus…" She continued. "I thought it might be a bit cruel if I didn't warn you." Elizabeth looked at her.

"Warn me? Of what?" She asked, while looking slightly apprehensive. Part of her didn't think there was anything at this point that would worry her in the increasingly distressing circumstances, but she was becoming more and more aware of the fact that this did to seem to matter at all.

"I been talkin to your husband." Nanny Ogg said. She was looking slightly guilty.

"He did say he needed to talk to you."

"Yeah...um…see he had a few questions."

"What sort of questions?" Elizabeth asked.

"Well uh…you said before when we was talking that you'd be a bit concerned if he showed willing…didn't understand it then…now I suppose that I see what you meant."

"I think I used the word frightened, yes."

"Well…" Nanny paused and then progressed slowly. "What if I was to tell you…that he might be showing willing?"

"What?" Elizabeth asked, while raising her head fromm her drawing and giving Nanny Ogg her full attention. Now she could see the guilt wiritten across the older woman's face.

"He was askin about marriage." Nanny said. "Seemed interested, see."

"Marriage?" Elizabeth asked. "What sort of things did you tell him?" She continued suspiciously.

"Pretty near everything dear, told him all I knew…cept for the stuff that I thought'd only confuse him." Elizabeth was staring at her with wide eyes.

"Everything...you...know." She said in a hoarse voice. "By everything you know...do you mean...?"

"Everything dear..."

Elizabeth suspected that she only knew a very small fraction of what Mrs. Ogg knew about marriage…and the thought of _him_ knowing all the woman knew made her feel a little dizzy. In fact, it was accurate to say that she was unable to think about it for any amount of time before her mind would shut down out of protection.

"Well, I may have forgotten a few things…" Nanny conceded, as she watched the mounting horror in Elizabeth's countenance.

"Why would you do that?" Elizabeth interrupted.

"Well, it's been a long time…and I have picked up quite a lot on the way…I mean, you'd be amazed at how much…"

"No! I mean why would you talk to him about that stuff!?" Elizabeth said frantically.

"Well he asked. Besides it wasn't only about…you know…that stuff…there was other stuff too. Course…the only reason I know about them was because when I was young I generally hoped it would lead to…well…the other stuff…" She looked at Elizabeth's face again and cleared her throat. "Honestly I don't think he was searching for anything particular, though. Didn't seem to know much at all about...oh you know...sex." Nanny said. This didn't seem to relieve Elizabeth in the least. She was looking at Nanny as if she had just told her that she had been outside murdering small birds and kittens.

"So you felt you had to tell him?" Elizabeth asked cynically. "All right…let me get this straight…" She continued slowly. "You actually sat down with him…and talked about…those things? Because he asked about marriage...and you couldn't...sort of...leave that stuff out."

"Oh, you can't do that…It's a big part of marriage."

"Yeah...but he's Death! We talked about this earlier! Not able to have children so on and so forth...and now, because of you, I'm probably going to have to have a private talk with him...and I'm not ready for this yet!"

"Well…he did say he'd be returning tomorrow." Elizabeth sighed and lay up against the back of the bed.

"You all right?" Nanny Ogg asked after a while. Elizabeth was staring at the ceiling miserably.

"What's he asking about marriage for?" She asked wearily. "The worst part is that I know this whole things going to be dreadfully embarrassing..." Nanny Ogg shrugged.

"He seemed a bit nervous about the whole thing really…oh, don't worry dear, I'm sure he's intelligent enough…"

"Mrs. Ogg…" Elizabeth interrupted, while turning her head so that she was facing her again. "When I was working for him I spent nearly a month buying him stuff like hairbrushes, shoe polish, and a very tiny instrument that turned out to be a mustache comb." She said while giving Mrs. Ogg a very pointed look. "He may be intelligent…but he is not exactly what you would call sensible."

"Well…"

"How did he…you know…react to this little talk you two had? Aside from being nervous…which makes _me _a bit nervous, I don't mind saying."

"He did seem…interested…didn't interrupt too much cept to ask one or two questions…odd questions at that. Didn't get what the oysters were for...for example."

"Oysters?" Elizabeth raised her brow. Nanny cleared her throat.

"Never mind, dear. Anyways when I was done he thanked me for being so helpful and said he had to run a few errands…" She patted the girl's knee. "I'm sure things won't be as bad as you think."

"Yeah…because they hardly ever are." Elizabeth said sarcastically. "Especially lately, everything has been going quite well. Did he say what sort of errands?"

"No...and remember things can always get worse, Liz." Nanny said with a smile.

"Why does everyone always say that? It doesn't help…it just reminds me that things can get worse…" There was a brief silence in which Greebo sidled up to her and patted at her foot with his paw to get her attention. Of course when Greebo did this he tended to use his claws. Elizabeth pushed him off of the bed without thinking about it, much to the cat's annoyance.

"You want me to tell you what I told him, so's if your right about him not being sensible, you'd know what to…er...sort of discourage him?"

"I really don't think I have the energy right now…but thank you anyway." Elizabeth said, with some mortification.

"You sure?" Nanny asked.

"Yes…he's coming back tomorrow is he?"

"That's what he said."

"Oh dear…I should have let that zombie kill me…" Elizabeth said with a sigh. "And I was just starting to feel as if I was getting used to him again, too.

XXX

Death dismounted his horse in front of a shop in Ankh Morpork early the next morning. It had fancy silver lettering over the door and was painted in purple, which was considered to be a fancy color. Of course, this shop was obviously a bit old and the paint was peeling a little and anyone could tell that the gold wasn't real gold when they stood up close. Nevertheless, the illusion was sound as long as one wasn't too picky and they didn't get too near the building. It even had curtains, which helped, but smelled slightly of mothballs. He strode forward, stopping at the entrance briefly, to examine the latch before heading in the usual way.

The shop was lit with lanterns, bobbing on chains, which hung from the ceiling. In the middle a large and admittedly expensive looking chandelier acted as a large fire hazard should gravity ever overtake it.

Death eyed the woman at the front desk, who was writing in a leather bound book. A pair of thin gold-rimmed glasses balanced on her upturned nose, beneath a hairdo that seemed to be built on top of her head like a birds nest. She was wearing something that could have been called a dress only by default. It had all of the necessary ingredients while having twice as many unnecessary ones.

EXCUSE ME. The woman looked up, slightly alarmed, and craned her amazingly long neck in an effort to find where the voice had come from.

"I do apologize. I did not hyeah the bell ring." She said as she adjusted her glasses and squinted at the visitor.

IT DID NOT. Death said as he approached the woman. It was amazing how working in this sort of shop caused people to add extra vowels to certain words. I ER…HAVE HEARD THAT I MIGHT PURCHASE A GARMENT OF FEMALE PURSUATION HERE.

"For a lady?" She asked as she tried to eye the…male? Her eyes began to water.

ER...YES? FOR MY WIFE.

"Well we have the best made clothing in Ankh Morpork heah…wea not cheap though." She said, while trying to raise her head at him in a snooty manner. It didn't seem to work because it was hard to look down on someone when they towered over you.

COST IS NOT A CONCERN OF MINE. He said.

Ah, well that was all right then, she thought as she stood from the desk. If he had money it didn't matter if she couldn't see him properly or not.

"What did hyou have in mind?" The woman asked, her smile a bit more pleasant now.

I AM NOT ENTIRELY CERTAIN. WHAT WOULD YOU RECOMMEND? Death asked nervously.

"This depends on thea occasion. Hwee have gowns for all sorts of occasions. Balls, pahtees, royal dinners, banquets…"

THIS IS NOT FOR ANY OF THOSE. IT IS FOR…LET ME SEE…AN EVENING OUT?

"Oh? Hwell, most people don't buy our gowns for ordinary occasions...but I'm sure we can find something that will please your lady." She said as she stepped out from behind the desk and motioned for him to follow her through a door nearby. She pushed a large purple curtain with golden tassels out of the way as she headed into the lace-infested room beyond. Death followed awkwardly.

XXX

"How much of this do we need?" Sunshine asked nervously as he dropped what was basically a bouquet of Deadly Nightshade in front of Jerimoth who was sitting under a tree with a wooden bucket of water beside him. He had a bit of the plant in his hand and was cutting it into pieces. In front of him were berries, leaves and roots all in separate piles. He'd said that they were lucky. This place had been crawling with the poison. Mr. Sunshine wasn't sure how lucky that was.

"That'll be enough." Jerimoth said without looking up. The auditor watched as Jerimoth picked up a handful of the leaves and dropped them into the bucket of water. Then he selected a few roots and added them in as well.

"What are you doing?" He asked curiously.

"Letting that sit for a bit." He said briefly. "It'll mix with the water."

"Do you really think this'll work?" Mr. Sunshine asked nervously.

"No, but it'll be interesting to find out." Jerimoth said as he took the new plants that Sunshine dropped in front of him and began to pick the berries off. "Make yourself useful and watch the girl for a while." He said without looking at the man. Sunshine nodded and headed in the direction of Nanny Ogg's house.

When he was gone Jerimoth brought the berry up to his lips and breathed it's scent in. He put slight pressure on it and it burst. The juice ran down his pale fingers and onto his lips, where the bittersweet taste lingered briefly.

After a moment he dropped the berry into the water and stared at his weathered hands while the juice ran into the cracks in the tough skin on his palms.

XXX

Nanny Ogg stepped outside her house via the back door and handed Elizabeth a cup of tea. The girl had spent much of the morning sitting outside with a sheaf of paper on her lap. Every time Nanny Ogg went to check on her the top page was entirely blank.

"Thank you." Elizabeth said as she took the tea and set it aside.

"Thinkin about anything particular?" Nanny asked after a couple of seconds of silence in which she had hung by the door.

"Mostly enjoying the fresh air." Elizabeth answered.

"Ah…glad to be outta bed, I imagine?"

"Yes." Elizabeth answered. That seemed to be all she was going to say. Nanny returned to the cottage and sat at the table, drinking her own cup of tea after adding a few drops of brandy.

The day, thus far, had been the quiet, lazy sort. It was not very hot outside, but the sun was strong, and so when it was not behind a cloud it was quite intense.

In the corner, Greebo had curled up in a large, smelly ball and was falling asleep. Every once in a while he would yawn.

About halfway through her cup of tea, Nanny heard a knock on the door. Once, twice, evenly spaced. She smiled a little and stood. Well at least he'd kept his side of the bargain.

"Watcher." Nanny said as she opened the door.

HELLO MRS. OGG. He seemed to have a parcel beneath one of his arms. Nanny was trying not to be morbidly curious.

"She's sitting out back." She said with a smile.

THANK YOU. Death replied.

XXX

GOOD AFTERNOON, ELIZABETH. Elizabeth looked up from the still blank page, ignoring her stomach as it did a small and slightly sickening half somersault.

"Hi…" She replied after a moment. She was sitting on a half weathered bench, which had held a few foreign looking birdhouses only this morning. Nanny had allowed her to move them so she'd have somewhere to sit.

Death approached her and sat quietly, setting the parcel down by his skeletal feet as he did. Elizabeth returned her gaze to the now inconveniently blank page and tried to think desperately for something to draw, she did this in the same manner that student might try to make themselves invisible in class by looking down and pretending that they weren't there. She had to have something to do so it didn't look like she was just staring at a blank page. Naturally, she couldn't think of anything.

HOW ARE YOU? He asked after a moment of awkward silence.

"Oh…you know…" Elizabeth replied while cursing the empty page mentally. "Fine…" She started to scribble something out at random.

YOUR LEG IS ALL RIGHT?

"Better…er…still a bit sore…" She said as she began to make heavier marks without really looking.

AH. THAT IS GOOD TO HEAR. MAY I ASK YOU SOMETHING?

"Er…I suppose…if you must." She said, while trying to sound natural.

WHAT IS IT, PRECISELY, THAT YOU ARE ATTEMPTING TO DO TO THAT PAGE? Elizabeth's pencil stopped as she eyed the drawing wearily. She sighed and set the sheaf of paper on the ground.

"Nothing…" She said with a sigh as she looked up at him. It was no use. She'd probably have to face him eventually. Might as well be now.

AH…ER…GOOD. I ACTUALLY WISHED TO INQUIRE AS TO WHETHER OR NOT YOU WOULD LIKE TO SPEND THE EVENING WITH ME?

"Oh?" She frowned slightly, while wondering vaguelly what she had expected him to ask. "Er…doing what?" He shrugged.

DINNER? I HAVE HEARD THE THEATRE IS SOMEWHAT APPROPRIATE IN THESE CIRCUMSTANCES. POSSIBLY STAR GAZING.

"Star gazing?" Elizabeth asked, while eyeing him bewilderedly. He was looking slightly awkward. She remembered, briefly a time two months ago, when he had asked her to the Festival. She hadn't thought too much of it at the time. But she could see now that it was some sort of an attempt to court her, had he even realized it at the time...or was it just she who was ignorant?

AH YES…I HAVE BOUGHT YOU SOMETHING. I GUESS IT IS CUSTOM ON THESE OCCASIONS. He took the package from beside him, where it had been leaning against his leg and handed it to her awkwardly.

"Oh…thank you…um…you're asking me on a date?" She asked as she took the box from him and eyed it briefly.

AM I?

"I think so, yes." Elizabeth said.

OH…IS THAT ALL RIGHT? He asked, a little bewilderdly. Elizabeth smiled a little.

"Yes, it's all right." She said kindly. "You meant _this_ evening?"

UNLESS YOUR LEG IS STILL BOTHERING YOU TOO MUCH?

"It'll probably be okay. What is this, anyways?" Elizabeth asked as she looked at the box.

IT IS A DRESS.

"To wear for tonight?" She said a little worriedly. She wasn't entirely certain of wearing something that Death had picked out, although...it wasn't as if it could possibly be anything worse then what she wore anyways.

THAT WAS THE INTENT. I WAS NOT ENTIRELY SURE OF THE SIZE, THOUGH. He paused. OF COURSE IF YOU DO NOT LIKE IT YOU DO NOT HAVE TO WEAR IT… He added hurriedly.

"I'm sure it'll be fine." Elizabeth said.

GOOD…ER…I SHALL PICK YOU UP AT SEVEN THEN?

Elizabeth nodded briefly.

XXX

"So what happened?" Nanny Ogg asked, as she limped in from the back door, holding the box under one arm.

"He asked me to spend the evening with him."

"Well, at least he asked." Nanny said while nodding.

"On a date." Elizabeth said pointedly, as walked past the woman into the guest room and set the package down on the bed.

"Oh…going about it in the gentleman's way, eh? Feedin you first."

"That one was a bit tasteless. Anyways, it gives me more time to think about what I'm going to say if the subject does come up.

Elizabeth said as she opened the box. As Nanny Ogg approached her she heard a sharp intake of breath.

"What's the matter?" Nanny asked. She looked at the box.

"Cor."

Elizabeth pulled the dress out for examination, paling a little as she laid it out on the bed. It looked as if the person who made it finished it and then, in seeing that they had quite a lot of stuff leftover, decided to add on to it unnecessarily. Nevertheless it was beautiful. It was the kind of dress women'd pay a fortune just to wear in a portrait...just to touch.

This wasn't precisely lost on Elizabeth. It was an eyefull to anything even remotely female. Still...

"I don't know how to wear this!" Elizabeth said, while staring at the ribbons and lace and ruffles in awe. "I wouldn't even know how to put it on."

"Oh, I'm sure we can figure that out." Nanny said as she touched the dress.

"But look at it...it must have cost him a fortune!"

"So? What's a fortune to Death. Coo, look at those sleeves."

"It's enormous...all I have for shoes are my boots..."

"Oh, that skirt's big enough to hide them. Don't you worry."

"But...I mean...it looks the sort of thing you'd need instructions for...I'm not even sure which way I ought to put it on..."

"Well how long have we got?"

"Till seven." Elizabeth said bitterly as she picked the dress up.

"Oh…we'd better get started then." Nanny said with a nod.

XXX

Pinkybrain: You know…I don't think I ever properly had mine. And yes, yes it does.

Semi-Automatic Bunny: Thank you. Haha, me too. Glad you liked the chapter.

Lover Doll: Love your reviews just fine. I'm glad you liked the last couple of chapters. Yeah, I looked up the rules to Cripple Mr. Onion and really couldn't make sense of any of it. It probably would have helped to have a deck of cards at the time…but then again, perhaps not.

VenG: Hee hee. I made the decision recently. And yes indeed, she is.

Iocus: Sorry I didn't have the dialogue. I started to write the conversation, but I just couldn't put it together. Major writers block.

Novocain: ) Glad you liked it and I certainly hope so.

Sorry for the short comments. I'm having a hard time focusing today. Having said that, I hope the chapter turned out all right. I've cvhanged a lot even as I've posted it.


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14:

_O, morning without warning like a hole, _

_and I watch you go. _

_There are some mornings when the sky looks like a road._

"Clam, Crab, Cockle, Cowrie" Joanna Newsom.

* * *

"What's this bit?" Elizabeth asked as she held up something frilly.

"I think that goes under the skirt to make it bigger."

"It gets bigger?" Elizabeth asked, horrified, as she looked down at the already massive skirt.

"Yup…we can probably leave it out though…at least the dress fits."

"Yeah…" Elizabeth had actually been rather surprised about this.

"Course when you think about it it's probably the sort of dress that aint supposed to fit. I can't get the corset any tighter and there's still a bit of room."

"I don't even see why I need the corset."

"Gotta have the corset…"

"I don't see the point though…it isn't as if I have anything to suck in." She said, a little darkly.

"It's the look of the thing dear." Nanny pulled slightly on the strings once more before giving up.

"These sleeves are giving me a bit of trouble." Elizabeth said as she glanced down at one. It had both lace and ruffles on it.

"I'm sure you'll get used to them." Mrs. Ogg said as she pulled the skirt out a little. The whole dress was stormy ocean blue and was packed with all sorts of decoration. There were ruffles and glitter on the bust and skirt, which poofed out magnificently and was adorned with lace and what looked like pearls. The sleeves came out a little in the shoulder until they arrived at the elbow and ended in ruffles and bell sleeves made of lace with the traditional flower like patterns at the edge.

It was beautiful, but Elizabeth felt silly wearing it. She felt silly for many reasons, but among them was the fact that she looked even duller then usual by comparison. And thus the dress did not seem to fit her in any way aside from in the most traditional sense…and even then, on suitable women it would have been too tight, this was what the corset was for, after all…so technically the fact that it did fit meant it really didn't at all.

"I don't think this is working." She said as she looked in the mirror and frowned. "It doesn't suit me…or perhaps I don't suit it…whatever it is, I feel ridiculous."

"Oh, don't fret, dear. A lot of women'd kill for a dress like this. Besides we 'aven't even done your hair and makeup yet."

"Hair and makeup? Oh no…I'd rather you didn't." She said while withdrawing from Mrs. Ogg slightly.

"Oh come on…what's the point of wearing a dress like this if you aint going to go all the way with it."

"What's the point of wearing a dress like this at all?" Elizabeth replied as she stared at the mirror again. "Perhaps I'd just better wear something else."

"Well I suppose it's your choice…" Nanny Ogg said. She smiled a little. "They'd be a bit ill fitting in the bust area, but I'll bet I 'ave some of my old clothes what I wore for occasions such as this. Course, I always wore stuff that'd…you know…encourage things…"

"All right, all right…but only a little makeup…" Elizabeth said, with a hint of frustration. "I look silly with too much on…"

"Good, sit down then…Ooh this gonna be fun." Elizabeth sighed and sat down on a chair that was up against the wall.

"I wonder if we can get your hair to curl any more." Elizabeth shook her head.

"It goes straight from limp to frizz if you try to do anything with it, believe me."

"We'll, I know a few tricks."

"That reminds me, I had a question for you." Elizabeth said. There was an edge to her voice that suggested she was a bit embarrassed.

"Oh?" Nanny Ogg said as she examined her face and hair.

"Yes…er…what _are_ the oysters for?" Nanny Ogg smiled.

"You don't know either, eh? Legendary aphrodisiac, doesn't always work o' course…they're supposed to get your sex drive going." Elizabeth stared ahead for a moment and there was suggestion in her façade of preoccupied thought as her eyes glazed over.

"I think I shall be allergic to sea food for tonight." She said grimly.

"Suit yourself, dear."

XXX

After a few hours in which she was poked and prodded at by all manner of things on the face and head, Nanny Ogg stood back and nodded happily.

"It's been a while, but I don't think I've lost my touch. Also I did your toenails. Used to keep mine painted to be appealing to men." Elizabeth looked down at her red varnished nails with a frown.

"It's fortunate that I shall be wearing my boots tonight then." She said after a moment.

There was a knock at the door. Once. Twice. Elizabeth sighed.

"That'd be him then." She said as she smoothed her skirt down distractedly and stood up from the kitchen chair. "He always knocks the same way. Gods, this dress is a pain." She pulled her boots over her feet and stood, allowing the skirt to cover them.

"You look lovely." Nanny said.

"Ha." In fact, Elizabeth had been looking in the mirror while the woman worked on her. She didn't look gorgeous, at least by traditional standards but it would take a while for someone to figure this out. The witch had done a good job.

She grabbed the walking stick on her way to the door, trying to ignore the clunking sound her boots made. Fortunately they _were_ entirely covered up by the massive skirt and she had at least tried to clean the mud off of them.

Elizabeth opened the door and smiled with some embarrassment.

GOOD EVENING, ELIZABETH. Death said.

"Good evening." She said, a little nervously.

I HAVE BROUGHT YOU FLOWERS. Death said as he handed them to her. AND CHOCOLATE, OF COURSE…AS THIS IS CUSTOMARY.

"Oh…thanks…Um, they look a bit dead…" She said as she examined the flowers. They had been roses.

I'M AFRAID IT CANNOT BE HELPED. He said wretchedly.

"Don't worry about it." Nanny Ogg appeared by her side as she said it.

"I'll take those." She said as she took the flowers and chocolates from Elizabeth's unresisting hands. "I'll put these in water…er..." She looked at the flowers. A few petals fell off of one. "Well…in a vase anyways. Ooh, almost forgot." Nanny Ogg disappeared for a moment. When she returned she was holding something small with rapping pulled over it.

"This is for you, sir." She said as she handed the small parcel over to Death. There was a glint in her eye that Elizabeth didn't like.

Death took it and looked at it in a puzzled manner. Elizabeth eye'd the package suspiciously before giving Mrs. Ogg a distrustful look.

"Mrs. Ogg…" She started.

"Well I don't want to keep you two." Nanny Ogg said quickly. "No doubt you want to be off." She pushed Elizabeth gently out the door and took a step back.

"Have fun, Liz." She said, with a smile as she shut the door.

Elizabeth looked up at Death as he extended his hand and took it uncertainly. Binky was standing a few feet away. Moonlight seemed to be attracted to the horse as it bounced off Binky's coat, making him glow.

Death held Elizabeth's arm as she mounted, a bit awkwardly because of the dress and then he swung into the saddle in front of her and took the reins.

"Where are we going?" Elizabeth asked as she wrapped her arms around his midsection.

WE WILL GO TO DINNER FIRST. He paused for a moment. YOU LOOK BEAUTIFUL BY THE WAY.

Behind his back, Elizabeth blushed.

"Thank you…" She mumbled as he pulled on the reigns and Binky trotted into the sky.

"Er…what did Mrs. Ogg give you?" Elizabeth asked as she watched the landscape moving several feet underneath them. Death took one skeletal hand from the reigns and reached into his robe briefly. Then there was a faint unwrapping sound.

IT LOOKS LIKE A CAKE. He said after a moment.

"…A cake."

YES. THERE IS A NOTE AS WELL.

"What does it say?"

UM…IT SAYS 'THIS MAY HELP.' Elizabeth pursed her lips.

"Could I see it for a moment?" She asked heavily. Death handed her the package over his shoulder. One of her arms left his waist and there was a brief scrabbling at the wrapper. Then there were a few minutes of silence, before Death cleared his throat, in a metaphorical sense.

IT APPEARS TO HAVE FALLEN FROM YOUR HAND, ELIZABETH.

"Sorry, it slipped." She said as she held onto him again.

XXX

It was the sort of Restaurant where a person had to get reservations months in advance. They hadn't had reservations…but it didn't seem to make a difference. Within minutes they were at a table. It was even by a window, although, in Ankh Morpork this may or may not have been a good thing.

They'd been given a couple of menus by a confused looking waiter. Elizabeth was thumbing through one of them.

"What language is this?" She asked as she reached the last page and turned back to the front.

QUIRMIAN.

"I can't understand a word of it."

I THINK THAT IS THE IDEA.

"Can you read it?" He nodded.

"What's this one?" She asked as she leaned towards him and pointed at something on the first page.

TWO WEEK OLD FISH.

"Really?" Elizabeth looked at it again. "What about this…er…Une sorte de pour cuire à l'étouffée fait du truc supplémentaire trouvé dans la cave?" She asked, pronouncing the words as best as she could.

I BELIEVE THAT ONE TRANSLATES TO 'SOME SORT OF STEW MADE FROM EXTRA STUFF FOUND IN THE CELLAR.'

"I thought this was a posh restaurant…" She said as she pulled the menu back towards her.

A VERY STANDARD ONE, ACTUALLY.

"And people buy this stuff?"

OH YES. ALL OF THE TIME.

"Amazing."

NOT REALLY. MOST PEOPLE CANNOT READ QUIRMIAN. IN FACT…I BELIEVE EVEN QUIRMIANS HAVE A PROBLEM WITH THIS VERSION OF THE LANGUAGE NOW.

"So people order it because they don't know what they're getting?"

NO…I BELIEVE THEY ORDER IT BECAUSE THEY WISH TO BE FOOLED.

"Bonsoir. Has the lady and the…er…gentleman made a decision yet?" The waiter asked as he walked up to their table and eyed them briefly.

WHAT WOULD YOU RECOMMEND?

"Well, our Les crevettes roses et la sauce qui goûte comme les pieds is particularly flavorful tonight as well as our roast duck." Death seemed to think for a moment.

THAT WILL BE SUFFICIENT. When the waiter walked away Elizabeth turned towards him.

"What was the first one?"

PRAWNS AND SAUCE THAT TASTES LIKE FEET.

XXX

It wasn't until they got their food that Elizabeth realized that she was actually rather hungry. She had never had roast duck or prawns and therefore ate it at first with caution. Both turned out to be very good.

Death had moved food onto his own plate, and seemed to be eating it, although every time Elizabeth looked up at him, he was watching her. It was beginning to make her uncomfortable.

ARE YOU ENJOYING THE MEAL? She swallowed.

"Yes, thank you." Elizabeth replied. "Although the sauce really does taste like feet."

REALLY? I HAVE NOT TRIED IT.

"You're not missing much."

"I do hope the meal is to your liking." The waiter said as he sidled, once more, up to their table. "Would you like to order something from our wine list?"

YES. YOUR MOST EXPENSIVE WINE, PLEASE. He said. He turned to Elizabeth and one of the blue lights in his eye sockets winked off briefly. Elizabeth had to bite her lip to keep from laughing. The waiter nodded and walked off again.

"So where are we going after this?" She asked as she pushed her plate aside.

TO THE DYSK.

"The Dysk?"

A THEATRE.

"Ah." Elizabeth said as she watched as the waiter opened the wine and poured a little in each of their glasses.

XXX

"Wow…this place is huge." Elizabeth said as she slid off of Death's horse and took in Ankh Morporks massive theatre.

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN TO A PLAY?

"Well…we used to have them in town during the festivals…but they were mainly performed by townspeople…they weren't very good." She added as she pulled the walking stick from Binky's saddle and leaned against it.

I UNDERSTAND THIS PLACE DOES MOSTLY TRAGEDIES. I MYSELF HAVE NEVER REALLY UNDERSTOOD THE THEATRE.

"Ah…tragedies…I've never liked them much. They're too depressing."

THIS IS GENERALLY THE NATURE OF TRAGEDY…IT IS RARELY FUN, I SHOULD THINK.

"Oh, I just mean…it's always about some king who gets killed because somebody else wants to be king, or two lovers who can't be together and in the end everyone kills themselves or gets murdered or goes mad."

AH.

"They're always so…" She seemed to pause, as if looking for the right word.

UNFORTUNATE? Death asked as he offered her his arm and they headed towards the entrance.

"No…well yes…I mean of course they're unfortunate. There's far too much drama…it almost makes them ridiculous. Although I admit…some things are harder to take seriously when performed by half drunk men in wigs."

I IMAGINE SO. WELL I HOPE IT IS A BIT BETTER WHEN DONE BY PROFESSIONALS.

They reached the ticket booth, where a man whose hair was pulled back against his head so tightly that it looked as if any minute in might all snap back, was sitting. He gave them a smile. He was not the sort of man that a mustache suited and yet, there it was, a tiny black smudge over his upper lip.

"Good evening." He said. "If you would like to buy tickets to tonight's performance, the fee is one dollar."

Death reached down to his belt where a bag of coins was hanging. He took a few coins out and handed them to the man, whose smile became slightly glassy while staring at Death.

"Excellent. I'm afraid the only seats that are open are in the twelfth row and above. So, if you would like to see the performance more clearly, we have binoculars."

NO…I'M AFRAID THE TWELFTH ROW WILL NOT BE SUFFICIENT. Both the man at the ticket booth and Elizabeth looked up at him bewilderedly.

"Er…I'm afraid it's all we've got, sir…everything else is filled…aside from the boxes but the only ones unoccupied are not technically ares to give away."

I WISH TO BUY ONE FROM YOU, IN ANY CASE.

"They belong to people…er…

"The twelfth row will be fine." She said quickly as she set her hand on Death's arm. He looked at her, slightly puzzled. "Sorry." She added.

"Er…um…that's quite all right, miss. Does this mean you would like the binoculars?"

"Yes…fine." She cast Death a brief look as the man fumbled under the desk and brought two sets of binoculars out.

"How much?" She asked.

"They're free, miss." The man said, while smiling nervously and very clearly avoiding Death's gaze.

"It says right there that they're a penny each." She said while pointing to a sign.

"On the house." The man said, his smile becoming more manic.

"Look, if they're just a penny…"

"Oh please just take them." The man pleaded, while pushing the binoculars at her. Elizabeth picked them up carefully, giving the man a strange look as she did and then adjusted her grip on Death's arm so that her fingers closed over his wrist. She pulled him in the direction of the giant oak doors.

XXX

THESE BINOCULARS HARDLY WORK. Death said after they sat and she handed him a pair. THEY ARE MADE OF A RATHER CHEAP PLASTIC…I SHOULD HARDLY THINK THEY'RE EVEN WORTH A PENNY.

"Well that's just fine because we didn't pay for them." Elizabeth said impatiently as she stared at the drawn curtain.

I DON'T SEE WHY YOU COULDN'T HAVE LET ME TRY AND GET BETTER SEATS.

"Look, it doesn't really matter. These seats are fine." After she said so, a rather large woman beside her shifted her weight and jabbed Elizabeth in the arm. She removed it from the armrest and gave the woman an annoyed look. It didn't do her any good because she wasn't paying her any attention. "Plus, that man looked wretched." She added after a moment. The curtain started to go up.

"What is this play called anyways?" She asked as she took out her binoculars and gazed through them. He was right, they weren't very good.

ER…FOUR TRAGEDIES…

"Oh good, so they should be able to fit every unfortunate scenario into the performance." She said with some sarcasm. Death eyed her briefly before returning his gaze to the stage.

She leaned her walking stick against the back of the seat in front of her and sat back in the chair with a sigh, placing her arm on the armrest opposite of the one next to the large woman.

On the stage, the play was beginning and after a few moments it became apparent that it was about some guy who was planning to kill his uncle because he wanted to be king. Elizabeth laid back against the chair and watched the stage lethargically.

XXX

Over the next couple of hours Death made an attempt to watch the plays, but he was having a hard time following them because he kept wondering about certain things that seemed illogical to him. There was one point in the third play when one of the actors seemed to stab another and then got rather upset about it and made a long and tiresome speech before stabbing himself. He didn't see the point really.

Elizabeth had fumbled with her binoculars for a while before setting them on her lap, apparently after deciding that they wouldn't work no matter how much she messed with them.

At the end of the third play a woman came out on stage and started talking about something at great lengths.

WHO IS THAT? Death asked. Elizabeth seemed to come out of a slight doze and eyed the woman.

"She's the kings daughter." She said with a yawn.

WHICH KING?

"The one that just got killed."

AH.

Death looked sideways at Elizabeth who was watching the play wearily.

"Oh, good. End of play three." She said as the curtain was drawn. "One more tragedy to go. What's the last one about?"

APPARENTLY IT IS A TALE OF TRAGIC LOVE.

"Of course it is."

Death watched as the actors filed onto stage and wondered briefly why people came to plays. Beside him, Elizabeth shifted her position in her seat to make herself more comfortable and set her hand on the armrest next to him. What was one supposed to do in this circumstance again? Ah, yes. He lowered his skeletal hand hesitantly over hers.

XXX

Elizabeth's hand tensed briefly and she glanced at him briefly before turning back to the stage. She tried to focus on the play once more, despite the fact that a large part of her mind was focused on the chill of his fingers over hers.

About halfway through the fourth play Death leaned over and spoke, making her heart jolt briefly in her chest.

I DO NOT UNDERSTAND THIS ONE AT ALL. DO YOU KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON SO FAR?

"Er…um…I think so far the story is, that that young man with the brown hair is in love with the young blonde...I think shes some servant girl or something, who's in love with that rather old fellow…who I think is married. And that rather suspicious looking man with the mustache has just poisoned her."

WHY HAS HE DONE THAT?

"Um…I'm not sure…actually." Elizabeth sighed. "But no doubt she'll die in the arms of her beloved after uttering some beautiful last words...whoever her beloved turns out to be...apparently the old guy is something of a bastard..."

IN MY EXPERIENCE LAST WORDS ARE RARELY MEANINGFUL.

"Yes…but this _is_ the theatre."

OF COURSE. AH. IT APPEARS THAT YOU WERE CORRECT. Death said as the woman on stage fell into the arms of the young man with the brown hair.

"They did a play like this in my town once." Elizabeth said while watching the actress's rather unconvincing death. "Everyone laughed when the heroin died because the actor playing her was the tailor and his wig fell off halfway through his speech."

WHAT IS THAT MAN DOING NOW?

"Making a speech about how angry and heartbroken he is."

HOW STRANGE. Death said thoughtfully.

"Poison." Elizabeth said while shaking her head. "Rather cliché, I should think."

XXX

Iocus: Hopefully the chapter didn't let you down too much. I'm glad you like the way I write Death . I don't know how hot a night can get when your date is Death.

Okami Lupus: I'm glad : ) Yes, yes they do.

Semi Automatic Bunny: Nope, he didn't remember. Well...I guess the dates not over yet...so maybe. Yeah, I can't see Death being a theatre person.

venG: Glad you enjoyed it. Honestly, I didn't know what the oysters were for either. I just found out.


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter Fifteen:

_So take my hand_

_This barren land is alive tonight_

_Oh, the corn has grown stalks_

_That form a wall to hide_

_But the wind carries sounds_

_That I can't see from beyond that line_

_Then the stalks begin to sway_

"_Arienette" Bright Eyes_

_Love was a thin thread in the seam_

_Of her harsh words and your soft defeat._

_Mmm, but love need never decide._

_Mmm, other girls are styrofoam inside._

_Empty sidewalk, empty street._

_Walk on weary, worried feet._

_Heaven spreads above the trees._

_You set your woman down._

_And you can't recreate the sound_

_Of home._

"_Boxcars, Boxcars, Boxcars" Street To Nowhere. _

Binky was waiting patiently outside the Dysk after the play came to a close. The moonlight hit him and bounced off like silver. A couple people gazed at him as they walked by. There was admiration in their faces, but even in their obvious awe and fascination, there was just a hint of wariness.

Death took the walking stick from Elizabeth as they stood by the white horse, before offering her his hand to help her up. She took it and went about the arduous task of mounting a horse in a gown that looked as if it might have been hiding miniature horses in the skirt as it was.

ARE YOU ENJOYING YOURSELF? He asked, after she mounted.

"It's been interesting…" She said. Her hand had gone just slightly numb in the theatre because he had been holding it for so long. It was still tingling. "Although I have to admit, that speech the young man made after his girl died did run on a bit long." It had, and she hadn't caught even a quarter of it. Afterwards he had done something that must have been exciting and brave, because someones head was cut off at the end of the play and everyone was clapping, but by then her mind had been wondering.

YES… Death said as he swung up into the saddle. He paused after taking the reigns. IT WAS A BIT ILLOGICAL. IN MY OPPINION MOST SANE PEOPLE DO NOT GO ON LIKE THAT ABOUT THEIR FEELINGS AND PLANS FOR REVENGE. AT LEAST NOT ALOUD, AND WHILE BY THEMSELVES.

"Well, it isn't odd in a play…but I don't think he had to go on for twenty minutes." She said as she wrapped her arms around his belt. Her fingers brushed lightly against the omega belt buckle he wore.

IT WAS ACTUALLY THIRTY-FOUR MINUTES. I BELIEVE YOU WERE ASLEEP FOR PART OF IT.

"Oh…well…I think I got the gist of it anyways. Besides, I doubt I was the only one. Where are we going now?" She asked as she noted the people walking by, who were ignoring the general area in which they were.

ACTUALLY…I ER…THOUGHT WE COULD PERHAPS GO BACK TO MY DOMAIN. Elizabeth frowned at his back. The way this sentence was lined up, it almost seemed like a polite way of saying 'lets go back to my place.' Like many women before her, her mind began to make up excuses of it's own volition.

"Oh…um…well…it's getting a bit late…and to be honest this dress is beginning to…er…get a bit uncomfortable…not that it isn't lovely…" She added quickly.

OH? WELL…AS YOU ARE CERTAINLY AWARE, NO TIME WILL PASS. AND, OF COURSE, YOU MAY TAKE THE DRESS OFF IF YOU WISH. Death said patiently. She wondered vaguely if he didn't take her hints on purpose, or if he really was as naïve as he sometimes seemed. Perhaps it was a bit of both.

"No, no that's all right. I think I shall keep it on…erm…well I probably shouldn't spend too much time on my leg…" She went on, a little weakly, knowing that it would not help.

YOU HAVE SPENT HARDLY ANY TIME ON IT, ELIZABETH. He said, slightly puzzled. He turned and looked at her over his shoulder. I CHOSE TONIGHTS ACTIVITIES SPECIFICALLY TO MAKE SURE THAT THIS WAS SO.

"Ah, well…in that case I suppose I haven't much of a choice."

XXX

It had been a while since Elizabeth had made this trip. She had forgotten the feeling of speed and the sight of stars shooting past on both sides. Elizabeth's head swam as it reacted to suddenly being very far away.

Around her, everything was still. Even when the plant life did seem to sway it felt…silent…lifeless. It was beautiful in a way, she had to admit…but there was an admittedly crypt like feeling to it.

Death had dismounted and offered her his hands again. She had been looking at the sky, it reminded her vaguely of the eerie light the day took on before the sun had fully risen, except that it was full of stars and here and there, there was a hint of color

She looked down and took his cold hands silently. The dress _was_ becoming increasingly uncomfortable and she wondered vaguely how some women wore stuff like it everyday as she slid down and adjusted it modestly. It was only a blessing she hadn't had any proper shoes for it.

"This place always feels so quiet." She said as she took his arm and walked awkwardly up the stairs to his house. He didn't say anything, but cast her a brief glance. His expression unreadable…as much as it could be called an expression.

When they reached the top of the stairs she eyed the doorway, and for a moment felt a hint of embarrassed amusement.

"I see you've put in a doorknob." She said with a slight smile.

YES, I BELIEVE YOU WANTED ONE. Death adjusted his arm in hers carefully.

"I did mention it…" Elizabeth said. "But you didn't have to actually put one in."

IT WAS NO TROUBLE. He said, while tilting his skull slightly. ELIZABETH?

"Yes?"

WOULD YOU LIKE TO WALK WITH ME…I WOULD VERY MUCH LIKE TO SHOW YOU A FEW PLACES IN MY YARD THAT YOU PROBABLY HAVE NOT SEEN.

She nodded after a moment.

"All right. What haven't I seen?"

WELL THERE IS QUITE A LOT. I IMAGINE THERE IS SOMETHING. WE CAN SIT AT ANY TIME IF YOUR LEG BEGINS TO BOTHER YOU. He said as he began to lead her around the house and down a second set of stairs.

Elizabeth eyed the black terrain, as they walked through the garden and past the stables where Binky was sniffing some hay. Ahead of her the dark country stretched colorless to the horizon where it turned to the gold of the harvest. She rather liked the wheat. It was the only warm color in the expansive cool dark landscape.

JUST A BIT FURTHER. Death said. Elizabeth's eyes swiveled up to him briefly before they on a wall of shrubbery rising up to their left. They passed a bench and what looked like a doorway cut into the overgrown hedge.

I HAVE HEARD THAT MAZES ARE QUITE POPULAR IN EXTENSIVE YARDS. I AM AFRAID IT DOES NOT WORK AS IT SHOULD THOUGH. Death said, when he saw her eyeing it.

"It looks fine to me…not that I've seen many mazes." She admitted.

WELL, I HAVE MADE IT QUITE COMPLEX, AND YET, I STILL CANNOT GET LOST IN IT. IT WOULD SEEM THAT I DO NOT HAVE THE KNACK. YOU MIGHT MANAGE IT THOUGH.

"As exciting as that sounds, I think I shall have to pass."

HERE WE ARE. He said as they reached an opening to a forest. COME. He said as he led her gently through the trees. It looked mostly like an ordinary forest, aside from the fact that the trees had no color in them, and they were covered in frost. Everything shimmered lightly with the iciness of winter, like a mist of tiny crystals.

DO YOU LIKE IT? Death asked as she reached out to touch the ice-covered branch of a tree. It was not cold; nothing in the forest would be because it wasn't real frost. She watched her distorted reflection echo through the icy trees.

"It's nice." She said as she turned towards him. "What is it?"

I CALL IT THE WINTER GARDEN. He said as he approached her with his hands behind his back. I RATHER LIKE THE WAY THE LIGHT HITS THE TREES IN THE WINTER.

"It's good…the only problem is I am having a hard time trying to convince my body that I shouldn't be shivering." She said.

YES…I IMAGINE THAT IT WILL PASS. He said as he looked off into the trees for a few minutes in a contemplative state. Finally, the glow in the depths of his eye sockets returned to her. I HAVE BEEN WONDERING SOMETHING.

"Oh?" Elizabeth said, while feeling a slight jolt in her stomach.

I AM NOT…PARTICULARLY GOOD WITH HUMAN EMOTIONS…THEY ARE DIFFICULT TO UNDERSTAND…BUT I AM CURIOUS…WHAT DOES IT FEEL LIKE TO BE IN LOVE?

The jolt returned, except now it wasn't so slight. He was eyeing her with almost hopeless attentiveness, and Elizabeth felt like she was being backed into a corner, because she felt as if she knew the true nature of the question and it was almost worse then having to deal with the subject of sex. Almost…well…maybe not.

"I don't…I mean…look…" She said while eyeing him desperately. "I…I'm not sure…I've never been in love. My father used to say that in the end it was being able to tolerate waking up next to someone day after day for the rest of your life."

NOT PARTICULARLY POETIC. ERM…DO YOU THINK…PERHAPS…

"No" Elizabeth sad, before he could finish.

She sighed. She hadn't been certain whether or not she would have to have this conversation with him or not.

_There's no helping it. _She thought as eyed the crystal branches again. _The silly thing is…even though I'm not in love with him…I really don't want to hurt his feelings. _

"You know…there's a part of you that I do really like…" She said a little awkwardly. She met his gaze eye to socket. "But…you are Death…your always going to be Death…so…there's a part of you I'm still not really sure about…I don't know if it's something I can ever be really sure about." She noticed with some dismay that he was looking a bit hurt. "So the answer is no."

I WAS NOT AWARE THAT I HAD ASKED A QUESTION. He said dejectedly.

"You were going to ask if I thought I could fall in love with you."

I SEE. WELL…I CANNOT SAY THAT I AM PARTICULARLY SURPRISED. He said quietly. The light in his eyes flickered briefly. I SUPPOSE…ALL THINGS CONSIDERED…I SHOULD TAKE YOU BACK NOW. He said as he turned away from her sadly and headed towards the mouth of the forest. Elizabeth opened and closed her mouth a couple times, as she tried to think of something to say before following him, her heart sinking.

XXX

As they reached the garden once more, Albert appeared, from the darkness of the stables.

"Hello master." He said. "What are you up to?" He eyed Elizabeth a little with a frown as she limped up behind Death.

I WAS JUST TAKING ELIZABETH HOME.

"Ah, well, just fed the horse, so it'll be a few moments. Excuse me miss." He said as he walked around her, and headed towards the laundry wheel in the corner of the garden.

VERY WELL. WAIT HERE A MOMENT. He said as he disappeared into stables. Elizabeth was left in the garden with Albert.

"So you're married to the master now." He said as he hung up a pair of ancient slacks with patches on the knees. She looked at him.

"Yes…" Elizabeth said. There was a hint of something in his voice that suggested unpleasantness.

"Don't think that I'm going to be callin you Mistress or Maam just because of it. I'm not your servant."

"I wasn't expecting anything like that."

"Well good…I would have thought that anyone who'd, you know…marry him'd either be really desperate, or, a sort of delusional person who has an unhealthy obsession with the occult and expects some kind of dark romantic rubbish. Which is it I wonder?" He said as he cast her a brief look.

"I can assure you 'dark romantic rubbish' did not enter my mind." Elizabeth said a little coldly.

"Ah, well good. Because if it had, you'd probably be pretty disappointed by now." He pulled a rolled cigarette out from behind his ear and stuck it in his mouth.

"Interesting dress." He said as he checked his pockets for a match. "Whatcha got hidin in the skirt?"

"It's supposed to look like this." She said icily.

"Fascinating. You know, your company is playing merry hell on the master's mind. No offense…but it aint exactly good for work." He said as he gave up on the match and started rubbing his forefinger and thumb together.

"Oh? And what am I supposed to do about that?"

"Dunno. Thought things were getting better for a while there." Elizabeth watched with some horror as his thumb caught fire and he lit the cigarette. He shook it out as if it wasn't anything to be concerned about and breathed in foul smoke. "Then suddenly it's 'What is that fluttering feeling you get inside' and 'How am I supposed to please her if I cant give her nothing.'" He continued bitterly. He coughed a couple of times and made a sour face. "Hope you don't intend on smoking here…something about it makes the tobacco taste something awful." She wasn't really listening anymore.

"He asked those things?" Her eyes had fallen on the garden, which, she couldn't help but notice was quite dead. She felt a slight pang of sympathy, which turned, sickly into slight sorrow.

"Oh yes…and those aren't going to be the worst neither. When the master starts reflectin on stuff like that his minds wandering. And that's never a good thing."

She looked back towards the stables as Death lead Binky out. Albert hung his last bit of clothing on the wrack and nodded to Elizabeth and then to his master.

"Well, that's it. I'm going to check on the bee hives…don't want too much black honey mounting up. Not that I'll find any use for it around the house." He added as he trudged off.

HAND ME YOUR WALKING STICK. Death said as he extended his skeletal fingers. She gave it to him.

"What happened to your garden?" Elizabeth asked as he tied the walking stick up atop Binky.

IT DIED, I'M AFRAID. I HAVE TRIED TO REPLANT IT, BUT FLOWERS DON'T LAST LONG IN MY COMPANY DOWN IN THE WORLD. He said. There was a slight edge to his voice that suggested that he was unhappy.

"I can get you more, if you like."

THANK YOU. He finished and offered her his hand to help her up.

"I don't _have_ to go now…you know." She said quietly.

AH, BUT IT IS GETTING LATE, AND YOUR DRESS IS UNCOMFORTABLE…AND YOUR LEG IS BOTHERING YOU. He said, as he tilted his head. THAT IS WHAT YOU SAID.

"Yes…but…you wanted to show me around a little…I'm sure there's more to see then just the winter garden…and no time passes here after all…my leg could do with a bit of exercise. And the dress…well it is a little uncomfortable admittedly…"

I THINK IN THE CIRCUMSTANCES IT WOULD BE A BIT INNAPPROPRIATE. Death said as he leaned towards her.

"I don't want to go back." She said as she took his still outstretched hand, carefully in hers. Death eyed it.

YOU DO NOT HAVE TO HUMOR ME, ELIZABETH.

"I'm not. I mean it…show me everything you wanted to."

I SUPPOSE…IF YOU ARE CERTAIN. He started to untie the walking stick again.

"Don't worry about it. It'll just get in the way." She said as she curled her arm around his. He eyed her, a bit puzzled, but let go of the walking stick and slowly started to lead her back into the yard.

WHAT IS IT YOU WANT ME TO SHOW YOU? He mumbled.

"What else is there to see?" She asked as she eyed him carefully.

WELL…I SUPPOSE I COULD SHOW YOU THE LAKE AND THE BOATHOUSE. I CANNOT IMAGINE YOU WOULD WANT TO GO OUT ON IT THOUGH.

"Actually…I do get a bit sea sick…"

YES…I THOUGHT YOU MIGHT. She frowned.

"I do." She said a little edgily. "My mother's family used to have to come to see us because they lived overseas."

AH. I APPOLOGIZE. Death said. I SUPPOSE I ASSUMED IT WAS AN EXCUSE.

"Well perhaps you shouldn't."

I DID NOT MEAN TO OFFEND YOU. ONLY AT DINNER, AFTER THE WAITER GAVE US OUR WINE, HE ASKED US IF WE WANTED A SECOND COURSE AND HAPPENED TO MENTION THEIR SEA FOOD, AND YOU SAID YOU WERE DEATHLY ALLERGIC.

"So…I might be…" She said, a little guiltily.

YES…I RECALL YOU MENTIONED OYSTERS ESPECIALLY. A COUPLE OF TIMES. I'M NOT ENTIRELY SURE HE EVEN MENTIONED THEM.

"Er…well…a lot of people are allergic to seafood…it's a very common allergy."

I AM SURE IT IS. ESPECIALLY OYSTERS.

"Well, you never know. I've never tried them…they might not agree with me." She said, her guilt had turned into almost wretched amusement. It was the sort that surfaced after you realized that you had made a bit of a fool of yourself and could now either get angry or upset about it or laugh. "How did you know I was lying anyways?" She asked after a moment.

WELL, YOU SEEMED QUITE HAPPY WITH THE PRAWNS, WHICH ARE IN FACT A KIND OF SEA FOOD, I'M AFRAID.

"Damn…I forgot about them."

YOU KNOW, THERE IS NO WIND HERE. THE WATER ON THE LAKE WILL BE ENTIRELY STILL. Death said after a few moments of silence.

"No waves?"

NO.

"All right…technically, there shouldn't be a problem without any waves."

XXX

Elizabeth looked at the murky black water nervously.

"These boats float do they?"

OF COURSE. THIS IS THE FUNCTION OF A BOAT. He said as he stepped into one of the small boats in the dark boathouse and offered her his hand.

"Yes, but most boats aren't made of bones…to say this is full of holes is an understatement." Nevertheless she took his hand and stepped into it carefully. She was fascinated, although not exactly surprised at the fact that the water wasn't coming through. She sat down with care, frowning as the skirt of her dress poofed up on either side of her.

Death, still standing, took a row, which also looked suspiciously skeletal and rowed carefully towards the middle of the lake. As he did, Elizabeth dipped her hand into the water. As she withdrew it she watched as black water trickled through her fingers. She shivered a little. He must have seen it because he stopped, letting the boat come to a halt and eyed her.

ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?

"Fine…but…do you think you could sit down?"

CERTAINLY. He said, as he sat down carefully and set the row aside. There was a moment of silence. THIS IS ALL RIGHT IS IT? I HEARD THAT IT WAS SOMEWHAT CUSTOMARY ON THESE SORTS OF OCCASIONS. Elizabeth smiled a little.

"Yes…I suppose…although I can't think of anyone who's actually done it. Also…er…with the way you were rowing…I feel as if I should be lying on my back with my arms crossed. No offense."

AH. I APPOLOGIZE. IT IS THE ONLY WAY I HAVE EVER ROWED A BOAT. I SUPPOSE IT IS A BIT INAPPROPRIATE NOW THAT I THINK OF IT.

"Can I ask you something?" She asked as her gaze fell on him.

YOU MAY NOT GET AN ANSWER.

"Fine. Before when you said you could be retired if you didn't do your job…I mean…I suppose…if I died you _would_ do your job…wouldn't you?" She asked carefully.

I…ER…I AM AFRAID…I CANNOT ANSWER THAT QUESTION.

"Ah…fair enough." She said as she looked away again, towards the dark horizon. Death eyed her for a few moments.

Elizabeth felt the boat rock gently and she turned back towards him to find that he had moved closer to her.

TO BE HONEST…I CANNOT ANSWER BECAUSE I AM NOT SURE. He said, his skeletal hand wrapped around the edge of the boat.

"Your not sure?"

NO…I HAVE TOLD YOU THAT I WAS RETIRED BEFORE, DID I NOT?

"You mentioned it…you didn't go into detail."

WELL…FOR A LITTLE WHILE I WAS NOT DEATH. IT WAS ODD. I FELT TIME MOVING PAST AND I WAS ABLE, VERY BRIEFLY TO FEEL…FEAR AND LONGING, HAPPINESS. I EVEN HAD A NAME. BILL DOOR. Elizabeth smiled.

"Ah yes, Bill Door."

THEN I WAS DEATH AGAIN…AND IT WAS HARD TO REMEMBER WHAT IT WAS LIKE. I SUPPOSE IT IS SILLY REALLY…

"What is?" Elizabeth asked as she eyed him kindly.

WHEN I AM WITH YOU…IT IS ALMOST AS IF I CAN REMEMBER. IT IS LIKE…WARMTH.

Death eyed the gold of the cornfields in the distance as he said this. Elizabeth watched him softly. There was a distinctive fluttering feeling in her stomach. She raised her hand to touch his, but hesitated, as he turned back towards her.

WE SHOULD RETURN TO SHORE. He said. I WILL TRY TO ROW IN A DIFFERENT MANNER. She nodded slowly as she set her hand in her lap.

XXX

BACK THERE IS THE ROSE GARDEN. Death said as they walked along, arm in arm. AND THERE IS THE FORMAL POND OF DREADFUL NIGHT AND THE WOOD OF SILENCE.

Elizabeth tilted her head as they passed these sights and smiled a little.

"Catchy. What's that one?"

THE LAWN OF PITILESS INFINITY…AND TENNIS.

"Why is it called that?" Elizabeth asked while laughing softly.

BECAUSE IT IS SOMETIMES USED FOR TENNIS.

"Ah." Elizabeth watched as the path branched off and spun around what looked like a swirling pool of light. "What's that?"

THE WELL OF SOULS. BELIEVE ME, YOU WOULD NOT LIKE IT. Elizabeth continued to watch it as they passed by. As she did a few tufts of light raised lazily from the abyss and then returned.

"What's it for?" She asked nervously.

IT IS…SOMEWHAT LIKE A RIVER OF SOULS…GENERALLY YOU CAN HEAR THE LAST WORDS OF THOSE WHO HAVE DIED FROM THE DEPTHS OF THE WELL.

"Your right, I don't think I would like it."

AND OF COURSE, THERE IS THE HILL OF NIGHT. He said as he nodded towards the dark hill, which looked over the rows and rows of corn.

"Lets go up there."

YOU'VE BEEN UP THERE. Death said as he turned to her.

"So, I'd like to see it again." He nodded.

VERY WELL.

He led her once again up the dark hill. They went slowly because climbing in her dress and with her bad leg was a bit of a trial. When they reached the top, Death gently let go of her arm as she limped slowly towards the edge and looked at the harvest.

"So is this from your time retired too?"

YES…I SPENT IT ON A FARM. Death looked sideways at Elizabeth, whose head was tilted slightly. She was regarding with a sort of affectionate look that he was not particularly accustomed to. I HAVE HAD…QUITE A NICE TIME WITH YOU THIS EVENING, ELIZABETH. He said softly as he looked into her eyes.

"Me too." She paused briefly before taking his shoulders and pulling him near her. She kissed him softly on the cheekbone and then, shakily wrapped her arms around his midsection. Death blinked down at her, surprised and curiously contented as she rested her head against his ribcage.

Death put his arms around her in the manner of someone who was unaccustomed to embrace and for a moment the glow left his eye sockets.

XXX

SSC: Thank you : ) Good to hear. I try to keep characters as IC as I can.

VenG: Thanks : ) I actually didn't know that Quirmian was actually French. I had my suspicions, but I wasn't sure until I translated something from Hogfather. That made things a lot easier for me.

Abby: Well it's good to hear that it bodes…it was supposed to.

Iocus: Yeah…I hate soap operas. This chapter had a bit more fluff and angst in it…but I have t admit I kind of hate the stuff sometimes. As for the gift. I was sort of hinting at a Joye of Snacks sort of thing with that.

Loverdoll: I'm glad you like her : ) Yes, she could have been more embarrassing…Oo she definitely could have. I'd like to be married to him too. . 

Semi automatic Bunny: Yup, he sure is. As for the death of the blonde…it was foreshadowing, sorry…but if it helps at all, I do hate tragedies…and I don believe I've ever written one.

Fumblepaws: Writing a fic about Vetinari would be difficult. He has an extremely difficult personality and there aren't any books that are just about him. It would certainly be a challenge.


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16:

_Now, hear the forest talking insects and birds_

_Does the scent of soil and beast bring the life in to the animal you hide_

_It's a great illusion one never knows_

_When you think you're really alone,_

_feel the eyes of someone looking in on you_

_Cradle forest- Akira Yamaoka_

* * *

When they returned to the cottage, Nanny Ogg was at the door. Elizabeth tried to ignore the fact that she was smiling. But then, she was almost always smiling. Death descended and gave her his hands.

"Well…thank you…for a nice evening." Elizabeth said with some embarrassment.

YOU ARE QUITE WELCOME. Death said. ER…IT WOULD BE PLEASANT IF YOU WOULD JOIN ME AGAIN SOME TIME.

He said, still holding onto her hands. She smiled.

"Ahem." Nanny Ogg cleared her throat as she approached them. "Esme and Agnes are here, dear, so best not to keep them waiting. Esme told me it'd be appropriate for you to come in too, sir…if you're not too busy like."

I AM ALWAYS TOO BUSY. BUT I IMAGINE I CAN SPARE SOME TIME.

"Good. Because Esme also told me she weren't going to take no fer an answer, I've got tea brewin."

XXX

"Good evening sir." Esme said while nodding, as they entered the kitchen. Agnes was serving the tea and in the center of the table was a plate of biscuits.

GOOD EVENING, MISTRESS WEATHERWAX.

"Please have a seat." Death cast Elizabeth a brief, inquiring look, which she responded to with a one-shouldered shrug. She sat down, adjusting her massive skirt as she did and saw him do the same out of the corner of her eye.

"Gytha."

"Comin Esme." Nanny Ogg said as she bustled up to the table and pulled up a chair. "Tea here Agnes."

"Okay then." Esme continued, after Nanny had added several teaspoons of sugar to her cup and had helped herself to almost half of the biscuits. "I been monitoring the forest almost nightly since Mrs. Door was moved here, been catchin a few glimpses of two figures moving about. It's a bit hard to make em out though because none of the animals want to get near them."

"Liz, pass the margarine…nope, not that one…it's the funny shaped one…" Elizabeth handed Nanny Ogg the margarine. It was in a somewhat rude shaped container.

"Anyways…" Granny went on while giving Gytha a sharp look. "Supposin that one is our zombie friend, that still leaves the other. He aint human, I could tell by the smell of him."

"Er…the smell of him?" Elizabeth asked, while watching Nanny apply margarine to her biscuits with something like horrified fascination. She was tired and wasn't quite sure why she was sitting here now…It had been a long evening…but then…it hadn't really had it? They'd gone to dinner and a show, and everything after added up to the blink of an eye and not even that. She could have spent several days with him and still could have been back by ten o' clock.

"Esme practices or rather…" Nanny continued after catching the look on Esme's face. "Has mastered the art of borrowin. It's where you ride in the mind of an animal."

Agnes, who had been going around the table and pouring tea, paused when she got to Death, and for a moment she stood there holding a cup and the kettle uncertainly.

"Er…"

"Don't just stand there, girl. Pour our guest some tea." Granny said. Filled a cup up and set it in front of him carefully. "That's good manners."

THANK YOU.

Shed nodded awkwardly and moved onto Elizabeth.

"The dead don't worry animals too much…" Esme continued. "But whatever else is out there aint human. Human shaped…but not human."

"You said it was an auditor didn't you?" Elizabeth asked, while looking at her husband, who she saw, had taken a biscuit.

YES. I AM QUITE CERTAIN THAT THIS IS THE CASE. He said.

"Oh we don't get any of them around here. Verence is decent enough to make sure of that." Nanny said happily. "Want a biscuit Liz, made em myself…well, they were made usin my kitchen anyways." Elizabeth shook her head.

NO, NOT YOUR AUDITORS. THEY ARE…" He twirled a skeletal hand absently. INSPECTORS OF THE UNIVERSE.

"The universe has got auditors?" Agnes asked as she sat down.

"Don't like the sound o' that." Esme said. "Them people have no regard for personal space…act as if they own everything."

YES. IT IS NOT MUCH DIFFERENT IN THIS CASE. EXCEPT THAT THEY DO NOT UNDERSTAND THE CONCEPT OF PERSONAL SPACE. MOSTLY THEY MAKE SURE THE UNIVERSE RUNS PROPERLY AND THEY SEE HUMANITY AS AN UNFORTUNATE NUISANCE.

"So there really is no difference." Nanny said as she chewed on a biscuit. "Any way we can get rid of them?"

I AM AFRAID NOT.

"So this thing in Lancre is one of your auditors?" Granny said, while eyeing the table in contemplation.

AN AUDITOR WHO HAS INCARNATED. THEY CAN BECOME HUMAN…ALMOST HUMAN. IN THIS STATE THEY ARE EXPENDABLE. I IMAGINE THIS ONE IS ALONE.

"If they're supposed to be running the universe why're they trying to murder your wife?" Granny asked sharply while turning back to Death. "Seems to me things like this shouldn't be allowed to do that sort of thing."

OH YES…IT IS MOST CERTAINLY AGAINST THE RULES. BUT…WELL…YOU SEE…IN THE UNIVERSE…THE CESSATION OF THE LIFE OF ONE INDIVIDUAL…WHEN SET AGAINST ETERNITY…HAS HARDLY THE EFFECT OF A STONE THROWN INTO THE OCEAN. IT WILL GO UNNOTICED.

"Then why bother?" Agnes asked, while casting Elizabeth a brief look. She was looking somewhat morose.

WHILE IT IS ACCURATE TO SAY THAT THEY HAVE NO CONCERNS OVER ENDING HER EXISTENCE…THAT THE WORD MURDER HAS NOT EVEN ENTERED THEIR MINDS…BECAUSE ANYTHING WITH AN END IS INSIGNIFICANT…THEY ARE QUITE CERTAIN THAT WHILE NO ONE IS LIKELY TO FIND THE STONE, THE RIPPLES ARE CERTAIN TO SPREAD OVER A GREAT DISTANCE.

"What ripples?" Esme asked.

EXCUSE ME?

"You're talking about ripples, what have they got to do with anything?"

ER…WHEN YOU THROW A STONE THERE ARE RIPPLES. Death said a little bemusedly.

"What has that got to do with anything?" Esme said with some annoyance.

IT IS A METAPHOR MISTRESS WEATHERWAX.

"Oh…one of them…don't hold with metaphors. Things meaning other things. Why can't things just mean what they're meant to mean?"

WHAT? I ONLY MEANT…THAT WHILE HER DEATH IS NOT THEIR CONCERN THE EFFECTS WILL BE SIGNIFICANT. Death said a little wearily.

"Well you should've said."

SORRY.

"What if they skip?" Nanny Ogg asked after some thought.

PARDON?

"The stones…what if they skip? Had a young man who could skip stones…got pretty good at it…course I could outskip him, but I didn't let on because he was trying to impress me."

Death looked at Elizabeth helplessly, who was watching the whole seen with gloomy amusement.

"He's just saying that they're trying to kill me to get to him." Elizabeth said. "They can fire him if he doesn't do his job properly."

"But aint he death? How can anyone fire him? That'd be chaos."

THEY WOULD REPLACE ME WITH A DEATH WHO WOULD BE MORE…CONVENIENT TO THEM. IT IS NOT AS FAR FETCHED AS IT SOUNDS. AT THE MOMENT THEY SEE ME AS A THREAT BECAUSE THEY KNOW THAT I WOULD TRY TO STOP THEM IF THEY ATTEMPTED TO RID THE WORLD OF LIVING THINGS THAT CREATE DISORDER.

"Sounds nasty to me." Granny said. "Why haven't they been stopped?"

THEY ANSWER ONLY TO THE HIGHEST AUTHORITY…AND AZRIEL IS FAR TOO BUSY TO BE CONCERNED WITH MATTERS SUCH AS THIS.

"So they just do what they want?"

NOT PRECISELY. THEY ARE UNCOMFORTABLE WITH DISPOSING OF HER THEMSELVES, WHICH IS WHY THEY HAVE HIRED THE SERVICES OF ANOTHER.

"To kill her? And they expect that you'll refuse to do your job if they succeed?"

ER…YES…

"Oh." Esme eyed Elizabeth for a moment. "Well…I aint going to ask about that…because it seems to me it's something personal between the two of you." She stood. "It's getting late…incidentally, you'll be moved to Agnes' tomorrow, so you'd better do some packing." Elizabeth nodded.

"Are we done here Esme?" Nanny asked as she sucked at her tea.

"For now…but I'll keep my eyes open…or someone's in any case…and I expect you to do the same." Granny eyed Agnes briefly. "You sure you want her staying with you?"

"I'm certain I can handle it, thank you." Agnes said with a sigh.

"Fine, as long as your 'certain.'"

After Granny and Agnes had left, Nanny Ogg sat down at her table with a sigh and smiled at Elizabeth and Death, both of who had not moved from the table. She pulled a clear glass bottle out of a pocket on her apron and poured a little in her tea.

"Want some. 'S scumble. Made from apples…well mainly apples."  
"No thanks." Elizabeth replied. She rose from the table. "I'm getting out of this dress and going to bed. Er." She turned to Death, who rose from his chair. For a moment, due to tiredness, Elizabeth felt the urge to laugh, as the being that encompassed the ultimate certainty stood from a worn kitchen chair, with a biscuit clutched in his bony hand.

"I'll see you soon?" She asked.

YES. ER…He cast Nanny Ogg a brief look before returning his gaze to Elizabeth. He had a nervous air about him. I THOUGHT PERHAPS…ER…WOULD YOU LIKE TO HAVE…DAMN…IT IS THE MEAL BEFORE SUPPER.

"Lunch?" Elizabeth asked, fascinated.

YES…ER…RIGHT. WOULD YOU LIKE TO HAVE LUNCH WITH ME TOMORROW?

"Okay…not another Quirmian restaurant I hope. Not that tonight wasn't lovely." She added quickly.

ACTUALLY I THOUGHT…ER…THE FOOD IS PLACED IN A CONTAINER… Elizabeth looked at him blankly. IT IS EATEN WHILE SITTING ON THE GROUND?

"A picnic?" Elizabeth asked, as another burst of dark weary induced humor bubbled up inside her.

_Dear god…Death is asking me to have a picnic. This doesn't happen. At least not in a sane world. _

YES. I HAVE HEARD THAT IT IS A FITTING ACTIVITY IN THESE CIRCUMSTANCES. He said, while looking both nervous and hopeful.

"Ah…well…all right. A picnic then."

GOOD. I WILL SEE YOU TOMORROW.

"Yes."

He snapped his fingers and was gone.

Elizabeth gave Nanny Ogg a dark look when she heard a chuckle coming from the woman's direction.

"I suppose I don't have to wonder where he got that idea."

"I might have mentioned a few occasions where it has worked for me. Pleasant sunny afternoon, a handsome young man, a bottle of wine. We always brought carrots and oysters too."

"Oh gods. And what are the carrots for…though I may regret asking?"

"Carrots so you can see in the dark. Oysters so you gots something to look at." She said with a wink.

"I thought it was a sunny afternoon."

"Well we always made it a _long_ afternoon. Incidentally how did you like the cake?"

"I accidentally dropped it at a hundred feet." Nanny Ogg smiled.

"Aren't you ever ashamed of yourself?" Elizabeth asked.

"Nothin to be ashamed of. It were a good recipe. I was careful about the ingredients. Here I'll show you." She stood and went to the kitchen. When she came back she was holding a battered book.

"Here. Page 15."

Elizabeth took the book cautiously and read. She pursed her lips.

"Well?"

"If I had known I would have dropped it from much higher…into the ocean probably." Elizabeth turned the page and after reading a couple lines reddened slightly and turned the page again. "Dear god! These actually work?"

"Yup. Which one are you reading?" She asked as she looked over the page. She cackled. "Got quite a few letters over that one!"

"_I'd_ sure as hell'd complain if that happened."

"Wouldn't bet on that dear, don't get many complaints actually."

"I find that hard to believe." She said as she turned to another page.

"Wanna see the letters?"

"That's all right." Elizabeth said with a sarcastic laugh as she turned to another page. Nanny Ogg smiled at her.

"Why don't you keep this copy. I still got all of the original recipes."

"No…that's all right."

"Go on. It's a gift. You may get some use out of it…not everything in there…no wait…yup…it all is…but as long as you pay attention to portions its harmless. Mind, you don't want to keep it with other books because they tend to catch fire."

"Mrs. Ogg I really doubt that I…"

"Listen, dear. If a witch offers you something you take it, right?" Elizabeth looked at her face and then nodded.

"All right. But I really really doubt I'll ever use it."

Nanny Ogg shrugged.

"Suit yourself. Incidentally, how _was_ your evening?"

"It was fine." Elizabeth said as she set the book down.

"Just fine?"

"It was…interesting."

"Oh? What'd you do?"

"Had dinner in one of those authentic Quirmian restaurants in Ankh Morpork. We went to the theatre…and then we went to his house…" She saw Nanny's smile and finished her sentence in a hurry. "Where he showed me around his yard."

"Sounds pretty dull for bein a date with Death eh?"

"You've never seen his yard." Elizabeth seemed to think about something for a moment. "Mrs. Ogg?"

"Yes dear?"

"You've been married before?"

"Quite married yes…"

"How did you…I mean…he asked me this question…I couldn't answer it. How do you know if you're in love?"

Nanny Ogg watched her for a moment until she shifted uncomfortably.

"He asked you this did he?"

"Yes."

"What did you say?"

"Nothing much…I told him I wasn't in love with him. Well…what I said was I don't think I ever could be."

"And you aren't?" Nanny asked while looking at her thoughtfully.

"No…I mean…I don't think so."

"Does your heart stop when you see him?"

"I hope not."

"With me it was always some excitement, finding someone that balanced you out and good company fer the long run…a bit o' lust doesn't hurt. Plus you can always tell when there's a spark cause you get tension…course I got pretty good at makin that up myself."

"Er…I don't know if that helps…but thanks…I suppose." She stood. "I need to get out of this damn dress."

XXX

Jerimoth was leaning against a tree in the forest, staring at a space on the other side that appeared empty in the underbrush.

"Mortal, I have been watching the witches house." The zombie put up a hand to hush the auditor as he approached.

"See that?" The auditor looked.

"What?"

"It's an owl…a hundred feet away…" Jerimoth said as he pulled Mr. Sunshine back behind the tree.

"What purpose does this owl serve?"

"Its purpose is to eat small things on the forest floor, Sunshine. It's a fucking owl. This one's been staying in the same position for three hours. It's bypassed two mice and a squirrel."

"So?"

"What were you saying about the witches?"

"They met this evening. We saw two of them walking through the forest."

"_You_ saw two of them walking through the forest. I've been watching an owl."

"This is what we…what I said."

"Was that so hard? How long ago was this?"

"A few hours. The girl remains within the house."

"A few hours eh? Stay behind this tree until I say it's all right to move." He said as he sat down. He reached into one of his ancient and decrepit pockets and pulled out something that ended in a very sharp point.

"How many ways do you suppose you can poison someone?" He asked.

"I have no answer to this question."

"We're gonna find out." He whispered as he pricked his forefinger.

XXX

Yeah, long wait…sorry. And the chapter is a bit short…and it isn't all that exciting. I was working on final projects at school and my boss has banned laptops at work…so I haven't got a chance to really write lately. I'm on break now, so I should have more time over the next couple of weeks. I'll update soon. : )

Sunset Rising: I always like to hear that my OC's aren't mary sueish and that everyone else is IC. Thank you. And thanks for reviewing :)

Iocus: Thank you : ) I'm glad you thought it was sweet. I'm trying to keep at least some aspect of the story at a logical level. I'd like it to be romantic…but in a down to earth non soap opera paper back romance sort of way.

Novocain: Thank you. Glad you liked it.

VenG: I got it from the Death's Domain Discworld map. I love his names for everything. They're silly.

Okami Lupus: Thank you. Sorry it didn't come sooner.

Twyla's Song: I doubt that. But thank you anyways : )

Loverdoll: Haha, I have to admit, I was confused by the first one. I'm glad you liked the last chapter. Reading your review made my day. I'm actually stretching the story out a teensy bit longer just so I can get them where _I_ want them to be before I go along with my planned ending. Hope this chapter wasn't too terrible.

Niceja: So sorry It's taken so long. I promise to be quicker with the next one


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17:

My heart won't break, it's locked in a safe  
There is no key, ok, ok  
The windowpanes can't stop the rain  
The wind outside, it sounds like trains  
We're so well read  
We've filled our heads with all that knowledge left for dead  
But we're still cracked, we can't relax  
'Cause all we've learned is nothing lasts

"Dotted Lines" Electric President

Jerimoth no longer slept. But sometimes, when he was bored, and he seemed to get bored quite a lot since his death, he would sort though his memories and sit with his eyes closed, seeing the past with perfect and clear lucidity.

He did this now, while sitting on the forest floor in the shade of a massive tree.

_That night, the air had been humid, in a thick sickly way and he had been drenched with sweat not two minutes after he had left his house. His hot sweaty hand had been wrapped tightly around a root. Large blackish purple berries hung on it and caught the moonlight. _

_When he got to a certain patch of trees, which did not look any different from anywhere else, he stopped and stood still for a moment, doubtful and a little uneasy. _

_Then, a shadow broke away from the trees and a woman stepped forward. . _

_"I thought you'd lose your nerve." There was slight scorn in the voice, but it was only there to mask her uncertainty. She was not gorgeous in the tongue-tying sleek sort of way, but in this light her dark hair and dark eyes and pale pale skin melded with the moonlight and the shades of night and made his heart skip a beat. _

_"No." He answered, simply. "I thought you did." _

_"It'd be silly now. If we still needed convincing." He nodded. After a moment he raised his hand and opened his palm. The girl eyed the plant for a moment then enclosed one of the berries in her shaking fingers and pulled it loose. _

_"Now that we're here…this doesn't feel so romantic. My clothes are soaked, this heat is ridiculous." She said as she eyed the berry with hesitation. _

_"It's not going to matter soon." _

_"Yeah…I guess not." _

_"Belladonna means beautiful, you know." Jerimoth said as he pulled one loose too. "It'll make your eyes dilate." _

_"That's good?" _

_"They'll be big and pretty." _

_"Your silly." She said with some derision. He eyed the berry for a moment and then after casting her another brief look he bit into it. She was watching him with wide and almost worryingly hungry eyes. _

_"How is it?" She asked. _

_"Not bad." _

"Human." Jerimoth opened his eyes with a sigh. The horrible humidity of the night faded into the horrible humidity of Lancre and the darkness of the trees…there wasn't much difference now that he came to think about it. Mr. Sunshine was standing in front of him.

"What?" He asked dully.

"The old witch has returned to her house. I thought you would want to know."

"All right. Good." He said as he stood up. Various bones cracked.

"Let's return to town."

"You aren't bringing that…stuff are you…the scent is worrying." Sunshine said as he pointed at the Nightshade.

"We'll leave it…no one will touch it…and if they do, they certainly wont get very far." He said as he headed trough the thick forest. He pulled out a knife and ran it across a tree to make the path.

"Jerimoth?"

"Hmm?" He said as he carved a notch into another one.

"How much longer will this take?"

"Be patient. I don't want to try anything with those old bitches watching. The next time we act'll be the last time."

XXX

Elizabeth had been in the process of making sure that she had everything packed, when Death arrived. Nanny appeared in Elizabeth's doorway.

"He's here, Liz." Nanny said. "Need any help?" Elizabeth looked up from her packing and shook her head.

"No…I've got everything I think." She said as she stood up.

"Is that what your wearing today, dear?"

"Yes." Elizabeth said firmly. She had returned to the rather comfortable overalls and oversized shirt she was used to. "I rather think it's more sensible if your going to be sitting on the ground all day."

"What about the hair?" It had been put into a messy ponytail and was frizzing a bit up at the top due to the humidity.

"Its fine the way it is."

"Is your nails still painted?"

"Most of it's peeled off." Elizabeth said happily as she headed into the kitchen. Nanny followed after her.

"I trust you two have got everything you need?" She said as she eyed Death who was looking as out of place as anyone could in a small kitchen. Greebo had sidled up to him and was rubbing against his cloak.

ER. I BELIEVE SO. ALBERT DID LOOK RATHER CONCERNED WHEN I ASKED HIM IF HE MIGHT CONSTRUCT A PROPER MEAL FOR A PICNIC. Death said as he cast his gaze to Elizabeth and raised a rather large circular basket. It was rather worn. HE HAD TO LIE DOWN AFTERWARDS.

"Well, just in case I packed you a little something myself, and don't look at me like that dear, it's all perfectly harmless." She said as she swept past a gloomy Elizabeth.

"Some things a picnic should not be without." Elizabeth sighed, but took the rather heavy parcel from Nanny anyways.

"What's in it?'

"It's a surprise."

"I can't wait." She said, sounding slightly depressed. "Let me get my walking stick and then we can go."

Binky watched Elizabeth intelligently as she placed her walking stick with the massive picnic basket and Nanny's parcel and mounted after Death. The air felt heavy. Elizabeth found herself smiling with some amusement. What had Nanny said? A glass of wine a handsome man and a bright sunny day? Well, it looked like rain and the best you could say about Death was that he had a nice bone structure. She supposed she could still hope for the glass of wine.

"Where are we going?" She asked while trying to ignore th distant sound of thunder.

YOU WILL SEE. He replied.

XXX

She figured out where they were going before they got there. She recognized the mountain tops and the long smooth and above all flat land, dotted here and there with trees and overgrown grass. Like a scar, the canyon cut into it. After being in Lancre for a couple months it looked rather less deep then she remembered. She was home.

Still, when they landed in a patch of well-kept grass (She kept this bit cut down because she came to visit it so often) by the canyon's edge Elizabeth dismounted, careful to grab Jason's walking stick as she did and limped over to the edge to look at it.

I THOUGHT YOU MIGHT LIKE TO VISIT. Death said as he dismounted and took the basket off of the horse. GO AND EAT SOME GRASS BINKY.

Elizabeth breathed out. It was like coming home after a long vacation…only not quite, because vacations tended to not be spent worrying about strange gray things conspiring to murder you.

She turned and eyed Death as he pulled a blanket out of the basket.

"The ground's all right here. We don't need that."

IT IS A PICNIC ELIZABETH. He said. THERE MUST BE A BLANKET. Elizabeth raised her eyebrow but decided not to argue.

After he had spread out the blanket and they had both sat down Elizabeth pulled the basket towards her and inspected it.

"Dear god." She said, after a moment. "I didn't know sausages could have so much fat on them."

YES…HE DOES GET RATHER ENTHUSIASTIC ABOUT FRYING THINGS, I'M AFRAID. Death said while eyeing her thoughtfully.

"What did Mrs. Ogg give us?" Elizabeth asked while searching through the other artery clogging items in Albert's picnic basket.

IT WOULD APPEAR TO BE A PARCEL CONTAINING CARROTS, OYSTERS…AND SOME DRINK WHICH SMELLS VAGUELLY OF APPLES. Death hesitated. WHY CARROTS?

Elizabeth sighed.

"It isn't as if it's even dark out." She said bitterly. "Lets have the scumble then."

XXX

Elizabeth wasn't entirely sure how a picnic with Death would go. He wasn't a common factor when a person planned a picnic…of course he wasn't a common factor in anything people _planned. _That was rather the point. You couldn't plan. But still…to even consider his presence…it would have to be a really unfortunate picnic.

WOULD YOU LIKE ANOTHER SAUSAGE?

"No thanks…I still feel greasy from the last one." She said as she took a bite out of a carrot and tried not to think of it in terms of improving her eyesight. She took a drink of the scumble, and shuddered.

"My dad used to make something like this." Elizabeth said as she took another drink. (It was the sort of drink that tasted like something a person might keep under the sink for nasty clogs, but at the same time, after about an hour, for some inexplicable reason, the jug would be empty and the drinkers, if they were still upright, would be peering into the depths confusedly)

"I got into it when I was about ten and I spent almost three weeks in bed." She set the jug down and looked up at the gray sky briefly when she heard a distant rumble. "We're going to get rained out, you know." She said in conversational tones.

YES, I HAVE ALWAYS THOUGHT THAT WEATHER IS A VERY POORLY PLANNED OUT PHENOMENON.

Elizabeth gazed momentarily into her canyon as she took another drink of scumble against her better judgment. It was always a lovely reddish purple color in the summer and dotted with patches of greenery wherever there was a piece of outthrust earth.

Beside her, Death was examining the contents of Nanny Ogg's picnic basket. For the most part they had left the oysters alone. Elizabeth had tried one, experimentally and then had carefully placed it half eaten beside her and ignored it. It was slimy and tasted of seawater. She wondered vaguely how this figured into the whole aphrodisiac thing.

There was another roll of thunder, this time closer up and strong wind blew through the fields, making the fields of expansive overgrown grass sway wildly.

Elizabeth sighed.

"What exactly are you supposed to do on picnics? Aside from eat, I mean." She had had rather enough of that as it was. The oysters were pretty awful and Albert's cooking gave the eater the distinct feeling that their life had been shortened somewhat.

ER…I THINK MUSIC AND POETRY FIGURE INTO THINGS SOMEWHERE. Death said a little awkwardly.

"Well, let's just assume that we can by pass that." Elizabeth said carefully.

IT IS JUST AS WELL. I DO NOT KNOW MANY POEMS AND I AM INCAPABLE OF PRODUCING MUSIC.

There was a momentary silence.

"The wind's getting up."

YES.

Elizabeth tapped her fingers on her thighs as an uncomfortable silence arose between them. Beside her, on the ground a rather bedraggled looking dandelion faced the canyon. She picked it and eyed it thoughtfully.

"You know…when we were at your house, I'm pretty certain I saw one or two of these." Elizabeth said as she set it down on the blanket.

YES…THEY ARE ALL OVER THE ORCHARD. ALBERT OFFERED TO GET RID OF THEM BUT I DID NOT LET HIM. She smiled at him vaguely.

"I'm surprised you got them to grow." Her head was buzzing a little, she imagined that it was the scumble…or it might have been the sausage.

The first few raindrops began to fall. Elizabeth felt them on the back of her neck and hands like tiny, sharp kisses.

"It's going to start pouring in a minute."

I SUPPOSE WE SHOULD GET GOING THEN. WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE TO YOUR HOUSE BEFORE WE RETURN?

"Yes…I was going to ask anyways." Elizabeth said.

XXX

Despite the speed in which they arrived at the tiny house, Elizabeth still found herself soaked as she mounted the peeling stairs. Death wasn't soaked, but this didn't surprise her. He seemed to walk around the raindrops. Or perhaps they fell around him.

Elizabeth kneeled to take the key from out of the space under the loose floorboard in the porch and, when she found it empty cursed briefly.

"Oh damn. I took both keys with me. They're back in Lancre."

She said as she stood up.

Death shrugged.

WE CAN GO THROUGH THE WALL.

"I cant." Elizabeth said. "It's a wall."

IT'S MERELY A MATTER OF PERSPECTIVE.

She gave him a look before continuing.

"Why don't _you _go through the wall and unlock the door from the inside."

ER…

"I'll talk you through it." He hesitated for a moment before heading through the door. Elizabeth waited for a few minutes before addressing him.

"Do you see the lock?"

ER…I THINK SO.

"Just undo the chain and slide the latch."

There was some brief scrabbling and then Death's head and shoulders came through the door. Elizabeth took a step back. She wasn't used to seeing someone coming partway through a wall.

HOW DO YOU UNDO THE CHAIN?

"Lift it out of the catch."

He disappeared again. She waited, listening to the rain on the roof, pounding down on the ancient wood.

She heard a meow by her feet. She looked down into a set of yellow eyes.

"Hullo, long time no see." The cat watched her curiously.

OH DAMN. She heard from inside.

"What's the matter?"

ER NOTHING.

"Did you get it?"

YOU KNOW IT REALLY IS QUITE MESSY IN HERE.

Elizabeth sighed.

"Did you get the chain?"

I THINK SO. ER…IS IT SUPPOSED TO BE ATTACHED TO THE DOOR?

"Yeah."

AH…ER…I THINK I MAY HAVE BROKEN IT.

"Never mind, just get the latch." The cat nuzzled up against her and then set heavily on her boot and began to clean itself.

UM…THIS THING…IT IS A SORT OF METAL.

"What?"

THERE IS A TINY KNOB.

"Pull it to the left."

YOUR LEFT OR MINE?

"Yours." Elizabeth said wearily. _I should have tried to walk through the wall. _

There was a click. Elizabeth waited a moment before trying the doorknob. The door swung inwardly. Before Elizabeth could enter the cat darted in ahead of her.

"Well done."

ER…SORRY ABOUT YOUR CHAIN. He said as he handed it to her.

"I'm sure I can fix it." She gave him a wan smile before stepping into the dark of the room. She closed the door behind her.

The house creaked slightly as the wind blew over it. Elizabeth made a mental note to get the wood mended on the outside before the summer ended. If she ever made it back before the summer ended that was.

Still, despite the fact that it was creaking and that she was cold and wet and the fact that she needed a new lock, she was feeling content. It was still home…even if it was in disrepair.

"I'm going to light a couple of lamps." She said. "Hopefully it's not too drafty in here. Would you like something to drink?"

I WOULD NOT OBJECT TO IT. He said. After she had gone he sat down on the couch, moving a few stray pages aside as he did and eyed the room briefly. By the window, the easel that had once held the painting of him stood empty. He reminded himself to ask her about it. He didn't think he'd ever seen the finished piece.

XXX

Elizabeth halted in the process of making tea and thought for a moment. After the pause she went to one of the cupboards and opened it. She fished around in the back, which was filled with cobwebs and other things that congregated in a cupboard when it was hardly ever used until she found what she wanted. She withdrew two dust covered wine glasses and set them carefully on the counter.

When had her parents last used these? She couldn't remember.

She sighed. She had a distinct feeling that she wasn't much better then he was at romance. It was probably because she was practical. You couldn't plan romance. Otherwise it wouldn't work.

Still, a part of her felt like she owed it to him.

She cleaned out the glasses and then disappeared into her father's wine cellar. After fumbling briefly in the darkness she found a box of matches and lit one.

It wasn't an impressive wine cellar. There were only three racks, which had six or seven bottles left between them. The rest of it was covered in boxes of empty bottles, piles of corks, bottle openers and a lot of other useless junk. Her dad had kept everything that her mother didn't like down in the wine cellar. She'd taken the important stuff out. Everything that was truly his.

Elizabeth selected a rather old looking bottle of wine and headed back up the stairs.

When she reached the kitchen she started to grab at the lamps and then thought better of it. She pulled a drawer open. It was full of candle stubs. (Like her father, Elizabeth didn't throw away much of anything. This might have been hereditary, but more likely it was because she was an artist. Artist tend to accumulate a lot of useless junk. Some people think it's because they don't have the same concept of worth as other people do, but this isn't true. It's because anything that's worth anything in the presence of an artist generally winds up getting sold, whereas junk lasts forever) Elizabeth selected three of these. They were the ones that were melted down the least. Then, she returned to the living room where Death was waiting.

He watched her in a puzzled manner as she set one of the glasses in front of him and then slipped the candles carefully into some cheep metal holders.

She pulled out a box of matched and began to light them. It took a little while because the matches from the cellar were quite old and her hand was shaking slightly.

After that, she made an attempt to open the wine.

ELIZABETH…

"I don't know much about wine, so I just grabbed the bottle with the most dust on it." She said and cursed under her breath as she dropped the opener.

THIS IS SUFFICIENT. He said as he took the bottle from her gently. Elizabeth retrieved the opener and started to hand it to him when there was an audible pop. She straightened, ignoring the hiss from the cat as it ran from the flying cork, which had landed a foot away from it.

"How the hell did you manage that?" She asked as she eyed the bottle.

IT IS RATHER SIMPLE. IT IS ONLY A MATTER OF PRESSURE.

"No, I mean…how did you manage to not spill any of it?" She said as she poured her some.

THAT WOULD RATHER BE A WASTE WOULD IT NOT?

"Er right yea…" She took a sip from her glass and eyed him over the brim. It was good wine.

XXX

I wrote part of this chapter on notebook paper at work because I had loads of free time this morning. No one gets up early on New Years to go to a coffee shop. I'm operating on a lack of sleep so I'm not certain how it came out.

Iocus: Thank you. I hope you had a good Christmas and New Years too. No, I don't like tragedies…usually. I haven't killed anyone important off in a fanfic yet…well a few villains probably…but you know, they deserved it.

Loverdoll: Course she will. How can you depict Nanny Ogg as anything else? I'm glad you think the story's believable. That's important to me. I'll get over not being able to use my laptop. I'll just write…and draw and read. It's ALWAYS slow in the winter where I work. No one comes in. I'm glad you like my pics as well. To be honest I can't get her right. I have a cartoony like style so it's kinda hard to. That's not really how I picture her. I'd love to see your picture if you don't mind.

Okami Lupus: Yeah, they were pain. It's nice not having to do stuff for a while though. Thanks for the review, glad you like it : )

VenG: Glad you liked it : )


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18:

_And the wine made our minds too loose  
Such a reckless choice of words  
And you tell me that I'm too abstruse  
I just thought I was a kind of bird  
I just stood there not saying a word  
Not saying a word_

_-Andrew Bird "Spare-ohs"_

* * *

Elizabeth refilled her glass and sat back against the couch. She had changed into some dry clothing and had taken her shoes off so that she might be more comfortable. Death was sitting stiffly beside her. They had made some small conversation but neither of them was very good at it so the last hour had been filled mostly with long periods of silence, defined by the rain which was pounding against the house and the porch and the grandfather clock ticking seconds away.

"I imagine your horse is all right." Elizabeth said as thunder rolled outside. Her head was beginning to fill with the warm haze of slight drunkenness and she could feel her thoughts growing fuzzy around the edges.

OF COURSE. Death said, while eyeing her briefly. WHY DO YOU ASK?

"I think I heard the stable door fly off. I hope my house can stand up against this." She added as an afterthought.

IT WILL PASS SOON I IMAGINE.

"Seemed to be quieting down for a while." Elizabeth said with a sigh.

YES.

_Weather really is small talk,_ Elizabeth thought as she brought her knees up and set her bare feet on the edge of the couch cushion. _A person knows they're in trouble when they start discussing the weather. _

She looked over at Death, whose skeletal hands were folded in his lap and smiled.

"Do you ever relax?" She asked as she took a sip of wine.

PARDON?

"You know…put your feet up…lie back…that sort of thing?"

ON OCCASION…NOT USUALLY. ER…IT IS NOT GENERALLY SOMETHING I FIND TIME FOR.

"Always vigilant." Elizabeth said while smiling into her glass.

There was a second or two of silence and then the sound of Death making an attempt at comfortable.

Elizabeth watched with amusement as he put his feet up onto the coffee table and laid back against the couch. He eyed Elizabeth briefly whose shoulders were shaking in an attempt to withhold laughter.

YOU HAVE PERHAPS HAD A BIT TOO MUCH WINE. Death said, while looking at her slightly flushed face.

"I'm fine." She said as she made an attempt to straighten her lips. "Just a little fuzshy." There was a pause as Death considered this.

YOU SLURRED. He said after a moment.

"I didn't shlur." She thought about this for a couple of seconds and then covered her mouth and eyed him with amusement and some embarrassment. Death leaned forward and took her glass from her unresisting fingers. He set it beside is own.

"It's the wine on top of that scumble." Elizabeth said, uncovering her mouth and pronouncing the words carefully. "I wonder what the alcohol level isinit."

QUITE HIGH, IF I AM ANY JUDGE.

"Certainly higher then the amount of apples ushed." Elizabeth said as she stretched and put her feet up on the coffee table next to his.

UNDOUBTABLY. Death said. He kept his face straight, but then, he didn't have much of a choice.

There was a moment of silence and then Elizabeth heard the gentle sound of some small item shifting and looked up in time to see one of the candle ends lifting slightly out of the silver holder.

_Gods, I'm even drunker then I thought. _

She leaned towards Death and tugged on his sleeve lightly.

HMM?

"You see that too, right?" Death looked where she was pointing and then nodded. "Good." She leaned forward and examined the candle briefly before taking it carefully and lifting it.

SQUEAK. The Death of Rats said guiltily as he held onto the bottom. She raised her brow.

"He says he's sorry. He can't resist a runny candle end. Rats eat them you know." Said a voice by the grandfather clock. Elizabeth looked that way and in the gloomy light could just make out the dark shape of a large black bird.

WHY ARE YOU HERE? Death asked as the Death of Rats dropped from the candle onto Elizabeth's lap. Elizabeth noticed the hint of irritation in his voice as she replaced the candle.

SQUEAK. The Death of Rats said as he stepped off of her lap and onto his.

"The servant sent us after you." Quoth said as he half hopped half flew to the top of the couch and immediately pecked at it in an absent manner. Elizabeth brushed him off.

SQUEAK SQUEAK.

"Someone stopped by, asking for ya. Big guy. Called himself Ronnie." Quothe said while landing on the coffee table and giving Elizabeth an annoyed look.

SQUEAK. The Death of Rats said, nodding.

AH. I SEE. HE IS STILL THERE? Death asked, as Elizabeth took out the small box of matches and relit the fallen candle.

SQUEAK!

"He said he was too busy to stick around for long." Quoth said. "He may be gone now…it took longer then expected to find you."

VERY WELL. THANK YOU. He looked at Elizabeth, who returned his gaze and shrugged.

PERHAPS I SHOULD SEE WHAT HE WANTS. Death said. IT IS GETTING RATHER LATE IN THE DAY. YOU WILL BE WANTING TO RETURN, I EXPECT? Elizabeth thought about this carefully.

"Well…if you have to go…I mean…it's all right."

SQUEAK? The Death of Rats jumped back onto the coffee table and leaned on a candle end. Death eyed him briefly before shaking his head.

ER…NO…I THINK NOT. TELL HIM THAT I CANNOT COME. Elizabeth looked at him with some surprise. She found, after some introspection that she was somewhat flattered by this. She was also a little worried, but the warm haze in her mind was not allowing her to inspect her concerns.

SQUEAK!?

"Er…if it's important..." Elizabeth started.

I AM SURE IT IS NOT SO IMPORTANT. Death said and met her gaze. Elizabeth held it for a few moments before looking away and coloring slightly.

She eyed the Death of Rats who was tilting his skull and peering at Death skeptically.

XXX

"I don't get it." Quothe whispered, although, because Ravens aren't very good at whispering it came out rather louder then intended. "This is significant human contact? They aren't talking and they're just staring at their feet." The Death of Rats shrugged as he eyed the both of them apprehensively. He was not well versed in the ways of human beings, but he felt that if Death was attempting some sort of human practice that he was rather going about it the wrong way.

The girl was fiddling with her fingers and eyeing the floor with some concern, her face red both from alcohol and embarrassment. Death seemed more awkward then his persona should allow. He was sitting stiffly beside her and was looking somewhat lost.

The Death of Rats eyed the candle he was leaning up against and then looked back at Death and Elizabeth.

SNH SNH SNH.

While appearing almost suspiciously nonchalant, he gave the candle an extra nudge, causing it to tip over and fall onto the floor, which was, unfortunately wood.

XXX

Elizabeth cursed and because she was not in the most clear state of mind, went to stomp it out, forgetting that she wasn't wearing shoes.

"Oh, dammit!" She said as she withdrew her bare foot from the smoking candle and grabbed it. She hissed through her teeth.

ARE YOU ALL RIGHT? Death asked. He had straightened and was watching her with some concern.

"Fine, get the candle." She hissed through her teeth. He eyed the fallen end and then stepped on it heavily so that the still burning embers which had shed from the wick went out.

"Bloody damn."

LET ME SEE. She gave him a look.

"This probably isn't your area of expertise. Nevertheless, she extended her foot awkwardly. He took it gently in his cold hands and ran his finger of the pink area where the fleshed had been seared carefully.

"So am I going to live?" She asked, while watching him with some amusement, while trying to abate the urge to shiver due to his initial touch.

HA HA, ELIZABETH. Death replied sardonically.

"I've got to hand it to you though, your hands are as good as ice." She smiled. "Still, I'd better find a bandage and soak it or something so your not holding my foot all afternoon."

As she stood she looked up at the Death of Rats who shrugged, showing her his empty bony paws as if saying 'What? I didn't do anything…it was an accident.' She returned with a look that said she didn't believe him for a second.

"I'll be right back…" She said as she limped towards the kitchen.

Death cast the Death of Rats a suspicious look.

SQUEAK. The Death of Rats said as Death leaned over to pick the candle back up.

PERHAPS YOU HAVE SOMEWHERE ELSE TO BE? Death asked as he set the end on the table. I IMAGINE THERE ARE MANY PLACES THAT REQUIRE YOUR COMPANY. DEATHS WHICH COULD BENEFIT FROM YOUR ASSISTANCE.

SQUEAK SQUEAK. The Death of Rats said while crossing his arms.

YES, BUT I AM CURRENTLY SEEING TO OTHER MATTERS. He said, the blue light in the depths of his eye sockets flashed briefly towards the kitchen.

SQUEAK? The Death of Rats asked while eyeing Death smugly.

I HARDLY THINK THAT IS ANY OF YOUR BUSINESS. He replied uncomfortably.

Death straightened when Elizabeth returned, ignoring the skeletal Rat as he made frantic motions.

She sat back down and gave the rat a puzzled look. He stopped and eyed her tentatively.

ER…HOW IS YOUR FOOT? Death asked.

"It's all right." Elizabeth said. She had tied a wet cloth around it. It was the sort of burn that was almost entirely relieved by cool water.

AH. GOOD. They were silent again. If the Rat had eyes to roll it would have.

SQUEAK! He said to Death while motioning to Elizabeth, who had looked up at him again and was watching him with her eye raised.

"What's he doing?" She asked as the rat stopped and gave her a semi exasperated look.

NOTHING. WHAT A SILLY RAT HE IS. He said as he brushed at the rat with some annoyance. The Death of Rats lost his balance and then glared at Death who had returned his gaze to Elizabeth before standing up and heading across the table. Quothe eyed him with little interest. He had pecked at a few things and had found them dull and without juicy insides and now he was just watching events in a bored manner.

The Death of Rats jumped onto the couch and crawled up to the top and then continued to walk until he was beside Death's cowl.

Elizabeth was placing the candle end back into the holder as the Rat jumped onto Death's shoulder. Death gave him a sideways look.

SQUEAK. He said, as he pointed at Elizabeth. Death reached up to brush him off, but before he could, The Death of Rats jumped down, grabbing hold of a part of Death's cloak as he did and pulled at it hard. As a result the stricken Anthropomorphic Personification was dragged slightly forwards and practically fell on Elizabeth, who reacted by grabbing onto his shoulders to steady him, the candle she had been replacing was wrenched off of the table and onto the floor where it rolled lazily to some odd corner.

The Death of Rats dropped onto the couch and then jumped back onto the coffee table. He crossed his arms again and eyed both of them impatiently.

As a result of trying to catch himself, Death found that one of his hands was curled around Elizabeth's arm, and the other was sitting on one of her legs. Elizabeth stared at him, taken aback.

ER…SORRY. He said uncomfortably as he looked over at the Death of Rats who was motioning for him to 'go on.' Elizabeth followed his gaze. The rat ceased his activity when he saw her looking. She looked again at Death who met her gaze awkwardly before removing his hands and straightened in an almost pitifully cautious manner. Her hands fell from his shoulders as he did.

"That's all right." She said kindly, feeling slightly flustered. She found that her heart was beating rather quickly.

She saw the Death of Rats kick at something with frustration out of the corner of her eye. The he grabbed his scythe, which had been leaning up against a candle end and headed towards the Raven who was shaking its head.

"Humans." Quothe said disapprovingly. "Birds are easy. We just have ter sing to attract mates…and ward off enemies of course."

SQUEAK! He said as he mounted the bird.

"Oh, so suddenly you're an expert on robins, eh? I expect you know all about them. I don't see why Ravens cant attract mates in the same way."

Quothe unfolded his wings and with a flurry of black feathers he vanished, blowing all of the candles out in the process. Elizabeth sighed.

"Don't bother." She said as Death reached for the matches. She placed a hand on his arm and pulled it back gently. "So, who's Ronnie, anyways?"

HE IS THE FIFTH RIDER. Death said. Elizabeth thought about this for a moment as she ran the fabric of Death's sleeve through her fingers. It was almost like smoke, or a sort of heavily textured darkness, which had been woven into fabric.

"I thought there were four." She said.

THERE ARE FIVE. HE WAS…SOMEWHAT RETIRED FOR A WHILE.

"How can you be somewhat retired?"

BEING A HORSEMAN IS NOT SOMETHING ONE CAN SIMPLY QUIT.

"What was he when he was…somewhat retired?"

HE WAS A MILKMAN, BUT THIS IS TRIVIAL. POSSIBLY ACTING ON A WHIM DUE TO SOME PERSONAL FANCY.

"Dairy products?" Death shrugged.

THEY ARE GOOD DAIRY PRODUCTS AND HE IS ALWAYS ON TIME. Death said. He felt her fingers tighten a little.

"It's kind of like you then, huh?" She said reflectively.

HOW SO?

"Your Death…technically that's you entire existence." Elizabeth said while examining his skull and her inner thoughts at the same time.

_I'm sobering up. I guess being around Death kind of does that to you. _

WELL…YES. Death said carefully.

"So isn't everything everything else 'acting on a whim do to some personal fancy.'"

ER…POSSIBLY. Death responded, while feeling somewhat hunted. WHY?

She shrugged.

"Sometimes I forget, I guess."

_When I think about who he is, it can be a little overwhelming. My mind tried to cope by thinking ordinary thoughts. _

"So were you ever like those…things…the auditors?" She said to keep from voicing her inner thoughts. Death noted briefly that the flush had left her face and her words were coming out more clearly.

PERHAPS A BIT IN THE BEGINNING. BUT VERY LITTLE. THEY WERE ALWAYS MANY AND I AM ONE. THEY HAVE CHANGED AS WELL. THEY DID NOT USED TO MAKE SUCH RECKLESS DECISIONS.

"They're pretty awful." Elizabeth said

I CANNOT COMMENT, I AM AFRAID. UMM…Death looked uncomfortable.

"Hmm?"

DO YOU THINK I AM? He was looking a little worried.

Elizabeth watched him for a moment. Outside the rain seemed to be clearing up. She shook her head.

"No." He relaxed. "But…if they succeed…I'd rather you be Death then my husband." He looked away from her awkwardly and there was a long and uncomfortable silence.

THAT WOULD BE…THE MOST SENSIBLE CHOICE. She got the feeling that this was somewhat difficult for him to say. It made her oddly happy and sensibly worried at the same time.

"Not that it would come to that."

YES. Death said drearily.

"Want another drink?" Elizabeth asked, while nudging him a little.

PERHAPS A BIT MORE…NOT TOO MUCH.

"Right." She said with the hint of a smile.

XXX

Jerimoth was sitting on a fallen tree and picking through his pockets while sunshine stared nervously at the back of Nanny's house. It was busy for a witches cottage. Witches were generally not very sociable creatures, but Nanny Ogg was one of the exceptions.

"I don't think she's there." He said. It had been raining for the last hour and a half and Sunshine found an intense desire to be out of it.

"Maybe they moved her again." Jerimoth said as he removed a tooth from his pocket and held it up to his eye as if trying to decide who it had belonged to. After a moment he chucked it behind him.

"Where would they have moved her? Back to the old witches house?" Jerimoth shrugged. He reached the end of his pocket and frowned.

"I guess we'll find out." He said as he stood. "In the meantime we need to find a few things."

"Not more poison weed?" The auditor asked nervously.

"No…some other stuff. I've been searching for my fucking poison list all afternoon. I can't find it…I'll have to make it by memory." He grumbled.

"Make what?"

"You'll see."

XXX

Ghost Girl Sora: That definitely ruined my whole evening. It sucks immensely. I have an aunt with Alzheimer's.

Chocolate Monster: I'm glad you like them. My cats constantly look at me like that. I think it's a cat thing.

Lady Tourniquet: Er, I'll try. No, there wouldn't be a baby skeleton. He'd look mostly human, like Susan, but he'd be much less human, like Lobsang. He'd have Elizabeth's features and Death's bone structure and height and his eyes would go a curious blue color when he's in an odd mood. He'd be skinny, but good at sports and lousy at music, and he'd have absolutely no imagination, so there'd be no chance at him taking after his mother in art. Death and decay would make him extremely uncomfortable and he'd be called William. I wouldn't be a writer if I didn't think about this stuff.

Anonymous: Thanks, always glad to hear that people like my OC's and I enjoy being original.

Loverdoll: Hehe, my boyfriends are never all that romantic. I guess I kind of prefer it that way. Romance, like the sort portrayed in movies makes me uncomfortable. If some guy ever tries to declare a song 'ours' I'm more likely to be turned off rather then emotional.

VenG: Thank you : ) There was a rain of them in slice. ; )

Dark Necrophhia666: Mine too…obviously. Thank you : )


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19:

_You sit up on your perch for the rest of the night.  
You watch the moon and hope the damn thing crumbles.  
You count the stars reflecting in the windows,  
And then you realized just how minimal you are._

"Some Crap About The Future" Electric President

Outside thunder rolled over the fields, seeming to linger for several moments before the echoes died down. A flash of lightning lit up the otherwise dark room preceding another roll of thunder.

Elizabeth emptied her glass and eyed it briefly.

"Do we have any more?" She asked Death, who was resting his chin in the palm of one skeletal hand and looking at her thoughtfully.

NO. He said.

"Too bad. What about the scumble?"

I DO NOT THINK THAT IS THE MOST SENSIBLE IDEA AT PRESENT.

"I imagine you don't." She said as she fished in the picnic basket and pulled out the bottle of scumble. It sloshed in the container promisingly

"Probably not the kind of drink you have ina wine glass." She said as she set hers aside.

IT IS PROBABLY NOT THE SORT OF DRINK SUITABLE FOR TOPPING OFF FOUR GLASSES OF WINE, EITHER.

"Its fine…you'll just have to drink mosht of it. After all, whatshyour limit? A tavern?"

IF I CONCENTRATE, I HAVEN'T ONE.

"Hah." She took a sip of the awful liquid and shuddered a little. "This stuff is better when you're drunk." She conceded after waiting for the initial shock of it to fade.

MOST THINGS ARE. WHAT IS YOUR LIMIT ELIZABETH? Death asked. Elizabeth shrugged.

"I'll let you know when I've reached it." She said. "Dyou know, I've been thinking. What exactly am I suppose to call you?"

PARDON? Death asked, slightly perplexed at the sudden change of subject.

"Well, I can't really call you Death…I mean…it just doesn't sound right."

YOU MUST CALL ME SOMETHING?

"Well, yeah. I mean…it'll probably come up…evenshually." She said. "And I'm sorry, but can't in all sherioushness call you Bill."

She went to take another drink. Death snapped his fingers and the bottle disappeared. Elizabeth stared at her empty hand for a moment before looking at him.

"That wasn't nice."

I APPOLOGIZE.

"You don't do that to someone when they're drunk."

IT WILL NOT HAPPEN AGAIN.

"It had better not…"

IT WAS GETTING RATHER HARD TO UNDERSTAND YOU.

"Haha. Well itsh hard to stay drunk. Your very sobering." She said with a sigh, while conceding to herself, rather grudgingly, that it was probably for the best. As it was she'd have a wretched hangover in the morning.

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO CALL ME?

"Huh? Oh, I dunno." She said with a shrug. "I was jusht thinking there ought to be something."

YOU MEAN SOME TERM OF AFFECTION? Death asked awkwardly.

"Well, not something stupid obviously." Elizabeth said, she figured that words like muffin and cupcake would probably burst into flames in the presence of Death…not that she'd be caught dead saying them in any case. "Maybe I should just call you dear." She frowned a little.

"Sounds sort of weird…but I could live with that."

SO COULD I…ER…METAPHORICALLY. Elizabeth smiled.

"Okay then." She said.

There were a few moments of silence, in which Death picked up one of the random pieces of paper strewn about in Elizabeth's living room and eyed it absentmindedly.

ELIZABETH?

"What?" Elizabeth asked a little guiltily. She had been daydreaming about what Mrs. Ogg might say if she heard their last conversation. She could almost hear the woman offering an explanation as to why referring to him as Dear may not work in some situations, like for an instance, when she felt the urge to call out his name loudly. It was amazing how it seemed like the woman could even embarrass you from hundreds of miles away.

OUT OF IDLE CURIOUSITY, DID YOU EVER FINISH THAT PAINTING?

"Hmm…oh…yes." She said a little awkwardly. "It didn't turn out…exactly right…but its close enough I guess."

AH. MAY I SEE IT?

"Er…now?"

IF IT IS NOT TOO MUCH TROUBLE.

"Um…I suppose." She stood, swaying a little. She waited for her vision to clear before heading towards her bedroom. She concentrated on every step and managed to be simply, clumsy and awkward.

_I have had too much to drink. _She thought as she nearly ran into the bare wall beside the open doorway, which led into the darkness of her bedroom.

There were a couple of crashes as she ran into her dresser and one or two absently lain boxes, before she re emerged with the wrapped canvass.

At first, after she finished it, more or less, she had laid it against the wall to dry properly, but while it remained uncovered it almost begged attention. She'd wrapped it in a sheet finally because otherwise it was terribly distracting.

She unwrapped it carefully in front of Death and set it up on the easel.

"There. Um it isn't exactly how I wanted it to turn out…I couldn't get some of the colors right, er..."

IT IS VERY NICE. Death said, while sitting up and eyeing it thoughtfully. She cast him a slightly nervous look. IT IS NEARLY PERFECT. I AM IMPRESSED. HOW DID YOU MANAGE TO DO IT SO…PROFICIENTLY?  
"Well…I have an iconographic memory…sometimes. Like in flashes."

WHAT IS AN ICONOGRAPHIC MEMORY? Death asked, interested.

"It means I can remember certain things very well…almost flawlessly."

AH. Death said, nodding. He had a memory that was like this all of the time…only more so. IT IS VERY LOVELY, ELIZABETH.

She smiled a little and as she turned back towards the painting took a few wobbly steps backwards to get a better look of it out of habit and lost her balance as she ran into the armrest on her couch. She flailed briefly with her arms, as people do in these situations, because for some reason a person's instincts lead them to believe that flailing madly will somehow right their position. (All it's ever really accomplished is to make the faller look something of a twit.)

In any case she landed heavily in Death's lap. He blinked with surprise. This sort of situation is awkward at the best of times (If its done by accident) But in this case it was both embarrassing and horribly uncomfortable because landing heavily in the lap of someone who hasn't any muscle or skin to brake ones fall isn't the most fun thing in the world.

"Sorry." Elizabeth muttered, while blushing. "I think I forgot the couch was here." She spent the next few moments musing at how stupid this sounded.

YES. Death said. She had caught him around the neck and he was finding that, curiously he couldn't think of anything else to say.

"Well…I guess I know what my limit is now, anyways." She said as she pulled her legs up over the arm rest, so that she could sit up.

FEW PEOPLE KNOW WHEN THEY HAVE HAD ENOUGH. Death said after a moment of bewildered silence.

"Lucky I have you then." Elizabeth said as she managed to get into a secure and less feeble position. "To tell me when I've had enough." She met his gaze for a moment and Death saw a brief flicker of something he didn't understand and was rather unaccustomed to.

Then, her eyes started to take on a somewhat vacated look and Death felt her muscles weaken slightly. His initial thought was that she'd passed out, but that was wrong because her eyes were still open. There was a moment, one wretched moment when he was aware that he could not feel her heart beating or feel her breathing, but the moment passed in less time then it would take to blink. He knew what the world felt like outside time and now all was silent.

WHO IS IT? Death asked. Ronnie stepped into the room. Seemingly out of the air.

HELLO RONNIE. Death said wearily. He adjusted Elizabeth's position in his arms so that he could pick her up, and then did so, and then carefully placed her on the couch.

"You ignored me, when I called for you."

I WAS BUSY.

"Yes, I see that." He said as he watched Death select a rather shabby blanket from over the top of the couch and laid it over her carefully.

WHAT WAS SO IMPORTANT, RONNIE?

"I stopped by to speak with you about…well I imagine by now you've got most everything figured out for yourself."

YES.

"Right, good. I just stopped by to tell you that…well I've been watching them. As Kaos, I can sort of keep track of them…since all they do is try to maintain order. And lately they haven't been doing all that well of a job…I'd just thought you'd like to know that."

OH?

"They have an incarnate you know. It affects them."

YES, I REMEMBER WHAT HAPPENED LAST TIME.

"But…well…" Ronnie looked slightly wretched for a moment. "The reason I'm here now…is, well, they shouldn't be too ominous as long as…you keep a cool head."

IS IT EVER NOT?

"Er…you…that is…we think perhaps…when I say we I mean…me and the other riders…we're worried that your judgment…may not be at its best presently." The coolness of Death's gaze made Ronnie pause slightly. "We all have a lot to lose if they succeed, you know."

IF I RECALL, I HAD TO REMIND YOU ALL OF THAT RECENTLY.

"Yes yes, obviously we're all a bit different from how we were, back in the old days. That's to be expected but…we're concerned that you're…forgetting about what's important."

I HAVE NEVER FORGOTTEN WHAT IS IMPORTANT RONNIE. Death said in a voice that nearly reached sub zero levels.

"Okay…I believe you…only…certain aspects of your behavior suggests that you may be holding one individual in higher regard then you should be. I mean, I like humans too, they breed more chaos then any other creature in the universe, but I mean…you know one human is hardly reason to forget your responsibilities."

SHE HAS NOT MADE ME FORGET MY RESPONSIBILITES. NOTHING COULD. YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT. I AM NOTHING IF NOT DUTIFUL.

"Good to hear. I am relieved to hear you recognize her triviality."

I DID NOT SAY THAT. I SAID I UNDERSTAND MY DUTIES. AS FAR AS I AM CONCERNED ELIZABETH IS ONE OF THEM.

"But…you can't…" Ronnie started, hesitating slightly. "She's a mortal…you can't mean that she is of great significance. People, certainly. Humankind is an important footnote in the course of eternity perhaps, but a single person..?"

MY WIFE. Death said with a hint of warning in his voice.

"Yes, but…but she's mortal." Ronnie said weakly.

AND SHE IS MINE.

"Right…yours." Ronnie said, troubled.

IT IS A TERRIBLE THING TO SEE ONLY THE HARVEST WITHOUT TAKING SOME CARE TO SEE EACH INDIVIDUAL STALK OF CORN, RONNIE.

"Good metaphor, old friend. But you married one. It rather breaks up after that, does it not?"

THIS DOES NOT MEAN THAT I AM NOT GOING TO DO MY DUTIES. Death said, somewhat defensively.

"I hope so…I really do." Ronnie said while shaking his head. "Hopefully the next time we meet, you'll have proven that all of my concerns were for nothing." He said. He stepped back, vanishing, going back to wherever he came from.

Death eyed the spot where he had been for a moment. The clock had started again. On the couch Elizabeth had fallen into natural sleep. Death walked over to her hesitantly and slowly brushed a piece of unkempt hair from her forehead.

He sighed heavily and eyed the painting she had done of him in the midst of the harvest. He watched it for several moment before heading quietly across the room, and through the wall and stepping onto the porch.

XXX

Elizabeth was floating in a sea of stars, weightless. Her hair was a corona around her head, brushing the sides of her face and her nightshirt was flapping loosely about her body. She eyed a few tiny pinpoints of light, an inch from her splayed fingers. Slowly her body drifted, arcing forwards until she was standing on nothingness, surrounded by nothingness, with nothingness as far as the eye could see.

Then, bit by bit shapes formed in the darkness. Gray, slightly transparent robes came into existence until they stretched for miles on all sides, surrounding her and making a perfect circle. Above her, the stars altered until they became part of a giant face, which peered at her through eyes with hundreds of tiny lights and galaxies within them. There was a sense of curiosity and great great sadness.

Elizabeth looked down at her hands, which were now holding something. It appeared to be an hourglass. She lifted it slightly. Through the glass she could see the distorted stars. It was terribly heavy for such a tiny thing. She read the name written on it.

**Elizabeth Amaia Door. **

Then there was a sudden feeling in the atmosphere, like a pending thunderstorm as the thing above her opened it's mouth. She looked up, terrified. All of the auditors were watching it as well, frozen in silent anticipation.

It's voice seemed to take centuries to reach her. When it did, it rolled over her like a rampant wave.

**WHY?**

She shouted her answer above the dwindling echo. When it had spoken all of the stars had lit up brilliantly for a moment and the question, though consisting of only one word seemed to take forever to articulate.

Nevertheless, as the stars and the auditors and the thing in the sky began to vanish the answer was lost, a feeble thing out amongst the empty void of eternity.

XXX

Elizabeth woke up. She felt the rough fabric of the ancient and rather horrible couch in her living room underneath her. Somewhere there was the tick of the old grandfather clock and the light swish of the pendulum swinging. And there was the light creaking of the house as the wind blew up against it as well as the whistling sound, which came from that slight crack in her window.

_I'm at home. _She thought, rather sluggishly. She felt as if someone had taken her brain out and had squeezed the hell out of it, before replacing it. _Was I dreaming? _

She opened her eyes and rolled over. A rather hideous gray blanket was draped over her. Elizabeth eyed the table a foot away from her face. Melted candles. Empty wine glasses…empty wine bottle...Ah yes, that would explain why my eyes feel like tiny balls of pain.

After a moment of mental preparation Elizabeth forced herself to sit up. Then she waited for the spots in front of her eyes to vanish and her brain to catch up with her.

She groaned as she stood. The ugly gray blanket fell from her shoulders as she got up on her feet and slipped gently to the floor. She started towards the kitchen. Tiny objecting twinges of pain rose from her bad leg and the foot that she had burned the night before.

She got to the kitchen and started to make coffee when finally, her mind got up to speed.

Elizabeth stopped what she was doing and limped back to the other room, which she eyed curiously.

"Er…" She frowned and wondered across the floor, rubbing at her forehead absently. When she reached to undo the chain to unlock the front door, She remembered the broken lock and grabbed the knob instead.

Outside, there was a light cool breeze. It smelled of rain and the wind felt rather good against her sweaty brow. The porch was empty. She walked to the edge and leaned on the railing so that she might lean forward to see the stables. A hand fell on her shoulder.

Elizabeth jumped and turned sharply.

I SEE YOU ARE AWAKE. Death said as he removed his hand.

"Don't do that." She said as she straightened. "How long was I sleeping?"

SEVEN HOURS.

"Seven hours? What time is it!?" Elizabeth asked as she pinched the bridge of her nose.

IT IS FIVE O' CLOCK. ARE YOU ALL RIGHT, YOU LOOK A BIT ILL?

"It's called a hangover." Elizabeth said. "You probably don't get those."

NO.

"Lucky. What happened last night? I remember the painting and er…falling on you…" Elizabeth said, while blushing. "Then I can't remember anything."

YOU PASSED OUT.

"Ah…sorry."

IT IS ALL RIGHT. WOULD YOU LIKE TO REST A BIT LONGER, OR SHOULD WE BE MAKING OUR WAY BACK?

"I suppose we should just go back." Elizabeth said. "After all I'm supposed to…" She stopped, and her face fell a little. "Oh shit…I was supposed to move into Agnes' cottage yesterday."

THIS IS A PROBLEM?

"Well…no…but…I mean…we went out for a couple of hours for a picnic… yesterday afternoon." Elizabeth said as she worked this out with a hint of horror in her fascia.

YES?

"And I'll have to face Mrs. Ogg today…" She said as she shook her head.

Death eyed her confusedly. She caught his puzzled gaze and smiled a little.

"Never mind, let's go." She said, as she took his hand. Death curled his fingers around hers and led her around the house to where Binky was waiting patiently and occasionally eating grass.

As he helped her onto the horse and her fingers left his Death thought about what Ronnie had said the night before.

He knew what his responsibilities were. If he had a first name, duty would be his middle name. Only…in that instant, immeasurable by any human means, before he realized time stopped and he couldn't feel her heartbeat or hear her breath…

He may have promised her he would, but he was not so sure that he would be able to do his job if things came to it.

VenG: Glad you liked it. I hope she is too.

Karola: Thank you for the compliments. I hate having to translate. It never turns out exactly right and I wind up having to guess what the sentence was supposed to be. Sorry there's not as much fluff as everyone wanted.

Lady Tourniquet: Glad to hear it. I love making him awkward. I think it's cute. By all means, ramble on, dear. And I shall look up your fanfic.

LoverDoll: I'm sorry I'm such a tease. I know I'm horrible. I don't mean to be. I just try to keep things in moderation so that it'll work with the rest of the story. This chapter probably doesn't have all you expect either, but alas. It's written. In any case I appreciate your reviews and I hope the story is still enjoyable aside from its lack of juicy fluff.

Chocolate Monster: Sorry for the general state of your mental health because of my story. Hope the update wasn't too disappointing.

Roxy Vegas: See the above comment. I like building suspense. I'm evil like that.

To anyone who cares, I posted a new pic of this story on my deviantArt account (The link is in my profile, it's the first pic in my gallery.)

Also, I thought you'd might like to know that this story is actually nearly at its end. I can't be entirely sure how many chapters are left, Maybe four…possibly more.

Thanks for all of your reviews. Your wonderful.


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter 20:

_Well, winter's gonna end, _

_I'm gonna clean these veins again. _

_So close to dying that I finally can start living. _

_All right. _

"_An Attempt To Tip The Scales" Bright Eyes_

Elizabeth gathered up her bags, uncomfortably aware of Nanny Ogg, who was hovering in the doorway with, what she knew was a smug smile spread across her open face.

"Must have been some good oysters, eh?" Elizabeth paused in the process of straightening and groaned inwardly, she had rather hoped to move to the younger witches cottage without having to deal with this sort of thing. Her head hurt enough as it was without Nanny's indicative remarks.

"Nothing happened." Elizabeth said wearily as she hoisted her luggage onto her back and headed towards the doorway, trying to ignore the irritating twinkle in the old woman's eye.

"Right, right, I expect you just lost track of time." Nanny Ogg said, her smile broadening. It gave birth to several deep wrinkles. Nanny Ogg's wrinkles could practically queue.

"No…it…it started to rain and he asked if I wanted to look in on my house. Then we…I…" She paused for a moment, conceding that telling her that she'd gotten horribly drunk would not do much to help her argument. "Yes…" She said finally. "I lost track of time."

"Fine." Nanny said, still smiling in a crinkled sort of way as she followed her out to the back yard. The old witch had her broom with her. "I imagine the scumble rather helped with that, eh?"

"That stuff tastes like something people keep around for tough stains." Elizabeth said. She was relieved that the day was overcast; she didn't feel as if she could stand harsh sunlight today.

"Ah, means I made it right. And the oysters?" Nanny asked.

"I find it hard to believe that people enjoy them."

"Well, they're better with sauce, or cooked. My second husband loved em cooked. Course, after a while he seemed to develop an immunity to their affects."

"I imagine they certainly couldn't get worse." Elizabeth said quickly to avoid further reminiscing. "Look, I just…fell asleep, that's why we were so late."

"All right, then." There were a few moments of silence as Nanny readied her broom. "Tired you out, did he?"

Elizabeth sighed.

"Yes, thank you for that." She said, blushing slightly. "Do you ever not say what's on your mind?"

"Nope, not healthy keeping stuff in." Nanny replied happily. "Come on then, Agnes'll be waitin."

XXX

Sunshine plodded through the forest towards a clearing where Jerimoth seemed to be busy writing on a crinkled piece of paper with a broken piece of charcoal. He was muttering to himself. At his feet there was a vat filled with what looked like filthy water with indeterminate things floating on the surface and beside that several plump blackish berries wrapped in a piece of the cloak Jerimoth had bought only weeks before.

"What are you doing?" Sunshine asked as he approached. He was carrying a bundle of plants under one arm.

"Found a list of poisons I've used in the past. I'm tryin to remember the antidote for Deadly Nightshade. I think it's just induced vomiting. Guess that means we just have to get rid of stuff like vinegar. Did you get the shit I asked for?"

"Yes…I think so." He said as he set the plants down.

"Good."

"What are these exactly? It isn't more poison is it?" He had been worried about that. It occurred to him that just lately he was becoming more and more concerned with mortality. This was strange, because logically life had no real significant meaning.

"Sorta." Jerimoth said, without looking up. "Some of it is. Some of its harmless." He caught Sunshine's look. "Your not going to be poisoned by touching it…not that stuff…half of its herbal."

"I thought you said Deadly Nightshade was an herb." Sunshine said nervously.

"It is…but this stuff's week poison and natural sedatives."

"What's that?"

"Used for putting people to sleep."

"Why do we need it?" Sunshine asked. The smell of the nightshade was getting worse. Jerimoth had shed nearly fifty of the plump berries and ripped up at least as many of the leaves and roots to make the liquid at his feet. It was awful. Jerimoth had said that it was mostly dangerous to kids because they 'picked the damn stuff and put it in their mouths when they saw it.' He said adults were less sensitive to its affects. But apparently even the strongest human adult would be lucky to live after eating ten or twenty…at least without treatment.

"Well…Belladonna mostly needs to be eaten, and its easier to poison someone by mouth when you can slip the stuff to someone they think they can trust. That don't work here…so 'm gonna make sure she's out first. It can be absorbed through the skin too…but I'm not sure if it's as deadly that way or not. We'll try it though."

"Isn't there a better way…some way we can be more sure?"

"Yeah, Curare…its injected and there's no cure because it works too fast. Used it a couple times."

"Then why don't we?" Sunshine asked desperately. He was beginning to feel nervous about time. He could feel the other auditor's impatience.

"Firstly, I don't know where to find a drug that has no medicinal use. This is witch country. Belladonna has at least some use if you don't use too much. And second, this is more…dramatic. Don't go in for it usually, but how often do you get a chance to kill Death's wife? Besides, I said I wanted to talk to her again. You can't talk to anyone after you've given them curare." Sunshine sighed.

"But if this fails…"

"I know what I'm doing." Now there was warning in Jerimoth's otherwise impassive voice. "There's always a chance that something might go wrong, but it's my job to make sure it's a very slim chance. I'm good at my job."

"Very well, human." He said. He noted that his voice held a slight tremor. "If you are certain."

"Right. Come on. Let's find are girl. We have to start setting this up. I doubt this stuff can get any more poisonous sitting here."

XXX

Flying on a broomstick was not like riding Binky at all. Traveling through time and space was a little unnerving, but at least it was a smooth ride. It was dreadfully uncomfortable on a broomstick. It's hard to be at ease when your seat is an inch wide.

The air whipped at her face as well as the occasional bug, until Elizabeth kept her mouth closed permanently, deciding to breath out her nose. There was even at least one moment when Nanny Ogg had to swerve to avoid a bird.

Agnes' cottage was tucked partway in the forest. It wasn't quite as socially placed as Nanny's, while at the same time not being quite as hidden as Granny's. The large girl greeted them at the back door.

"Cooee, Agnes." Nanny said as her and Elizabeth approached her. Elizabeth's already unkempt hair was in full rebellion after the flight.

"Hello, Nanny." Agnes replied. "Teas on if you'd like a cup."

"Can't stay long. Daughters is cleaning the guest room. I ought to be there to tell them what they've missed. You have everything you need?"

"Yes, Nanny." Agnes said, while casting Elizabeth a brief look as she pulled her hair back into a messy ponytail.

"Right then. Let me or Esme know if you needs anything." Nanny smiled and nudged Elizabeth a little. "And go easy on this one today, Agnes, she's had a long night." She winked at Elizabeth who tried to ignore her.

"I was expecting you yesterday." Agnes said after Nanny left and they went into her cottage.

"I…was on a picnic..." Elizabeth said. Her head was pounding. At this point she wasn't sure if it was the hangover or the flight over.

"A picnic?" Agnes asked. "That sounds like…fun."

"I think I have Mrs. Ogg to thank for it."

"The guest room is over there." Agnes said as she pointed towards a door. "I have some work to do today, so you'd better put your stuff in it and come along."

XXX

Albert was working in his small vegetable garden when Death returned with Binky. It wasn't incredibly impressive, but Albert took pride in it, along with his pineapples, on account of the fact that he was able to grow them in rather rough conditions. He watched Death as he led Binky into the stables.

"That milkman stopped by again, Master." Albert said when Death reemerged.

I KNOW.

"Sent the rat to find you." Albert added as he rubbed his hands together arbitrarily.

YES. THANK YOU.

"Came back and told me you told him to push off." Albert said, pushing onward.

I WAS BUSY.

"With that girl?" He asked a little cautiously as he followed Death back into the house.

YES. WITH MY WIFE.

"Right, your wife. How was your um…picnic?" He winced slightly. If there was a list of things Death shouldn't do, picnicking would probably be somewhere at the top of it.

I THINK IT WENT WELL. ER…THAT IS TO SAY THERE WERE SOME DIFFICULTIES…BUT OVERALL IT WAS QUITE AN ENJOYABLE EXPERIENCE.

"You were gone longer then I thought you'd be." He said as they reached his office. Death went through the wall and Albert followed through the door.

YES. Death replied, apparently unwilling to elaborate any further. He sighed heavily, a good trick for someone without breath and sat in the leather chair. I AM CONCERNED ALBERT.

"Oh?" Albert said. He was quite concerned too, but he imagined he was probably worried for a different reason.

Death pulled Elizabeth's biography out of his robe and then after a moment her hourglass as well, pausing only to unfasten it from his collarbone.

"Why do you keep it with you, Master? It isn't as if you can't access it at any time anyways."

I FEEL BETTER IF IT IS WITH ME. BESIDES…AS OF LATE…I HAVE BEEN…HAVING SOME TROUBLE…ER…WITH…UM….

"Having trouble with what?" Albert asked suspiciously.

I CANNOT SEEM TO LOOK INTO HER FUTURE…OR SEE HER LIFE SPAN PROPERLY. IT IS LIKE BEING BLIND. He said as he flipped through the blank pages of her book.

"Why do you suppose that is?" Albert's voice held some caution.

I AM NOT SURE…IT HAS NEVER HAPPENED TO ME BEFORE. BEING WITH HER IS SO STRANGE.

"Well…maybe your…not looking at her properly."

HOW SHOULD I BE LOOKING A HER? Death asked, curiously.

"Well, your Death, right? I doubt you're supposed to be…that close to your work…not that I have anything against her of course." He added quickly.

DO YOU REALLY THINK SO? HMM. Death considered this while looking at her hourglass. I AM WORRIED THAT I WILL NOT BE ABLE TO LET GO OF HER.

"But if you have to you have to, right. I mean…that's what your about."

YES. OH YES. Death said, depressed. I AM AFRAID THIS IS THE CASE.

There was a long moment of silence. Finally Albert cleared his throat.

"Would you like some tea or something, master?"

THANK YOU. Albert nodded and headed towards the door. After he left, Death picked up Elizabeth's hourglass carefully and examined it. It was like being Bill Door again and feeling the darkness around him and time pulling him forward. There was still a part of him, he suspected, that could see her future and look at her as Death might…but wherever it was, it was being buried by the strange sensations that overtook him whenever she entered his mind.

He was still looking at it when Albert returned.

Albert set a cup of chamomile down by Death silently. He eyed him with some apprehension before turning back towards the door to leave him to whatever thoughts were circling his skull.

_XXX_

Elizabeth followed Agnes out of the house. By the entrance to the forest there was a tree stump with an axe wedged partway in. The girl pulled it from the stump with only a little difficulty and hoisted it in her large arms.

"I need to refill the firebox before summer ends." Agnes said as means of an explanation. Elizabeth followed her into the forest wordlessly. The wood was extremely thick in Lancre and the trees were still dripping from the night before, so it was almost like walking into an isolated rain.

"Do you know how to cut down a tree?" Agnes asked, breaking the silence after they'd gotten deep enough in the wood. Elizabeth nodded distantly.

"Yeah, I have to get firewood every winter." She said. She was beginning to feel uncomfortable, like she was being watched. She found herself looking into openings. There wasn't any movement aside from the occasional shift of rain in the trees, but she couldn't shake the feeling.

"Good. You can help me."

"What? Oh, yes, fine." Elizabeth said. Did she hear something just then? Whispering? She shook her head and placed her attention on Agnes as the girl began to hack away at a tree.

XXX

"Which one is that?" Sunshine asked as he peered at Elizabeth and Agnes through the trees.

"Youngest witch…I've seen her with the others. This is convenient. Get behind that tree and shut up, are Mrs. Death is looking this way." Sunshine did so quickly, making loud rustling noises as he did. Jerimoth rolled his eyes.

"We'll have to find a good spot near her cottage to watch her." He said after a while.

"When will we eliminate her?" Sunshine said eagerly.

"Soon, I have a plan. I'm glad she's staying with this witch…doesn't mean we should be careless though. We'll have to watch both of em. One thing though…that one hasn't noticed are presence at all…that's promising."

They watched both girls for a while, then, Sunshine jumped as Jerimoth nudged him, rather sharply in the arm.

"Come on. We'll make are way to the witches cottage tonight. Lets get are stuff." They withdrew quietly and headed back towards where Jerimoth had kept the poison. He was beginning to feel almost good. This was an opportunity of a lifetime…figuratively speaking of course. He still didn't know what his payment should be…but he had a feeling that it would take care of itself. Oh yes.

Jermoth smiled a little to himself, leaving the sound of the axe behind him.

XXX

Kinda short. Sorry it took so long for me to update. I had a lot of problems with this chapter. I hope it turned out all right. It's basically a filler.

Afton: Lol, me too. I'm glad you like it. : )

Lilstar17x: The only experience I have with drunkenness is my parents and basically my mom's side of the family. Never been drunk myself. Well, however the story ends I hope you like it.

Iocus: ) Thanks. It's okay about the reviews. I appreciate them when you can give them, but obviously there's way more important things in life then fan fiction. Anyways, glad you liked the chapter.

Lady Tourniquet: Yeah sometimes he's a sweetheart. Glad you liked the chapter.

Loverdoll: Yeah He is. Sorry about the teasing, hehe. I don't know about Swedish. I always hated foreign language classes though. I'm really terrible with them. Hopefully their talk didn't disappoint too much. : )

VenG: I know the answer to that…but I'm not telling ;)


	21. Chapter 21

Chapter 21:

Tear me apart and boil my bones

I'll not rest 'til she's lost her throne

My aim is true, my message is clear

It's curtains for you, Elizabeth my dear

"If I found The Right Words To Say" Snow Patrol

A week passed at Agnes' cottage. For the most part it was an uneventful week. Elizabeth helped Agnes with various chores around the house. They went into town a couple of times for various reasons and for the most part Elizabeth tried to stay out of the girl's way. And it rained constantly.

Elizabeth hadn't seen Death since the picnic, nor had she seen any sign of the auditors or Jerimoth (They, however, saw quite a lot of her), or, for that matter the Death of Rats and the raven. She was partially relieved about the latter. She spent most of the time drawing or playing cards and had to admit that it was sort of dull. This wasn't to say that she prefered the alternative.

It was reaching dusk and the rain had finally stopped in Lancre...which was a rare thing according to Agnes. Elizabeth was outside the girl's cottage sitting on a fallen tree. She was sketching a part of the forest without any real conviction. The young witch was collecting herbs from her garden for a remedy being made for chronic headaches. It was going to a woman in Mad Stoat with seven kids. Agnes had said that it wasn't the actual remedy that did the trick, so much as the mandatory resting period after taking it. Apparently it worked perfectly.

She extended her arm and closed one eye carefully, turning her piece of graphite vertically and horizontally a couple of times before returning to her drawing.

"Why do artists do that?" Said a voice from behind her. Elizabeth blinked and turned. Susan was standing a few feet away and crossing her arms. Elizabeth wondered vaguely if Susan knew that she shared some of her Grandfather's habits, such as sneaking up behind someone soundlessly and speaking without concerning over their nerves.

"Oh…hello Susan." She said, staggered. "It's for measurement."

"Oh, really, I always thought artists did it to look important." Susan said as she took a few steps forward. She was dressed in a severe gray dress. The neck came all the way up to her chin and the skirt went down to her ankles. It was as dull as any piece of clothing could be, and yet, somehow, it didn't manage to abate Susan's façade. "Has my grandfather been any trouble?"

"No…things have been better." Elizabeth responded. "How does squinting at things make someone look important?" Susan shrugged, as she looked at Elizabeth's drawing. It wasn't bad. But if someone were to be shown this drawing and then the painting of her grandfather they would never have guessed it was from the same person. This was merely…above average. It was nothing particularly astounding. Whereas, _that_ painting had been brilliant. Susan wondered vaguely why this was.

"I haven't seen him since he asked me to check on you. Things have been…normal have they? And I ask this in the full knowledge that my grandfather is involved. I mean aside from him." Elizabeth smiled a little.

"I know about the auditors now, you don't have to be vague about it. Other then them, a dead man tried to kill me…but I'm not to sure what qualifies as normal anymore."

"A dead man?"

"They hired him, I think."

"That probably doesn't count as normal. Do you know why the aditors are after you?"

"Yes." She said. "He told me.."

"Granddad got me involved the last time they tried something like this."

"What did they do?" Elizabeth asked, while setting her pencil down.

"They tried to stop time. They got…well...a boy…to make a clock that ticked with the universe. But no one can do that so the clock would get stuck and time would stop." Susan had blushed slightly before the pause when she'd said boy. Three streaks appeared on her cheek as if she'd been struck and she glanced away for a moment. Elizabeth wasn't good at anything to do with relationships, but staying with Mrs. Ogg had already left a lasting impression, as well as an ability to recognize embarrassment. Especially the sort that it was best not to pursue upon. In any case, Susan continued hurriedly to avoid questions.

"And then of course, there was the incident with the Hogfather."

"Hogfather?" Elizabeth said, looking slightly puzzled.

"You know about him I imagine?" Susan said with her brow raised.

"Yes. I got the whole talk when I was seven about him and the tooth fairy and the Soul Cake Duck…"

"…And Death?"

"Well no…not too many parents sit their children down to tell them there's no Death…but I get your point." Elizabeth said with slight fascination.

"Right…he exists. The auditors tried to get rid of him to do away with human belief."

"Really? How can you kill a mythological figure?" Elizabeth asked, while, in the privacy of her own mind, she went through all of the make believe characters she'd ever been told of. She wasn't sure that, at her age, she could start believing in things like the tooth fairy again.

"Lack of belief. Granddad doesn't have to worry about it because it's very hard to stop believing in Death." Susan said. "In any case, I had to chase down the assassin they hired to do the job, while he played at Hogfather. He told me not to get involved but when Death comes down the chimney it's hard to go back to bed and pretend nothing's happened." Elizabeth was staring at her.

"Sorry…he was _what_?" Elizabeth asked with her eyebrows raised.

"He said that someone had to keep it going…" Susan said with a sigh. "I was pretty upset about that."

"Gods…did it work?" Elizabeth asked, while trying to imagine Death doing the Hogfather's job. She found her imagination shut down out of protection.

"Well…he was wearing a false beard…and had a cushion stuffed up his shirt…and Albert makes a horribly unconvincing elf…but…I suppose he wasn't as bad as you'd think he would be." Susan said after a moment of thought. "Disregarding the jolly laugh."

"I should think it would be a disaster."

"Well, he means well…but…if you haven't already noticed he does get a bit…carried away with ideas." Elizabeth nodded…then, after a moment she smiled. "And if you haven't then you will. I suppose asking you to marry him what one of those things. He thought he ought to because that's what people do and now he hasn't the slightest idea what to do next."

"I've noticed." She said. "The other day he took me on a picnic." Susan rolled her eyes.

"Do you know anyone who actually does that? Aside from soppy people, who are playing at romance? He doesn't understand why things like that don't work."

"No." Elizabeth said, still smiling. "He doesn't." Susan eyed Elizabeth, and then looked away with some embarrassment. After a few moments of silence she cleared her throat.

"Anyways…I should go." Susan said finally, while feeling slightly awkward. She wasn't used to people who wore a look of warmth while thinking of her grandfather. "Er…I suppose I'll check on you again in a week or so." Elizabeth nodded, while snapping out of whatever thoughts had been occupying her mind.

"Don't bother if you're busy. He's got that bird and the rat checking on me as it is, and the witches…and he's been around a lot more lately…I'm sure he wouldn't mind. "

"…Right…well…we'll see." Susan said.

XXX

Later that evening or perhaps, very early the next morning, Sunashine was sitting on a damp hill ouside of Agnes' cottage. The rain over the last week had made the forest a miserable stopping place. Jerimoth had found something to cover the poison. The vat was currently sitting several feet from the auditor, who was trying to ignore it.

Sunshine found it was hard to be attentive when it was raining. It really put a damper on everything. It was still somewhat chilly, but at least it wasn't quite as wet.

He sighed and leaned against a tree and wondered about mortality. It was beginning to occur to him that when this was all over he probably wouldn't be allowed to remain. It would be the most sensible decision for the auditors to make. Somehow this didn't seem a good enough reason anymore. It was funny. It used to be. Now other things aside from sense seemed to matter.

It was a little after midnight and the cottage was dark. Jerimoth had gone off a while ago…Sunshine couldn't remember what he'd said he'd be doing. The man had asked him to remain and watch. He wasn't sure what he was watching for…perhaps anything. Death's wife had gone to sleep hours ago, as did the young witch.

"Looks like it'll start raining again tomorrow. Clouds building up." Sunshine jumped slightly as Jerimoth came up behind him. "Probably wont get another clear day for a week or two. If we're going to do this soon, it had better be tonight."

"Tonight!?" Sunshine asked, a little squeakily. He had wanted it to happen soon only...now...seemed rather too soon. "Does it matter if it's raining?"

"Yeah." Jerimoth said as he sat down. "We're burning the sedative. The rain'll wash it out."

"What happened to waiting for the perfect moment?"

"Well, I don't want to wait for it while she's back with that old witch. I think this is the perfect moment…didn't say it'd be significant. It's not raining, she's with the most inexperienced hag and all of the poison and stuff is ready. No time like the present. We'll use the sleeping stuff on the old witch. I don't want to use it on her. I want her to be completely unconcious."

"Will it work on the witch?"

"Should. We'll get Mrs. Death out of the cottage before we try anything…and this time we'll watch out for witches...and brooms…I don't need another hole in my back. I'm dead but I'd prefer to remain mostly whole."

Sunshine, who had other things on his mind, turned away and watched a firefly as it landed on a nearby tree. Once he would have thought of it as an insignificant nothing, not even worth acknowledging. Now he wondered what it was like...being so small and surrounded by darkness.

"Jerimoth?" He asked after a while.

Jerimoth grunted in response.

"What's it like, dying?" The zombie seemed to give this due consideration as he eyed the quiet house.

"Well it aint like going to sleep. That's just what people say to make themselves feel better." He said finally. Sunshine nodded, though, he did not know what people said. "'S very uncomfortable. Totally confusing…course, I was half unconscious and hallucinating at the time. Then suddenly at the very end everything's clear…and then there's just nothing." Sunshine, unlike most mortals knew what nothing was…it was both a reassuring and terrifying thought.

"How'd you die?" He asked to avoid further thought on that subject. The Zombie smiled without humor.

"Deadly Nightshade. Take it from me, she's in for some hell. You know, there's a story that says that some mythological mad women took the stuff before they ripped people to shreds…They were the god of wine's followers, or something. Then there's another rumor that witches take it to have sex with demons…demons always come in there somewhere with witches…shows you how stupid people are. Your basic witch only uses a demon if she wants a question answered...I heard once one witch called on one every time she couldn't find her glasses."

"What?" Sunshine asked, unable to follow on that stream of dialogue. Auditor's cared nothing for stories or rumors, only reality, so he wasn't really sure what Jerimoth was talking about. The man went on in any case.

"Stories make things sound so interesting…and romantic. In real life if you take belladonna your skin just gets really hot and dry and your thirsty and you can hear…I mean actually hear your heartbeat. Then it's like being delirious…like having fits."

"How did you get poisoned?" Sunshine asked, while moving a little away from the suddenly menacing vat.

"I ate about thirty berries with this bitch. We had delusions of eternity…you know…because of stories…really we were trying to…I dunno get back at our families. It was stupid. Ha! Eternity is right. Eternally dead wasn't really what I had in mind. But that's what stories and desire does to you…its stops you from thinking clear."

"Did she die?" Sunshine asked, fascinated despite himself.

"No…she lost her nerve and ran back into town. They were able to give her something to evacuate her stomach."

"Oh." Sunshine expected that there was something else there to say…but whatever it was it was a human thing and he didn't understand it.

"It was her idea too. I went along with it. I always did. I couldn't say no to her." Jerimoth was staring off into the distance as if looking at a different time. Finally his eyes cleared and he sighed. "No one really knows what they want. Desire, that's what humanity is all about. Desire and then death. And everyone gets fucked in the end."

"Yes…you humans do seem to want a lot. I always thought it was sloppy thinking…but I believe it's built in…like breathing."

"It's both." Jerimoth said. "I've spent my death seein it. Desire at it's simplest form. You know sometimes…right before my clients pay…you can see the understanding in their eyes when they realize that their giving up more then their getting. Course some of em are mad to the end." Sunshine didn't say anything. There was no emotion in Jerimoth's voice. He spoke about people like they were a particularly interesting form of rock to be studied and taken apart. Well…really he spoke about them the way auditors did…but perhaps with a more knowledge base understanding.

Or perhaps not.

There was a long silence, and then Jerimoth spoke again and it was broken.

"We'll need to find some dry wood."

"Very well." Sunshine said. Suddenly stuff like the rain didn't seem so bad, or the chill in the air. It was amazing…death was just the expiration of meaningless rubbish, an end of chemicals and matter…and yet…at the same time it also was like the end of the world…Suddenly…Sunshine wanted to be able to feel the rain and the cold and the dry heat for a lot longer.

XXX

Elizabeth slept, unaware of what the rest of the night would bring.

In her dreams Elizabeth stood on the edge of her canyon and looked over at the earthy colors, encompassed by the many shadows. The crevice looked much deeper then it would have in real life.

_It must be some sort of universal law. _Elizabeth thought. _Deep things always look deeper when your dreaming._

She drew nearer to the edge and looked into the darkness. It had a sucking quality that made her eyeballs itch.

Her shirt, oversized, as usual, flapped around her in the wind. She was cold, but in an odd way. It seemed a warm enough night and the wind was the sort that generally sapped one of the moisture on their lips and tongue. It was more like being cold on the inside, in an infuriating way that could not be avoiding.

Elizabeth looked up at the stars and noticed that they were strange. They weren't the constellations of the Disc. They were alien and the horizon was filled with a bizarre spectrum of colors. In the distance something seemed to erupt. Elizabeth watched all of this solemnly. It would have been beautiful if it weren't so cold.

She felt weight on her shoulder and a brief chill. She turned and looked up into Death's dark cowl as he placed his arm across her shoulders carefully. She drew a little nearer to look up into his hood.

"Where are we?" She asked. Beneath her feet she could swear that she felt sand in between her toes, which was odd, since the only thing near her canyon as far as she knew was overgrown grass and weeds.

YOU ARE ONLY PARTLY HERE. YOUR MIND HAS TAKEN YOU TO A PLACE THAT YOU ARE FAMILIAR WITH.

"This is a dream." Elizabeth said. "Right?" Elizabeth asked while looking around. It didn't feel like a dream. That is, the canyon was appropriately deep and it was unsettling, but it also felt too real. It almost felt more real then reality did.

YES. IN A WAY, IT IS A DREAM.

"But in a way it isn't. Why are we here?"

I AM HERE BECAUSE YOU ARE HERE. BUT WHY ARE YOU HERE?

"I don't know...I don't know where here is...I..." _I'm going to die. _The thought came to her with surprising lucidity and she shivered. It was an empty and cold revelation and all by itself in the confines of her mind.

I CANNOT READ YOUR THOUGHTS ELIZABETH. NOT EVEN HERE. He said, and now he seemed slightly anxious.

"Where is here? What is this place?" Elizabeth asked.

IT IS THE DESERT. THE PLACE WHERE PEOPLE GO WHEN THEY END, BEFORE THEY ARRIVE IN THEIR PERSONAL ETERNITY. He sighed and removed Elizabeth's hourglass from his robe. He took his arm from around her shoulders as he did. Elizabeth watched as he undid the chain from his clavicle and for a moment she saw the spidery writing across the brass surface.

"You keep that with you?" She asked, slightly amazed.

YES. She watched him as he stared at it, looking slightly lost.

"Why?" Elizabeth felt a little breathless.

YOU ARE MY WIFE.

"But...I mean...really?"

I FEEL BETTER IF IT IS NEAR.

"Oh..." She looked away with some embarassment.

"This place is awfully bleak..." She said, changing the subject as she looked at the suddenly huge dark and expansive landscape.

THAT IS TO BE EXPECTED.

"Why? Why does it have to be?"

IT WAS DERIVED BY THE MINDS OF MORTALS.

"Figures. When can I leave...when can I wake up?" She said as she watched the horizon solemnly.

THAT IS UP TO YOU.

She allowed the darkness to close in. As she did, she watched the lanscape fade and with it, the glow of Death's eyes and the hissing of the sound of her hourglass. She would forget all about the dream within seconds of waking, but by then, she'd have other stuff to think about anyways.

XXX

Okay, apologies for several reasons. One for how long it took. Writer's block. One for how short the chapter is and one for stopping it here. I didn't want to go onto the next chapter yet because I felt I needed one more filler chapter to wrap up a few things before the end. My guess is that there will be either two or three more chapters after this. Probably three, but if there is the last one wont be very long

Karola: By all means, translate it and share it with you brother. I wish him safety and the best of luck.

Jack Hawksmoor: Lol, I'm glad you like it. Thanks for the compliments.

Lady Tourniquet: Hmmm…no…no I don't. I'd loose a reader if you died. Having said that I imagine I've lengthened your suffering with this chapter. Sorry about that. Thanks for the compliments.

VenG: ) I'm glad you enjoying the story up to this point and thank _you._

LoverDoll: I'm glad you liked the last chapter. I'm hopeless with all foreign languages. I don't have the patience I think.

Tiamat42: I know your review was for the first chapter and I have no clue where you are in the story, but I suppose you'll read this when you read it. I don't think nyone would be immediately fine with marrying Death. Thank you very much for your compliments. I always hope to be IC. I'm not sure if this story is as coherent as the first one, but I hop you enjoy it anyways.


	22. Author's Note

Author's Note:

I realize by now that you probably all want to kill me. I understand. This neglect is particularly horrible due to the fact that there are only two chapters left in the story. It started out as writer's block and then became more about school.

I am terribly sorry for how long it has been, and imagine at this point many of you have lost interest. (I've been there. I've been coming to this website for years, after a while it just stops mattering)

But, if you are still interested, I am writing this to tell you that my school has finished for the summer and as soon as I read through the story again so that I make sure not to make any mistakes on the upcoming chapters (I'm printing it out now so that I can take it to work with me) I'll finish it up.

Once again I'm terribly sorry.

-Dani


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